Skip to content

Category: Drunken Anime Analysis

Dragon Ball Super 0

70cm Sqaure Windows Should have Been Dragon Ball Super’s Final ED (Drunken Rant)

(Warning: Terrible grammar and spelling.  I was drunk off three shots of Jim Beam and drank like two 32 oz. cans of cheap Miller beer. You’ve been warned.  Originally written on March 2nd, 2018.)

Assuming that there won’t be a final ED for Super’s finale, ONEPIXCEL’s Lagrima as the final ED is a poor choice.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s not a bad song for what it is (and the women performing the song are pretty cute).  I find myself bobbing my head in sync with the beat of the song even. Still,  it’s doesn’t carry the emotional weight of 70cm Square Window.  Why do I think it carries more weight than Lagrima?  Well, hear me out.

Once we get past Adult Goku riding on the Flying Nimbus (or the Kinto’un for you fucking Japanese sub purist weeaboos), there’s a shot of Kid Goku alone starting far into the distance.  Following that, the ending animation transition to  Kid Goku’s running animation cycle featuring the OG Dragon Ball characters in the background (Bulma, Pura, Oolong, Yamcha, Krillin, Tien, Muten Roshi, and Goku’s late beloved grandpa, Gohan).  Next, Goku grows into his current self, riding back on the Flying Nimbus while images of the Team Universe 7 crew scroll along.  Finally, that shit ends with Goku running next to images of Beerus, the Zeno Kings, Grand Preist, Hit, and Jiren – the important characters of DB Super.

The animation of 70cm Square Window shows Goku’s growth from classic Dragon Ball, Z, and Super (sorry DBGT stans ya don’t get shit).  Goku went form a curious, humble country boy traveling the world for stronger people to fight and train with,  to a man who could destroy an entire universe with ease.  Just imagine, you finish watching the final episode of Super, this song plays, and you watch Goku’s progression within this ED.  You watch this man improve and better himself – becoming this unstoppable warrior. Imagine that shit man.  How the fuck can Lagrima could ever compare?

Fuck, let’s check the  best lyrics of the song:

‘I was always thinking of you
The reality that squeezes my heart
I was always longing to see you
And I’ll continue to forge ahead with that memory…”

Let’s imagine that none of the universe or any warrior that died will be brought back (they will cuz it’s Dragon Ball Super and Super is fuckin predictable as fuck) after the Tournament.   Do you know how those lines could fit well with say 18 remembering her brother or Vegeta remembering Cabba and the Saiyans of Universe 7 and how they will have to continue on living without them?  I want you to imagine 18’s and Vegeta’s sadness as those lyrics play.

Wouldn’t that shit be perfect?

Real shit tho, I’m drunk as hell and none of this will lever happen cuz Toei Animation don’t get deep with Dragon Ball like that.   Hope you enjoyed this durenk rant I will do more in the future when I have nothing better to do on a Friday night or something.

Afterword:
Alcohol doesn’t make you a better writer.  It only makes you an alcoholic writer and increases your alcohol dependency.

 

Feature image source:
http://msdbzbabe.tumblr.com/

anime 0

Chibi-Usa: The Real Ass Friend (Drunken Freewrite)

502

Chibi-Usa is a real ass friend.  Even when Hotaru was revealed as Sailor Saturn (AKA Purple Sailor Moon), the solider of destruction,  Chibi-Usa stuck by her side.   The kid even put herself the way of a combined World Shaking-Deep Submerge-Dead Scream, an attack that would had certainly kill her,  just to protect her friend (Saturn!Hotaru would had tanked it but still) Most of ya fake ass niggas out there wouldn’t help your friend if they jumped by some weak ass bitches.

When Chibi-Usa had her Pure Heart snatched from her body (or her crystal thing stolen in the manga by Mistress 9 idunno what’s it called) by Hotaru (under the influence of Mistress 9), she was happy that her friend was “safe”, putting Hotaru’s well-being first, and hers last.

60
Personally, I would question my selection of friends after this, but that’s just me.

Next, there’s the opening scene in episode 31 of S where Chibi-Usa goes off on Pluto (somebody who is like a second mother to her), telling the Senshi of Time that Hotaru is her best friend, and that she does not deserve to be harmed    Following that, in her fury, Chibi-Usa tells Pluto that she hates her, thinking that Pluto and the two lesbian incestuous cousins Outer Sailor Scouts took  Hotaru away or something.

Chibi-Usa is truly a real ass friend.

‘Friends ‎– how many of us have them?
Friends ‎– ones we can depend on
Friends ‎– how many of us have them?
Friends ‎– before we go any further, let’s be
Friends’

-Whodini: Friends (1984 hip-hop single)

With Hotaru’s character arc in Infinity came Chibi-Usa’s character evolution (which I’m too drunk to actually analyze how their friendship caused this).  The start of Chibi-Usa’s new development can be pinpointed to when they first meet on that faithful day at some park.  Chibi-Usa’s cheap looking hat is swept away off her head by the wind. The wind carries her hat near a frail looking goth kid, around 12 years of age or so, reading  a book or whatever the fuck gothic lookin’ Japanese kids like her do in spare time at the park.

The girl notices the hat heading to the river for and rushes towards it to save it. Perhaps the girl thought if she could save Chibi-Usa’s hat, she can finally have a friend for once in her sad life and not be completely miserable in her loneliness. For her selfless hat saving duties  of the day, the Good Samaritan is rewarded with a seizure.  Good job Chibi-Usa you almost killed a girl.

Kids, this is why you don’t do shit for people you don’t know.

hope_my_health_was_worth_it.png

That aside, Chibi-Usa thanks her newest bestest friend in the whole wide world, Hotaru Tomoe (mostly due to the writing of their newfound friendship felling forced, but that’s for another alcohol fuled night).  Chibi-Usa finally made a new friend despite having friends prior to meeting the weird ass lonely girl in the park, but something felt special about this meeting.  That or Chibi-Usa sensed Hotaru had no friends and she wanted to be nice cuz Hotaru looks like a bullied white kid that would shoot up a school, hang herself in her closet, or both.

(Don’t get me started on manga Hotaru holy fuck she was ready to die I’m not talking about that Biggie Smalls album)

After the monster-of-the-week (or a primitive Daimon if you’re going by the manga or the Crystal anime) gets bodied by Sailor Moon (but not before beating Chibi-Usa’s ass) , we learn that Hotaru has a secret that made her lonely in the first place: entry level healing factor powers.  Like, she can only heal minor scratches and cuts.  Not  like Wolverine level healing factor where he  can restore his entire body from their just their his damn skeleton in a matters of seconds.

Hotaru can just heal minor shit, that’s it.  No wonder your peers bullied you growing up*, your healing powers suck.  Even your new best friend Chibi-Usa wasn’t impressed by yours powers.  She’s a fuckin’ time traveling magical girl from the future, and her mom is like some goddess version of  Classic Doctor Strange on steroids (as if Classic Doctor Strange wasn’t on magical steroids already)  with reality wrapping powers and bullshit hax.  You tried Hotaru.  You tried.

*(Hotaru also got bullied cuz she had violent mood swings from being possessed  by an evil  space alien bitch and viciously attacked a classmate but that’s’ not important)

wp-1489174890007.jpg

My drunken inner asshole aside, Chibi-Usa was impressed by Hotaru’s powers.   Finally, there was somebody her age who had powers as well.  Hell in fact, Chibi didn’t find Hotaru’s powers weird or creepy at all.  She found it cool.  Hotaru finally felt accepted, even if it just by one person.  Baby steps kid.  Baby steps.

madoka_and_homura_become_friends
Homura and Madoka: A1s since Day 1.

Over the course of S, 90s Homura and Madoka grew closer. Chibi-Usa gets Hotaru out of the house more often to  go to fun cool places, hang out with Usagi’s crew and other shit to help Hotaru not feel like she has a worthless, sad life.

chibi_usa_introduce_hotaru_to_trees
Chibi-Usa also introduce Hotaru to weed as well cuz Hotaru needs to smoke.  And she also needs to  go see a mental health counselor jesus fucking chirst. 

 

Anyways, the alcohol is taking it’s toll on me, and I gotta work in the morning.  I hope you enjoy my drunken freewrite as much as my liver enjoyed taking punishment from alcoholic drinks just because I thought it would be great to write about fictional anime girls while drunks!

 

Where I stole the screencaps:
https://prettysoldierproject.com/