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Playing The Long Game As A Nerd (Freewrite)

 

“You still watching Dragon Ball Z, nigga?  Grow up!”
“Stop acting white! You’re too old to watch cartoons!”
“Go get some pussy and stop playing video games!”

Growing up as a (black) nerd in a backward ass Midwestern city was rough (in the early 2000s). Throughout middle and high school if you had nerdy interests, you were deemed a loser amongst your peers.   Nobody (outside your fellow outcasted nerds) wanted to fuck with you.  You were bullied, teased, and taunted for your nerdy passion.  I too dealt with my fair share of bullshit from normies who didn’t have the balls to step out of their comfort zone; unlike us nerds who didn’t fuck with that fitting in shit.

I still remember how my normie peers would tell me how being a nerd was uncool and that I need to grow up.  They claimed that video games and anime would never get me pussy, popularity, or money.  Of course, they were wrong.  Hell, even with my near grandiose levels of ego, I knew they were wrong. Mainly because  I spent my free-time shit posting and trolling gaming and anime forums communicating with older nerds who went through the same shit I was going through back then.   Many of them had wives, families, money, and status at their jobs.  Some even talked about how they hooked up with an equally nerdy chick or a dude at comic and anime conventions.

I mean shit, I looked up to Bill Gates when I in middle and high school.  Here was a nigga that  was a total nerd in his school days.  Was bullied for being a nerd, spent his weekends working on computers for 40 hours while everyone else was partying and doing stupid, unproductive shit. He played the long game with his brand and within a few decades, he became the richest men in the world.

So much for nerds being losers.

Reading about Bill Gates’s success (as well as the success of older nerds online) made me realize this at a young age:  If I’m going to dedicate my life to being a nerd and building something for myself off it,  then I better play the long game. I just knew deep down that nerd culture was going to be popular.  I just had this gut feeling that nerds and geeks in America will stop being bullied.  That we were going to be trendsetters. Game changers.  The dominant culture in entertainment (The Big Bang Theory doesn’t fuckin’ count).

At the turn of this decade (the 2010s),  my vision was coming true (for the nerd community). Blockbuster superhero movies were the norm.  Video games were treated as a respectful, valued form of entertainment.  Anime (and otaku culture) was accepted.  Anime and video game clubs were poppin’ up in high schools across America.  While nerds were still being bullied, it was happening far less often then decades past.  Kids were free to wear their favorite anime or superhero shirt without fear of being teased or mock.  Conventions were getting mainstream attention.  Being a nerd was now consider cool.

Playing my first long game paid off.

Playing the long game with your passion isn’t easy.  Do not think you won’t face difficulties as a player of the long game.  You are fuckin’ stupid and clueless if you think there no errors or hardships with the long game.  You will have people talk to out of your passion (as they do not see nor understand your vision).   You will get called weird, mad, goofy, insane, whatever your hopeless, average, bottom feeders peers will throw up in your face.  As a player of the long game, you need to block those people out.  Cut them out of your lives even.   Link up with other people who share your passion and understand that success takes years to achieve instead.

How do you play the long game as a nerd?  Simple: Pick something you’re passionate about.  You love vlogging about the latest episodes of mainstream anime?  Good.  Stick with it for a few years. Do you find joy in making others happy when you play video game music on your violin?  Perfect.  Keep it up for years and years on end.  Don’t expect success to come overnight.  If you do, quit right now.  You ain’t cut out for the long game.

To those still bitter about the past and how nerd culture is now popular: Good.  Stay mad.  I need bitter ass suckers like you so I don’t have to worry about fighting other nerds to get that number one spot and dominate and intimidate everyone in the culture one day. Keep being miserable.

For the normies who made fun of nerds and are only on the nerd train cuz it’s popular: Thanks for being suckers!  I look forward to making money and build my brand off yall niggas.

For the rest of us nerds who are taking advantage of this trend: Play hard.  Work hard.  Success is ours for the taking.

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Yuki’s Path to Doki Doki Literature Club’s Good Ending – Round 1: Sayori

You know, I truly believe that you can earn your happy ending in life – but only if you work and grind your ass off for it.  Video games (with multiple endings) drive this point home hard.  If you truly want that happy ending, then you have to go through hell to obtain it.  Doki Doki Literature Club is no expectation.  In order to get the game’s true/golden ending, we gotta go through hell first.  Well, okay we already went through hell once.  Let’s do it again.

‘Paradise starts in hell.’
-Tim Grover

To start, I’m going to tackle Sayori’s route first.  There’s a CG I have yet to obtain (at the time of this writing) from her route.   Plus, her cheerful attitude grown on me.  The too pure cinnamon bun thing, ya know?  Also, gonna name myself after my PC (“OWNER) to see if Monika detects that lol.

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I’m still mad at this bullshit.

Let me say this: Thank god for the skip text option.  Because fuck; I ain’t spending another two hours of my life reading all that bullshit in her route.  For some situations, I did read some of her lines and what others have to say about Sayori.  It’s strange: when you consume media for the first time, you do not pick up on the subtle clues the creator(s) hid within the art.  It’s only when you consume and experience it multiple times is when you start to pick up on the things that were once hidden.  Seeing how Sayori wanted to cheer everyone up to hide her depression and pain not only made sense, it was heartbreaking.

Monika mentioned that it was surprising to read Sayori’s poems on the topic of sadness as it was opposite to her normal cheerful personality.  Saying the obvious (Sayori conceals her depression from the club) is stupid so I won’t go into those details.  It does make you think about the people in your lives who are always happy and want to cheer everyone up.

Are they truly happy, or is their happiness a mask to hide their pain to make people not worry about them?

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“I could sleep forever.” That was the first clue.

Skipping through the dialogue I came across one of the two most important choices I need to make for this route: Would I rather walk back home with Sayori or Yuri.  In my original walkthrough, I selected Yuri (personal bias).  That was one of the catalyze that worsen Sayori’s depression.  In retrospect, I can understand how that fucked with Sayori’s head. I am not a mental health expert or anything, but seeing how Sayori reacted to that, I can only guess that she felt that she was a burden to the MC as well as her feeling worthless.  She probably started to overthink the situation and believed MC was pushing her away to hang out with Yuri (or any other club member).  Again, I do not know if that how depression works.

 

If anyone could be kind enough to correct me let me know.

I went with the “I’d still walk with Sayori” option.  I think I’m doing well.  I hope.  The third round of poem writing seems to get harder. The dark and depressing words seem to relate to Yuri more than Sayori, but I still got reactions from Sayori.  I’m starting to think the game knows I’m save scumming lol.    The day after, the club starts to prep for the festival.  Sayori is sitting alone as normal with her head bury in her desk.

At this point, you can sense that her depression is hitting harder as she once again does her façade of trying to make her crew not worry about her.  Perhaps it is because I am more in tune with my emotional/creative side of my brain, but I can’t help but feel bad about her and think about my friends who are battling depression.  Honestly, that shit breaks my heart and I feel helpless when I can’t help my friends feel better about themselves because of how cruel mental health illnesses are.

Maybe that’s why her character has grown on me on this second playthrough. Ha.

You know you’re dedicated to getting a good end when you panic and freak out thinking you fucked up.  When the MC goes to  Sayori house to check up on her, I started to think “Oh shit I made a mistake this is the suicide scene!”.  Then I remember that scene came a little bit later in the game so I still have time to do my save scum shit.  But nah, the first time MC goes over to Sayori’s house, she reveals that she has lifelong depression.

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This could be fate or just by chance, but I had my hip-hop instrumental playlist playing in the background.  The next song in the cycle was 2pac’s Pain from the movie Above The Rim. Fitting.  Sayori dealt with (mental) pain all her life.  We’re now seeing her tell her best friend about it.  There’s a sample from one of the Star Trek movies that are used in Pain.  I think it goes: “‘I couldn’t help but noticed your pain!’” “’My pain?’” “’It runs deep – share it with me!’”

(If I could get away with it, I would make a music mod of DDLC that uses 90s hip-hop music.  Pain would be perfect for Sayori revealing her depression to MC).

‘Why do we die at an early age?
‘Why there’s so much pain?’
‘Tired of the strain and the pain’

Yea.  Those lines work well with DDLC.

For preparations for the festival, I selected Natsuki to help me out .  I have yet to have any interactions with me from my first run through so I thought it would be best to check her shit out.  But since this is a Sayori-centric path, I’m gonna save my notes/thoughts on Natsuki for her path.  I do like Natsuki’s softer side though and she seems mellower than what she puts out on the surface.   Mellow Natsuki best Natsuki.

(I will like to say that the instrumental of Drake’s “Pound Cake” goes well with the baking scene between MC and Natsuki. Yes. Puns were intended.)

Now, finally, I arrived at the single most important point of this path; Telling Sayori if I love her or if I should put her in the friend zone.  In a normal run-through (without a guide), either decision led to Sayori’s suicide.  In that regard, telling Sayori you love her only to have her kill herself the next day hurts harder than simply telling her that she is your best friend.  Pretty fucked honestly.  In any case, I manage to unlock two CGs I needed for this path for the golden ending so I’m gonna dip out.

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Next: Natsuki.

 

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Yuki’s Doki Literature Club Adventures: Act 4 – Bad Ending (Freewrite)

‘This game will not have a happy ending.’
-Bernkastel, Umineko no Naku Koro ni

Major Spoilers: I lied.  Sayori is the final boss.
Warning: You should already know by now I play this game and write about it drunk.

I was warned that DDLC wouldn’t have a happy ending.  I shouldn’t sweat it too much; given I’m a fan of Umineko no Naku Koro ni: A 07th Expansion visual novel that too didn’t end happily.  The first half of my favorite Fire Emblem game, Fire Emblem 4: Genealogy of the Holy War, also didn’t end well.  And my favorite Persona game, Persona 3, had a depressing ending.  (Jesus fuck, maybe I’m secretly sad that’s why I like downer endings) Did I spoil myself on the bad ending for DDLC?  Yes.  But, I think by spoiling it, it drove me to finish the game (to see how sad and depressing the game ending is).  To tell the truth, I love it when consumer media concludes with a downer ending.  The happy ending thing is played out.  Fuck that happier ever happy shit.

Sometimes, you need a reminder of how brutal and unfair life can be.

 

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The movie been out for almost a month.  Don’t bitch about this spoiler.

 

After killing Monika I restarted the game.  It started as normal, expect Monika isn’t on the title screen.  Yay!  The wicked bitch is dead!  The game resume starting with act 1 like nothing happened expect the recently revived Sayori is now the president….Shes’ gonna be self-aware like Monika, isn’t she?

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In any case, MC  — rather, the player – joins the Literature Club.  Given Sayori’s position on the screen, she is the club’s president.  Yuri is on her left, so I’m assuming she retains her vice-president role.  The BGM is the title screen music.  Ya know, with the piano playing the melody.  Didn’t Monika play the piano?  Hold up…

Sayori gets all happy that the MC has joined her club.  You know, it’s kinda depressing:  Sayori is happy  Everyone is acting normal like they didn’t go through the chaos from Monika. Yet, we the players knew what these girls went through.  We know what is to come.  And there’s nothing we can do about it.

Sucks, doesn’t it?

As the girls celebrate the formation of the club, I couldn’t help but notice how more friendly Natsuki and Yuri are towards each other.  In Act 2 they were at each other throats, belittling one another and judging their hobbies.  In Act 4 however, they seem to respect one another, with Yuri wanting to learn more about manga and Natsuki wanting to learn about novel through Yuri.  What did I say in my Act 2 Part 2 writings?  Natsuki and Yuri could get along and become close friends – best friends even.

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(To tell the truth, I’d love to see a mod or a non-h doujin with  Natsuki and Yuri as they form a powerful bond. Natsuki could help Yuri overcome her fears, become more confident with herself, and fight her bullies. Yuri could help Natsuki learning about the arts.)

As MC and Sayori speak about how fun the club will become, Sayori thanks me (not MC), for getting rid of Monika.  I start to freak out as I’m still drunk from writing my Act 3 shit and the music becomes creepy and distorted.  Doesn’t help that  I’m wearing earbuds that are programmed to be bass boasted.

I made a terrible mistake, haven’t I?

I’m prepping myself for any jump scares or freaky shit so I may become sober as we get deep into this post.  Which probably is a catch 22 because Sayori revealed that she knew Monika did all the horrible things she did to the girls and the player.  She talks about how MCI made her the happiest girl in the world…hold up, didn’t Monika said some shit like this as well?  Please don’t tell me I gotta deal with another murderous nutjob girl who trying to get with the MC. I already had enough of that bullshit for one play through.

 

Sigh…do I have to delete another yandere bitch?   To quote a 90s Nickelodeon co-star “Awww here it goes!”

I’m sure the game knows I don’t wanna go through this bullshit again because the first choice of this act is “No.” Thank you game, I appreciate you.  Sayori’s spelling out “FOREVER” was creeping me the fuck out.   Hold up,  the game isn’t saving me…it’s Monika.

 

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Even this game was like “Yea no let’s not go through any more bullshit.”

 

 

Monika starts to hakai Sayori, the club, and the entire game.   After that, she starts to sing the game’s ending theme and the credits roll.  Apparently, I’m missing a few CG shots (given I have yet to tackle the Natsuki route and I didn’t fucking save scum).  Sigh…fuckin’ bad endings.

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Continued in Yuki’s Revenge Against This Fuckin’ Entry Level VN.

 

 

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Yuki’s Doki Doki Literature Club Adventures Act 3 (Freewrite)

Warning: Major spoilers for the finale of Act 2 and 3. Yuri dies.  Natsuki’s dad uses her as a punching bag. Sayori comes back to life. Monika is the final boss.  Gory imagery of your dead  visual novel waifu decaying below.  Adult themes.  Written under the influence of alcohol.

To my fellow Yuri fans; we got shitted on.  Boy, we got shitted on.  Bad enough she got brainwashed by Monika and was driven to “suicide”  by her  Bad enough we gotta see her bloody body.  But did Dan really have to make us watch her body decay for three days (in game)?  Real nigga shit, for 5-10 minutes we see Yuri body fuckin’ decay while Monika basically taunts us talkin’ about how happy she is to have friends in her club and shit.  I mean, me personally, my fucked up  in the head ass would made Yuri body bloated and do the whole rigor mortis super realistically with the CG art, so I can’t really talk shit. But still, I didn’t wanna see that shit.

…okay I actually didn’t see most of the decaying scene.  I got bored and decided to roll up a blunt cuz that shit was taking too long.

I do have  a few  questions though.  How the fuck did MC survive 2-3 days without food or water while he was trapped in the classroom with Yuri’s body?  How did this nigga not go insane?  He watched his homegirl kill herself and rot in front of his eyes.  I’m sure anyone would had gone crazy seeing that shit. Also why didn’t he call anyone up and tell them what happened?  I understand he was in shock but after a while you would figure he could made a few phone calls.

Eh, it’s video game logic let me not think about it too much.

The weekend came and gone and MC is still trapped in the school with Yuri’s body.  I wonder if he started to eat parts of her body to live.  I mean, when you need to survive and there’s no other source of food… Okay, that’s  fucked up.  Natsuki come up to the club room to prep for the festivial with the reminidng  living  crew.  She spots MC and is surprise that he arrived earlier than her.  A few days earlier but still early.    As Natsuki is about to prep (for the festival) she sees Yuri’s body and starts to freak out.  She also starts to vomit because…yeah, rotting dead body.

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Now, I ain’t a forensic nigga, but wouldn’t you think Natsuki would had smelt Yuri’s body before she got into the classroom?  She goes in the clasrom carefree and doesn’t smell anything until she hits the classroom.  I ain’t gonna look that shit up cuz I don’t want Google to think I’m some serial killer or anything but still, science and everything.   Natsuki starts to run away and Monika enters the classroom.  She wonders why Natsuki was screaming and runnin’, sees Yuri’s body and put two and two together.  Instead of freaking out and/or asking questions Monika simply says “Well, that’s a shame.”

Monika is a fuckin’ psychopath.   Or sociopath.  Whatever. I ain’t a psychologist.

Monika admits that she was screwing around with the game’s script and by doing so, she forgot to let MC escape the room.  Thanks.  Your jealously and murderous intent caused this man to have irrssevial psychological damage. Good job.  As Monika conitutne to brag about her failure she erased Natsuki and the remains of Yuri like she’s a Dragon Ball Super God of Destruction.  You know, I wanna see Monika dressed like a God of Destruction.  She’ll be a perfect fit for Universe 3 given it’s an universe heavily focoued on the advancement of technology (with her being an AI program).

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Monika talks about how it’s the last time she’ll get to fuck around with the script or something and things get weird.  The game glitches out.  The classroom changes to this sinster shit in outer space or something I don’t know I’m too drunk to describe it.  Monika is happy to see me – not the MC – me.  I tried to save the game but Monika doesn’t allow it because she ain’t going anywhere.  Joy.

Is this consider the  end game?  Did I beat the game?  I was hoping so cuz I had to work in a few hours (at the time I played this act) and I didn’t wanna deal with this jealous murderous chick and her trying to get into my personal life.  First, she asked if my name was really “YourName”.  In my head, I’m thinking “no you goofy bitch I was trying to see if the game would pick up on me dicking around and naming myself ‘Your Name” when it asked me to enter your name.  Then she asked if I go by “Owner”.
 

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Chill I ain’t into that kinda shit.

 

Monika, look.  I get you’re in love with the player/me. I get that you may have some kinks like any other normal person. But  I am not into pet play or that owner shit.  If you’re trying to find a someone to entertain your fetishes I ain’t the one cuz that’s some white people shit. I mean it’s cool to like guys older than you. I myself have a thing for older women.  Older women who won’t fuckin’ kill people out of jealously, mind you.

Then I remember that my my laptop is named “Owner”. Whelp!

Monika starts to admit that she made the other girls go crazy in  an attempt to get in the player’s pants.  She brags about making Sayori’s depression worse in order to make the poor girl commit suicide.  Monika didn’t mean to, but shit happens. I understand.  But real shit that’s fucked up.  She also brags aboutt  corrupting Yuri’s obbessive personality.  Therefore, it lead her to kill herself. The girls starts to bitch about how lonely she is (you’re a murderer I can see why nobody wanna be around you) and how much it sucked that the other girls were programmed to fall in love with me while she just sit and watched.

Okay.  Real nigga shit: If you were Monika and you know you were an AI who could  control their fate, wouldn’t you just went ahead and make yourself known in the first place? Make yourself the perfect girl for the player. So perfect that he would have to choose you over the other girls.

Oh wait, Monika’s a fuckin’ idiot nevermind.

 

I almost feel bad for Monika.  Almost.  She didn’t chose to be born a program.  She didn’t choose to live in an artifical world.  Then again, she is also manipulative as fuck so I don’t truly feel sorry for her.  She show me a poem she wrote about an happy ending which would had been sweet and cute but you know: the whole trapped in the room of inifinty thing.   Monika then asks if I know any artists who could draw her in some casual clothes (given she only wear her school clothes).

Well, there are artist out there but they usually draw Monika without any clothes. You can go search for that I ain’t gonna help you out,

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After showing me her poem and her talkin’ she ask that she should look into each other eyes since we have nothing better do to in her world.  That’s really fuckin’ boring.  For real, I ain’t gonna fuckin’ stare at a fuckin’ piece of anime art for horus on end.

Apperently if you wait a while Monika reveals a few things about herself (she loves animals), the girls (such as Yuri sneaking wine into the school through her purse), and  the world she lives in. But like I said, I had money to make and I doubt my boss would be happy that I cameo work late over a fuckin’ video game so I had to delete Monika.

So I did.  I closed the game, deleted Monika and restarted it.  Monika gets all mad and everything like I did something wrong (because erasing her was a worse crime than her murdering three innocent people).  She confessed that she loved me and will always love me.  To show her love, she brought the other girls back to life.  Yay.

Me personally?  I don’t love Monika.  Fuck Monika.

“She said ‘do you love me?’ I tell her ‘only partly’ I only love my bed and my momma, I’m sorry.”

-Drake, God’s Plan

Continued in Act 4.

 

AFTERWORD

Me: “Man, fuck Monika!”
Also me:
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Backside of Our Desires (Freewrite)

Recently I started reading Relentless: From Good, To Great,  To Unstoppable by Tim Grover (athletic trainer for iconic basketball players such as Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant) after months of the book sitting on my dresser.  Skimming through the table of contents I found a chapter that took my attention.  The chapter: “When You’re a Cleaner… …You Have a Dark Side That Refuses to be Good”.  I went straight to that chapter (as I  know I have a dark side and comfortable with that), yearning to understand why it’s okay to have one.

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The chapter opens up with Tim saying this: ‘A cooler tries to fight his dark side and loses.  A closer acknowledges his dark side but isn’t able to control it.  A cleaner harnesses his dark side into raw, controlled power.’  While I simply nodded and smile (a twisted smile at that), I started to laugh a bit. ‘What kinda Persona 2, 4, and 5 type shit is this?’ I asked myself.  I mean, I doubt Tim Grover is a gamer nor does he gives a fuck about video games, but I couldn’t help to think about the Persona series when reading the chapter.  In Persona 2, 4, and 5, you encounter the “Shadow Self” of the heroes.

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Simply put, the Shadow Self is the “corrupted’ version of a character. It is their hidden desires and thoughts they do not want the world to see.  Domination.  Revenge.  Anger.  Jealously. Lust.  Pride. Hatred.  You name it.  It is the character true self. Yukiko (Persona 4) secretly wants to be liberated from her duties as heir of her family’s business.  That’s her true self.  Maya’s (Persona 2) anger towards her childhood friends.  That’s how she actually feels about the situation that happened to her (as a child).  There’s nothing wrong with them.  It’s just their repressed feelings they have yet to deal with.    We felt those dark feelings often and there’s nothing wrong with it. What’s wrong is if we let those feelings control us – not the other way around (or worse, if we try to fight them).

 

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Shadow Maya

 

It is said that if anyone tries to deny their shadow self in the Shadow world, their shadow will become enraged and kill the person.  In short, they’re coolers. Adachi (Persona 4) knew he had a dark side and rather than control it, the darkness in his heart lead to the murders of two innocent women (and it almost caused the destruction of the world).  He’s a closer.   Yukiko however, came to terms to her dark desires and understood those feelings shouldn’t be demonized.   Because Yukiko accepted her dark feelings (rather than denying them) , her shadow manifested into raw, controlled power (her Persona) – which she would use to save the world with her friends.

Yukiko is a cleaner.

 

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Shadow Yukiko and Normal Yukiko

 

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Be real with yourself and don’t bullshit me: You have dark desires that you don’t want the world to know.  It’s oaky.  Those desires do not make you a horrible human being (as long as they’re not unethical, illegal, etc.).  You want power and control?  That’s okay.  So do I and many other people in this world.  You wish to dominate in your niche and be the baddest man or woman in it?  Same here man.  Had wrong doings against you or those you love and you want the people responsible to suffer for it?

Me too.

Since I’m on that topic, let’s take Futaba (Persona 5) for example.  Her Shadow self was rooted in her desire to confirm that her mother was murdered (rather than committing suicide as originally reported).  Futaba lusted for revenge against the people who murdered her mom.  Futaba was going to kill herself (over the grief and stress of losing her mom) until her shadow talked her out of it and  told her that she has friends who love and support her.   How could Futaba get revenge against the people who killed her mom if she had offed herself?  Upon accepting her true feelings of wanting revenge Futaba became a cleaner.

 

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Shadow Futaba and Normal Futaba

 
Now, do you see how there’s nothing wrong with having a dark side? A shadow?  Your shadow self should be used as a positive.

You were used! They forged her suicide note nad laid the blame of her death upon you! They trampled all over your young heart!  Get mad! Don’t forgive those rotten adults!”

-Shadow Futaba

NOTES:
Coolers: Your average guys.  They get job done at a simple, everyman level.  Your 9-to-5ers basically.
Closers: Those who go up and beyond just a little bit.  They may do a little bit extra than the average guy, but won’t go far when face with issues that they can’t handle

Closers: Your top/god tier men and women.  They do not fear pressure, advisesity, or problems.  In fact, they love them.  They are willing and able to dominate in any situation even if the situation is filled with problems without error.

Shadow Yukiko art source:
https://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=3428393

(Three years later I’m still mad Shadow Futaba’s white/Asian/what the fuck her race is ass dressed up like an Egyptian lmfao)

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Yuki’s Doki Doki Literature Club Adventures: Act 2 Part 2 (Freewrite)

Warning: Major spoilers for Act 2.  Gory imagery of your dead, entry-level visual novel waifu below.  Adult themes. Written while under the influence of alcohol.

I dunno if I mentioned this yet, but Yuri is my favorite character in DDLC.  I can to relate to her issues (overthinking, worrying about what others think about me, etc).   I used to find it hard to open myself to others due to my own problems of being bullied for being weird (took me years to overcome this). I can talk  about the things I love with strong passion for hours.  I get happy when I find people who appreciate me and my work.

Now, with that out of the way, can I say that Yuri is fucking crazy as fuck?   Did this bitch forgot to take her meds before coming to school?  Why does she need to carry a pocket knife around school for?   Why did she felt the need to bring up Natsuki’s abuse; all because she wouldn’t win an argument against her?  And if she couldn’t be even lower, she tells Monika to kill herself to reveal her stress.

Bitch got issues.

 

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I don’t think that’s how that works, Yuri.

 

Today’s Yuki Adventures in DDLC won’t have much substance. Been lackin’ due to work.  Therefore, this post is based off my ever fading memories (thanks to alcohol and weed).  There won’t be as much excitement as my past DDLC adventure posts.

I left off with Monika telling MC that Yuri likes to cut herself (to deal with her emotions) and that I saw something he shouldn’t see.  Now, my thing is this: If Monika knows Yuri cuts herself, why doesn’t she help her friend out?  Tell her to seek a therapist or somethin’ fam. Ah well.  After that, Monika theorizes that Yuri may be cutting herself for sexual pleasure.
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Alright, Yuri is into some things.  I remember my homegirl telling me that Yuri is freaky.  But I didn’t know she was that freaky. Knifeplay is one thing (since you [usually] have to use a dull knife for such acts – don’t ask how I know I just know).  But cutting yourself to get off?  Yea, no that’s crazy.

Yuri, stop it. Get some help.

Monika concludes with that I should spend more time with her because she’s sane.   Monika, sane people don’t call themselves sane.  They especially don’t tell their friends to delete their other friends.   Oh yea, Monika wanted me to delete Yuri and that it’ll be a difficult decision.  Nah, what’s difficult is dealing with a crazy girl who’s plotting against her friends because she can’t get her crush to fuck her.  That, and actually deciding if I wanna delete Yuri just to see if I unlocked a path.  Of course, the game has a habit of deleting your saved files (because being annoyed that you lost your files when you need to take notes for your blog is true psychological horror…) so I decided against Monika’s wishes.

Monika rants about how much she cares about the MC/me/whatever I don’t care anymore and how we’re the only real people in the club (lazy foreshadowing).  She’s not doing a great job at hiding the fact she’s the villain and wants to kill her digital friends.  She may have many talents, but hiding her intentions ain’t one of them.

 

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Nah, you’re faker than them Jordans you find at those dirty ass flea markets.

 

Yuri pops up and pulls MC to the side to ask him some stupid questions.  First, she asks him if he noticed Monika’s recent strange behavior.  I wanted to say “Yes, you fucking idiot she’s been plottin’ against all y’all since day 1 she is actin’ strange!” but I doubt she could hear me (despite DDLC’s genius level fourth wall breaking gameplay).  But yes Yuri, to answer your question Monika has been acting strangely lately.  Next, she asked if she’s not crazy or anything.

Well, Yuri, here some things thing:
1. You did lick and suck the MC’s finger clean of blood (after  he cut himself on your knife).
2. You’re into knives. Not only that, you get off to the danger of knives.
3. When you were reading with the MC, you started to breath heavy.
4. You touched yourself to MC’s poem and did things to your own poem that I can’t go into full details because this isn’t an adult WordPress site (more on that later)
5. You made Natsuki cry.
5B. You said that nobody would cry  or miss her if Natsuki killed herself.
6. You told Monika to kill herself.

Bitch. You’re fuckin’ crazy.

If I was the MC, I’d tell her she is, but that would run the risk of being stabbed to death by her. Yanderes don’t like being called what they are.  As the two talk about how much of a fake, slimy snake Monika is guess who pop up a totally heard MC and Yuri’s conversation (because these two idiots didn’t just go further down the hall away from the club to talk shit)? Monika! Personally,  I was hoping Monika would grab Yuri by her hair and start beating the shit outta her (for talking that shit behind her) but I didn’t make the game.  Look: if you’re gonna talk shit about somebody, make sure they can’t hear you.

 

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Kids: This is how people wind up on World Star Hip Hop fight compilations.

 

Some shit happen that I don’t remember so let’s pretend something happen between that scene and the next poem review scene.  Natsuki comes up to MC with her “poem”.  Strange, given she hates the poems I make the MC write (because I’m not a weeaboo like her) but MC accepted anyway.  Here, we’re are given a look at Natsuki’s softer side.  Instead of a poem, Natsuki gives dude a note about Yuri’s strange behavior.  It’s revealed that Natsuki secretly cares for Yuri and it hurts her to see Yuri acting abnormally.  She wants to help and befriend Yuri but fears Yuri will snap on her (due to their conflicting history).

I’m not shock by this.  Yea, Natsuki is a tsundere and that was tsundere do.  However, Natsuki’s concerns for Yuri make sense if you compare the two. They’re relentless about their passions. They’re often misunderstood.  They will fight to the bitter end in what they believe in.  The two tend to hide their issues from others.  They will only reveal their true, softer side to those who they can trust.

I can totally see them being close, if not, best friends.

 

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Natsuki and Yuri reading manga together.

 

But they won’t. Because Just Fuckin’ Monika.  After Natsuki snitched on herself that she actually cares about people, the game starts glitching madly. The text box is spam with the words “Just Monika” over and over until the game “reset” to the title screen.  Then, I’m greeted with more “Just Monika” text.

The game resumed per “normal”.  MC gave his poem to Yuri and she reads over. Yuri starts to praise it.  She loves it.  Loves it so much that she tells MC that she’s gonna take it home and fuck herself while reading it.  For real, the fuck is wrong with Yuri?  After gushing (probably literally) over MC’s poem, she gives him her poem – which is covered in her blood and what I can only guess is either urine or dried up female ejaculatory fluids. And said poem is endowed it with her scent.

I am pretty sure Yuri may have sexually harassed the MC.

Following that, Monika speaks to MC about spending the weekend with her instead of the other girls.  Yuri (obviously) didn’t like that idea and goes off on Monika. Yuri calls the kettle black and accuses Monika of being jealous. Then she asks her if she taking her anger and jealously out on the club because she hates herself and if so, she should kill herself (to benefit her mental health).

Boys and girls, this is why Yuri has no friends.

Once that died down, Natsuki and Monika leave school and Yuri is all alone with the MC.  Great.  The crazy bitch has the boy she wants all by himself.  The yandere with the knife collection is alone with the MC. Again, the crazy ass, nutty ass, yandere ass knife lover is alone with the boy she crushin’ on hardcore.  What could go wrong?

Yuri confesses to the MC that she’s in love with him. Clearly.  Then she reveals that she stole his pen and fucked herself with it.  Okay.  That’s creepy, but still ain’t that bad.  Next, she was like “You love me too, right?  You accept my love?”.  I’m presented a choice to tell her if I do or not.  I said yes: only because I am a fucking idiot who have a thing for smart, quiet, shy girls.  And I also have a thing for anime girls with purple hair. Yuri gets excited.  Super excited.  So excited that she starts to breathe heavy, laughs, and whips out her knife to stab herself to death.

At was at that moment, I  knew, I fucked up.  Continued in Act 3.

 

poems 0

Dreams (Poem)

Let me tell you about outlandish dreams.
No, not the ones created through grandiose delusions and fantasies.
But the ones we entertain during deep slumbers of the night.
That disobeys the nature and order of our realities.

Dreams that tell about fantastic tales beyond human comprehension.
That pushes beyond the limits and barriers of imagination.
When we wake from our dreams we are given no explanation.
For what went on in our head during deep relaxation.

A mad bus driver drifting her bus through the city.
Pretending that she’s a street racer without pity.
Unbeknownst to the bus driver lacking sanity.
There’s a drunken demon on it shouting profanity.
At the back of the bus, there’s a bewitching succubus.
Who narcissistic praises reveal such vanity.

See how insensible a person’s dreams can be?
They can be outlandish and meaningless you see.
But some dreams carry about a dreadful omen.
And predictions of a future yet seen by men.

Symbolism and imagery that give clues to the unforeseen.
Warning us about untold events as we dream.
The vicious barking and growls of a black dog,
Reveal to us our friend’s betrayal.
A heartbroken woman carrying a knife,
Tells her to cut out the cheater in her life.

Our dreams tell us many things while we sleep.
Many that are shallow, yet few that are deep.
Dreams that alert us to danger and doom.
Or dreams that show us our personal bloom.
Pay attention to your dreams next time you’re in bed.
For they can tell us about the unknown coming ahead.
Silly dreams, don’t think about them too much.
Deep dreams, analyze them, as they tell so much.

 

ART SOURCE:
https://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=4881349

Raw and Unedited 0

Hating Popular Things Makes You An Intresting Person (Freewrite)

Mark Twain once said, “Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.” Anyone who does not think Averages: Infinity Wars is a masterpiece superhero film obviously stands opposite to the majority.   Bored at work, I decided to make a shitpost on some Black nerd anime group stating that I do not think Infinity War was a great film (despite the fact I have yet to see it and I wanted to stir up a flame war). The post was merely an excuse to secretly give spoilers of characters dying (as I used a gif of Beerus of Dragon Ball Super erasing Zamasu from existence: a subtle hint to what Thanos did half the universe in the movie).

As expected, Marvel fanboys (who can’t handle the fact people won’t dickride their favorite movies/comics) attacked me. They called me a troll, a hater, insane, whatever insults they could use against during their blind fanboy rage.  I simply laughed: as they didn’t know I never watched the movie (and I was going off spoilers I read online). Manipulative? Yes.  Yes, it was.  Do I care? Nope. Anyways, scrolling through yet another masterpiece troll post of mines I came across a post with the Kirby meme “Hating on popular things doesn’t make you interesting.”

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I love this meme.  Love to make fun of it given how silly it is to think that way.  See, I think people who don’t like things others enjoy are interesting.  They bring something different to the table. A unique taste or flavor so to speak. It gets boring talking to people who share similar interests.  I rather have somebody who’s a bit of an outlier around.  You can’t debate and/or argue with people that share your views – you don’t learn at all from them.

Somebody who has opposite viewpoints, you can learn from them.

By interacting with those who may not share your views, you learn what makes them tick. Somebody may not Pokemon, but they love Digimon.  They might be willing to share their love of Digimon with you to give you an insight of thin passion.  You get invited to go over to their house to watch a few episodes of it and you may even enjoy it.  Dealing with people who are opposite of you is great. Furthermore, you’ll learn skills to handle situations where somebody might have a disagreement with you.

Do you really think you’re an interesting person because you like what’s popular – just like everyone else?  You’re not.  You’re not different.  You’re boring. Bland.  Uninspiring.  Whenever I see a post like “hating on popular things doesn’t make you cool” or whatever, that just tells me this: “I am secretly insecure about the things I enjoy and I can’t’ handle criticism on it because I don’t have confidence towards it.” Confident people don’t let the “hate” get to their head. They just move on with their lives, heads held up high knowing what they enjoy is hot shit.  Nobody can tell them otherwise. So what if people hate things you enjoy?  Stop reacting to the hate and do you.

I believe this world needs that balance of people loving and hating on popular things.

Real Talk 0

Don’t Lose Your Head By Letting Victories Get to Your Head (Freewrite)

Matoko Itou of School Days thought he was a player.  He was able to court the alluring yet quiet Kotonoha; a girl many in their school deemed unobtainable (due to her wealth and lack of social skills). The two started dating, although it was one-sided as Matoko only wanted her for sexual reasons. Bored with Kotonoha, Matoko went after her best friend,  Sekai.  Sekai went ahead with his advances despite the fact that her homegirl was dating the man.  One would think that a man would be satisfied with sleeping with two girls (who both happened to be best friends), but this is Matoko Itou.  After screwing around with Sekai multiple times, the kid set his sights on different girls; including Kotonoha’s bullies the mutual friends of Kotonoha, Matoko, and Sekai.

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From left-to-right: Kotonoha, Matoko, and Sekai.

Matoko could have stopped right then and there.  He already slept with multiple girls but he wanted more.  He got more than what he wanted when Sekai winded up becoming pregnant with his child.  Upon knowing he would become a father, Matoko decided to stop his player shit – but it was far too late.  Sekai, anger by the selfish actions of Matoko, murdered him.

Kotonoha then finds Matoko’s body and severed his head.  She then killed Sekai out of jealousy.

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When it comes to victories, many men let the results of their actions get to their head.  They are ignorant of the dangers of that lies ahead of victories.  Error, pitfalls, and downfall lie in wait for foolish people who push past their mark.  You need to learn how to be happy with your results from your victories and check yourself so that you won’t be consumed by the greed of wanting more than you can handle.  It will cost you more than what it is worth.

Yes, Matoko earned the right to be happy and celebrate his success of courting a girl such as Kotonoha.  Yes, it was normal for him to feel great about it. But to pursue other young women when he had Kotonoha was foolish.

Seducing her went to his head. He lost it as a result – figuratively and literally.

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Can’t show gore here so here’s a nice boat. 

‘The moment of victory is often the moment of greatest peril. In the heat of victory, arrogance and overconfidence can push you past the goal you had aimed for, and by going too far, you make more enemies than you defeat.

Do not let success go to your head.’
Law 47 of the 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene

(Now, use your head and do NOT watch School Days. It is a dumpster fire of poor production quality and writing)

Real Talk 0

Be Careful: There Might Be a Monika in Your Circle

They smilin’ in your face
All the time, they wanna take your place
The Backstabbers

The Backstabbers by The O’Jays (1972 soul song)

Monika of Doki Doki Literature Club is one fake ass bitch.  First off, she tricked everyone with her smile, charming personality, and warm appearance.  She made you think that she’s friendly and cool. Yet, she winds up murdering her friends and kidnapping the main character (MC) out of jealousy.  Rather than celebrating her friends for getting with the MC, she manipulated their personalities and had them killed.  Kinda like how the fake people in our lives act. They see you winning or making moves and rather than to clap for your victories, they be on some passive aggressive shit. They love to talk ill of your achievements. They love to plot against you over what you have (because you have what they don’t).   They run their mouths to others about your flaws and spread rumors to discredit you.  Seems bad, right?

Nope. It gets worse.

Some fake friends you dead!  They wanna see you die! They might even kill you themselves! You don’t even know it.  Just like how Sayori, Natsuki, and Yuri were unaware that their “friend” Monika was planning to kill them, you just might have a friend in your circle who wants you dead.  They want to kill you because they can’t stand the fact you have more than them.  They can’t stand it that you – somebody who wasn’t supposed to be something  –  became something.

How do you know if you might have a Monika in your circle?  Let’s find out.

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Source: https://glamist.deviantart.com/art/Lonely-songbird-DDLC-728241599

In order to detect the Monika, we gotta break down what is and what makes a Monika. In short, a Monika is that friend who’s super jealous, insecure, and angry at everyone winning.  They see everyone gaining success and that makes them bitter. Because of that, they come up with schemes to bring you down.  You ever did something that’s worthy of praise and everyone clapped and celebrate for you it but one of your friends didn’t?  Or they say some slick shit about it without any advice to improve and better yourself?

That’s your Monika.

Monika didn’t celebrate any of her friends for getting close to MC.  In fact, what makes her pathetic is that Monika had the nerve to talk shit about her friends behind their back.  When the MC catches Yuri cutting herself, Monika takes him back to the classroom and the two have a little talk.  Monika mentions that Yuri self-harms as an outlet to express her emotions – in addition to possible sexual reasons. Then,  she wanna ask you if that kinda messed up.

Nah, what’s mess up is that this bitch knows her homegirl cuts herself and ran her mouth about her friend’s private mental health issues to another friend. A  real friend would have been like “Let’s help our homegirl out. Let’s have her talk to a therapist so she can get the help she needs. We need to be there for her and love her regardless of what’s going on in her life.”  A real friend would have confronted their friend about their self-harm habits  – not spread that information to others.

 

 

 

See, you gotta be careful about telling your flaws and issues to some friends.  You may think they care about your issues, but in reality, they don’t.  And they will spread that information to others just to make you look and feel bad. Reflect on a time when you told a “friend” about a situation that was personal and private. You thought you did right in telling that friend such information but they turned around and told others.  And you only found out after a 3rd party informed you of such details (who wasn’t supposed to have that information).

That’s that Monika shit.

This brings me to my final point.  The fake friend – the Monika – will overexaggerate your flaws around others to make you seem like a horrible person.  In DDLC, Monika admitted that she manipulated her friends’ negative traits to extreme levels in hopes that she could trick the MC to fall in love with her instead. Sayori was battling life-long depression.  Rather than helping her homegirl out, Monika drove Sayori to suicide.  Yuri may have been a little passionate about the things she loves. Monika decided to turn Yuri’s passionate personality into that of an aggressive, obsessive love-struck girl. Monika made Natsuki low-ley said some shit about a possible abusive homelife and use it against Natsuki. All of this, just to make her friends looks bad in the MC’s eyes.

 

 

 

In the real world, fake friends will make your negative flaws and traits seem worse than what they already are. If they want to make a villain or somebody that nobody should associate with, they will do it.  Fake people love to use your flaws in order to get ahead in life or reach their goals.  A real friend will say something about your flaws and help you improve on them.  A fake friend stays quiet about your flaws in order to screw you over.

The Monika in your circle will use your flaws against you.

While Monika is a fictional character in a fake world, the dangers of fake, backstabbing friends are real.  They let their insecure nature get to their head: driving them to do horrible things to their “friends”.   They do not praise the success of their friends. Rather, they talk ill about such things. They see your flaws and errors as a chance to bring you down.  They don’t care about improving their own flaws or helping you with yours.  They just want to be on top by any selfish means.

If you have a Monika in your circle cut them off now.

Fake friends: When they done talking to you, they start talking about you.

-Nino Brown (from his audiobook Mackin’ and Stackin’ Vol. 2)

FURTHER TOOL ON DEALING WITH FAKE FRIENDS:

poems 0

The Scariest Ghoul (Original Poem)

Do you want to know about the scariest ghoul that haunts all men?
A ghoul so frightful that even the non-superstitious believe in him.
He is not a character that you’ll find in children books.
Nor in books of the horror genre that adults love to read for cheap spooks.
Yet, adults seem to be more afraid of this ghoul than children.
So, who is this scary ghoul that haunts and terrorizes all?
Regret.
 
Regret is the scariest ghoul known to men.
 
It lingers in the hearts of all who have the misfortune of meeting him.
He greets us every day with the everlasting thoughts of “what could have been”
He loves to give us chilling reminders of things we should have done back then.
Taunting us with options long since passed.
And of dreams and ideas that were denied the precious gift of reality.
 
Regret is the scariest ghoul known to men
 
The ghoul of regret is that of cruelty.
He loves it when we are in deep reflection,
of actions, we should have taken.
And of choices, we should have gone with instead.
For him, that’s the perfect time to speak to us.
“Remember that time you asked that cute girl out? Me neither”.
“Weren’t you supposed to take that language class? That’s right, you’ll do it tomorrow.”
“How those piano tutorials going? Oh, my bad. You gave up on that idea.”
“When you gonna ever leave that boring job? Never.”
He finds joy in belittling our lack of action and courage.

Regret is the scariest ghoul known to men.

Chants. Spells. Prayers. Talismans.
Neither mantras nor magic will destroy this ghoul.
Good luck trying; you’ll spend your life dealing with him.
It’s so funny how we think about with regrets.
So much that regret becomes a natural part of our lives.
Maybe if you take action now, the ghoul of regret will leave you alone.
He doesn’t like to haunt the go-getter types.
The ones who don’t play around and get things done.
And achieve dreams.
But most humans aren’t like that.
So the ghoul of regrets has infinite amount of people to haunt.
 
Isn’t that truly horrifying?
higurashi no naku koro ni 0

Higurashi is Back!

When I had first received word of a new Higurashi anime coming out, I was thinking to myself ‘This has to be a troll’.  The Higurashi series is over. There is  no casual anime fan that  fucked with Higurashi since Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni Kira (if even that)The visual novel side of the fandom is niche as hell.  You ask some norime anime fan they heard of Higurashi and they’re either going to look at you silly or think you’re a sick fuck that gets off to lolis killing each other. Higurashi is not and will never come back.

Or so I thought.

Right before I was going to take a power nap, my YouTube notification alert went off on my phone.  Subconsciously, I grabbed my phone to see what lame video some lame YouTuber has uploaded. As I scrolled down to unveil my shameful clutter of news in my notification bar, I was greeted with something that made my usual pathetic day better:

The haunting cries of the cicadas.  Rika doing her classic “Nippah!” catchphrase.  The yandere Shion in her Angel Mort uniform.  Mion…with a butcher’s knife.  Okay. She’s finally snapped or whatever but she’s back.  Our favorite characters are back…alongside some new characters that I don’t give a shit about.  One of them looks like series creator Ryukishi07. Okay,  it may not be him and I’m probably just being prejudice towards Asians.

 

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I mean, he looks like Ryukishi07.  I swear I don’t think all Asians look alike. I only think that about white people.

 

As I’m watching the trailer I couldn’t help but notice the text in the upper right-hand corner: Last Period.  ‘Did Ryukishi finally tell Studio Deen to fuck off and got with a new animation studio!?’ I thought to myself.  I went ahead to do some research on this “Last Period” and things became clear on why Higurashi was coming back.

Last Period is a smartphone RPG game.  Joy.  Fuckin’ joy. I mean, it’s awesome Higurashi is coming back in animation form.  However, it’s being pimped to sell a fuckin’ RPG. Ryukishi, did something happen?  I know BT’s death fucked your head up and everything but damn man, you broke too? Were those Umineko pachinko games secretly a front by the Yakuza for money and now you got too deep with them?  You owe them some cash?  You good bruh?

Jokes aside, I am happy Higurashi no Naku Koro ni is coming back. It’s one of those series that has a life-long impact on me as an otaku, consumer of art,  a creator, and as a person.  Even if Higurashi is crossing over with a smartphone JRPG series, I’m still going to watch anything Higurashi related.  Expect Kira.  That was a fuckin’ mess.  But really, I hope this collab project is a success because I want more Higurashi.  Hell, that might mean we might get a faithful adaption of Umineko no Naku Koro ni

…you know what, let me not get my hopes up.

 

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Bunny/Pervy Nurse Tanako was the only good thing about Higurashi Kira.

 

Maybe not all weeaboos on the internet aren’t all trolls trying to raise my hopes up. Maybe there is a God who actually loves me and wants me to be happy with my life.
Maybe Studio Deen won’t fuck this up. Regardless, there’s a new Higurashi anime coming out and I’m happy.

 

Sources:
Last Period x Higurashi no Naku Koro ni collab website:
http://lastperiod.happyelements.co.jp/collaboration/higurashi/

Last Period x Higurashi no Naku koro ni animation trailer

 

 

poems 2

Race and Crash (Original Poem)

Racetrack.
Hot, black asphalt.
Snaking around the course.
Racers gather ‘round, bumper-to-bumper.
Each wishes to dominate over their competitors.
We rev our engines, our cars roaring with intimidation.
We wait without patience,
As the starting lights sang,
That familiar tune.

Ding. Ding. Ding. DING!
Lap one.

The race begins.
Start slow.
No need to rush just yet.
Let the losers fight for first.
Then push for it when they’re tired.
A sudden left.
Tricky corner.
Wrap my car around it with ease
Such mastery and grace.
Zip ahead the slow racers.
Who never master that turn.
8th, 7th, 6th, 5th,4th they’re too slow.
3rd, 2nd, and 1st,
Take their place.
And now I, The Champion
Won first.

End lap one.
Lap Two.

The losers want my top position
I peep into my rearview
Rookie idiot crashed
Trying to take my place
I laughed, you thought you could win.
Low class.
Another loser comes close.
I’ll be nice.
Have first place.
You look so happy.
Hope you win.
Go for it, you can do it!
Actually.
Changed my mind,
I zipped past that loser
With a smirk
Finish line draw nears,
And I remind in first place.

End Lap two.
Final Lap.

Victory draws near.
Defend my rightful first place.
Against men desperate to win
This crazy race.
No more playing hit the gas.
If you’re not first you’re last.
Some loser comes near.
Too near.
Adrenaline rush.
It’s so much.
How you got so close?
No worries.
I turn my head back to taunt
“You’ll never win!”
I laughed.
When I win, I’m gonna flaunt

Or not. Shit, that’s a wall, isn’t it?

CRASH
And then I lost the race.
That “loser” became the best.
There goes being at the top.
In victory, know when to stop.

AFTERWORD:

In the original draft of this poem, this was going to speak about overthinking and a racing mind (thus the racing symbolism) but that shit was falling apart so I decided to go a simple route and talk about how being overconfident and cocky can lead to one’s downfall.

Plus, I was blasting some F-Zero music so there’s that.

Freewriting 0

Playing the Long Game (Freewrite)

Recently, my friend came back to town for the Easter holiday weekend.  I haven’t seen him in over a year, so naturally, I had to hit my boy up and see how he’s doing.  After work decided to pay him a visit to see how he was doing.  As I arrived at his parents’ house (where he was staying), I saw playing chess against our homegirl.  I’ve always been interested in playing chess, but I was unaware of anyone (in my circle) who played it (until recently).  Wanting to feed my curiosity on the game, I ask to play the winner (our homegirl).

My homegirl, knowing that I’m new to the game, gave me the rundown on it. She described how each piece has their own movements, attacks,  and the best way to make moves with the pieces. Finally, she ended with the most important detail of chess: planning ahead for the long game. In short, she taught me how chess is about making strategies in your head often; being aware of the risks and rewards that lie beyond.

During her explanation, I realized how chess is like planning my next moves (in terms of brand building, vlogging, blogging, etc.) and looking beyond the moment.   You don’t simply move without logic.  You must not only plan all the way to the end but adapt to changes as well.

Chess is a game of patience and long-term planning – similar to brand building.

__kyle_l_albright_and_lisa_eostre_walkure_romanze_drawn_by_komori_kei__sample-609fd99045fb6b8dc1638b9a3200fbc9

When building your brand, business, etc., you need to plan things out.  If you don’t, you will be overwhelmed with stress and problems.  Planning for the long game takes time, thoughts, energy, and effort.  You must craft a plan for each project – for each move.  There are no excuses.

Say my first move is to write a review on Kokkou.  My plan is to make time to watch 12, 23 minutes of the series (6 hours or so) once without taking notes.  My second move will be to watch it again while writing notes on character devolvement, scriptwriting, animation, etc. Following that, I’ll take out the details in my writing that aren’t important, logically, etc. Once those are tackled, I start writing the first three drafts of my review until I hit my final draft.  During this time, I make a schedule for this writing project with a deadline.  This way, my review for the anime comes out in time while it’s still fresh in the fans mind.

kokkoku-poster-banner.jpg

 

My long game plan on writing anime reviews or analysis also includes my regular 9-to-5 schedule/plans.  Let’s say I have to go in to work at 11.  The night before, I take about one hour (10PM-11PM) to add content to my review before I go to sleep for about 6 hours (11PM-5AM).  From 5AM-7AM, I just continue to write from where  I left off the night before. From 7AM-7:45AM, I prep and eat a protein heavy breakfast.  After that, I take a shower and once I’m done with that, it’s back to writing until I have to leave to work (I’m in my work clothes by then so there’s no delay or making myself late for work as I’m working on a project).

Repeat until success.

To conclude, you gotta plan for the long game with your projects.  It will help you out.  You need to set up your plan with logic, and not be ruled by your heart.  Attacking a project without a plan will destroy you.  It is foolish not to plan things you.

(Note: I have yet to watch Kokkou.  Do not wait for me for a review for it.)

 

Raw and Unedited 2

Closing My Eyes Until I’m 29 (Freewrite)

(WARNING: The following post contains my raw, unedited thoughts.  Therefore, you may encounter spelling and grammar errors.  Plus,  I don’t feel like editing a free foam writing post).

The past month or so has been chaotic for my creative pride.  With being active in writing, getting my side hustle off the ground, and planning out content for my YouTube channel, my ego has gone into overdrive.  I’ve grown arrogant, snapping on people who judge my passion on different Facebook group. When I see people judge my shit, my thoughts go ‘I don’t see you putting your works out for the public to see’  and ‘When was the last time you created something?’.  I’m finding myself upset that some people (who are my friends) won’t support me, but they support a stranger (in our niche).  I normally turn to a business and branding group I’m a member of for support, but despite their helpful posts, it doesn’t help for long.

In short, I’m feeling impatience about my journey (and a bit of jealousy towards others who’re doing better than me, sadly).

I turned to YouTube to see if I can find any branding influencer I follow for help.  I came across Gary Vaynerchuk’s channel in my subscription.  He has awesome materials for dealing with impatience, so I started to scroll through his channel until I saw a certain video:

(If you don’t have time to watch the video above, here are some quick notes:

1. Drown out the noise around you and just focus on you until you hit 29 (or 39, 49, etc.).
2. Impatience kills creativity.
3. Everyone who’s in their 20s with “success” hasn’t’ truly hit success in the grand scheme of things.)

I needed this.  I needed somebody to tell me that the feeling of impatience and wanting success badly are normal feelings.  Ever since I started to study about the moves I need to make, self-education, and working on me (for a better future), I have just been impatient and angry.  Impatient because I feel that I’m pouring my heart into my passion and not getting the results I want.  Angry because I wish I would have the materials and tools (that I’ve discovered at age 27-28) when I was still in high school.   If I had those tools back then, perhaps I would be in a better place right now.

Then again, there’s a saying: Better late than never.  Am I mad at myself that I started out late?  Yes.  Am I happy I started at 28?  Yes.  I’ve accepted the fact that I’m a late bloomer and everything lmfao. In any case, I need to close my eyes until I’m 29 (three weeks from now).  I figure if I limit my time on social media (only using it for networking and brand building), my mental state will improve.  I won’t be as impatient, and I stop comparing myself to others.  Drown out the noise as Gary Vee suggested in the video.

It won’t happen overnight (like success), but it’s a start.  So I’m closing my eyes until I’m 29.

 

AFTERWORD:

Sorry for the whinny ass post lmfao.  I just needed to get this off my chest do something productive with how I feeling rather than holding it in.  I promise I’ll post the weeaboo shit soon.

Art source:
https://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=8390979

Doki Doki Literature Club 0

My Favorite Things (Fan Poem)

*My Favorite Things*

Today I want to share a few of my favorite things.
I must warn you, I am enthusiastic about my loves.
An overt fanatic even.

What are my favorite things you may ask?

Well, I am infatuated with books.
The epic tales of brave, flamboyant heroes overcoming impossible odds.
Unexplainable horrors of the unknown violating your psyche.
Immense, multiple worlds anyone can journey through.
I don’t think about the tales I emerged myself in too much.
I just let the tales lead me.
Characters exhibiting their own unique personality
Mirroring the characters of our own world.
I love to sink into them naturally – exploring the world the author invited me to.

That’s why books are just a few of my favorite things.

Are you still curious about my loves? My favorite things?
Good.
I feel comfortable with me telling you about them.
Don’t worry; my loves aren’t too outlandish, hopefully.

What else do I love?
I adore tea.
Black. Green. Herbal.
An abundance of selections for your needs.
Need relaxation? Chamomile.
Want an energy boost? Eary Gray.
Tea for all occasions, for all needs.

That’s why I love tea.

May I tell you one more thing I love?
Oh, but if I do tell, it might drive you away
Scare you even.
But I can’t contain myself – I must tell you!

I love knives.

The alluring danger from their unforgiving sharp edge.
The beauty of the silver blade, irresistible.
I want to resist the urge of touching my skin with them.
But I can’t!
My heart’s beat assaults my chest, my slow breath deepens the blade kisses my skin.
Fresh cuts joining scars from kisses long since passed.
Blood dip, sliding along my skin.
I fill the silence of my room with a blissful, perverted sigh.

Oh! I’m sorry. Was that too much for you?
Perhaps one of my loves was too intense for you after all.
I hope you don’t find me strange or obsessive towards my loves.
I just wanted to share with you
Just a few of my favorite things with you…

yuri_knives.jpg

AFTERWORD:
Free form poetry isn’t hard. What’s hard is writing that shit for a character you only have a few things in common with.  Might do poems focused on Monika and Sayori next I dunno.

Also, i can’t believe I originally played DDLC to make fun of the fans and the game but it inspired me to get back into writing poems lmfao

Art source: