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25 Days of Blogging 0

25 Days of Blogging Day 8: The Power of Going Out Alone

Spring 2015:

While I was still playing the violin on a serious level, I applied for a violinist position with the Colossalcon’s Symphonic Anime Orchestra. I figured that playing with an orchestra (may it be a professional or community orchestra) would be great for a musical resume.  Sent their orchestra director a few videos of me playing the violin, details of my skill level, and why I wanted to play with them.

A few days later, I received an e-mail from the orchestra director that I landed a violinist position with their orchestra.  Go me.  I relay the news to my friends whom were interested in going to Colossalcon. Initially, they were all interested in going.  We heard how legendary Colossalcon’s nightlife and party scene was, how the convention center double as a water park, and the vibe of the nerds  who ran the con (at the time) and the con-goers were chiller than most conventions (most anime conventions and anime nerds have a stick up their ass about partying and alcohol; Colossalcon don’t give a shit).   We got together and started to plan the trip.

Then, bullshit started to happen.
But, the bullshit was a silver lining.

My friends told me that they were low on money, so they couldn’t have the funds to go.  Their jobs wouldn’t let them off. The dates of the convention clashed with events planned prior.  Whatever.  . Perhaps this was the universe telling me I can’t rely on my friends and others forever.  Maybe the universe was giving me a sign that I need to leave  my comfort zone and experience the world – alone.

Thinking quickly, I went to the Collosalcon room share group to see if anyone had space in their room.  Found a guy named Martin whom had space in a suite with his family and friends.  Room space obtained.  Following that, I brought round trip Greyhound tickets to Sandusky, Ohio. Sixteen hours of hell both ways, but it was an amazing experience traveling alone either way.  Got the days off from my dickhead ass former boss. Finally, I counted down the days before I had to depart for my trip.

The day came.  Me, by myself, going alone to Sandusky.  Trust me: it was scary going alone. But, it was worth it at the end.  Up until then, I relied on my friends to travel with me outside of the St. Louis area.  I was too dependent on them.  However, I wouldn’t grow as a person until I learned how to travel and make moves as a solo act.

And you know what? It was the smartest move I made in and with my life.

Going to Colossalcon alone meant that I didn’t have to worry about somebody who lost their room key, therefore, making me drop whatever I was doing at the con and get them a new key.  I didn’t have to fear that my more awkward friends couldn’t control their awkwardness for longer than 15 seconds (I know it’s an anime con but being at your precious little weeaboo festival doesn’t mean that you should throw your social skills out of the window).   Didn’t have to stop a hot headed friend from fighting people because somebody hurt his pride.  I could do whatever whatever I pleased.

It was a peaceful con experience outside the drunk ass nerds wandering around the con.

***

There’s power in going out alone.  It shows that you don’t rely on others to have a good time.  You are more than willing to make moves without approval or dependence of others.  People don’t hold you back. Moving freely around to bars, clubs, etc. gets easier.  You can come and go at your own time. Making new friends and connections is much easier. Yes, you do need at times to hang out with others.  Isolating yourself from others is dangerous.  You shouldn’t cut people out of your lives – especially your (good, true) friends.  There’s nothing honorable about being a loner.  Nobody will praise you for being alone. They might be inspired by you to going out alone one day, but don’t expect praise.

However, you can’t depend on others to have a good time.

Question: Have you ever gone to a club, bar, event, or social outing and you had to leave it early due to the stupidity of one friend?  I have.

One time in particular, I had to leave a bar an hour after being it.  A friend of mines had a little bit too much to drink prior to hitting the club with our crew.  I do not know what happened, but apparently, somebody checked him and put him in his place (he might have been hitting on somebody else’s girl knowing him). He got in his feelings and tried to fight a few people – only to get his ass beat and thrown out of the club.  If you’re riding solo, you don’t have to worry about a friend like that.

Going solo also means that you don’t have to deal with certain friends who have bad social anxiety disorder (translation: being a bitch disorder) flaring up because they’re too many people around in a place.  A few years ago, a friend and I went to a huge concert in the downtown area of my town.  Wanting to break away from him and do my own thing (meaning walk around, talk to people, and hit  a makeshift bar up), I separated myself from him.  If he needed me, I he could text me on my phone.  As I’m walking away from the large dance pit, I saw this dude following me – everywhere – like a lost dog.  I asked him why was he was following me abd he was like “Well, I can’t do large crowds. My anxiety gets bad when I’m alone with too many people.”

Want to learn how to overcome your social issues? Get out and be more social – alone.  I am not saying it’s easy. It fact, it’s never easy the first time. But, you gotta over it.  You can’t always roam around the world, let alone your hometown with friends forever.  Your friends have jobs, families, careers, and other things to worry about over you trying to convince them to hang out (I’m talking to you bitch made cowardly males and females who make passive aggressive statuses on Facebook over this topic). Do you know what will happen if you don’t get out into the world alone? You will grow up and bitter with others. You will be like the millions of the elderly in nursing home filled with regret and remorse for the actions they didn’t take in life; hating on others until the day you leave this earth.

Get out there. Explore the world – alone.

-Yuki The Snowman.

P.S.
Sorry for the super late post, a lack of a featured image, and grammatical errors. I overslept this morning due to going out last night by myself at a local bar.  I should have had taken a picture of me going out alone as the feature image.  lol whoops. Didn’t want to break this daily blogging streak.

FURTHER RESEARCH ON GOING OUT ALONE:

Real Talk 0

Be Careful: There Might Be a Monika in Your Circle

They smilin’ in your face
All the time, they wanna take your place
The Backstabbers

The Backstabbers by The O’Jays (1972 soul song)

Monika of Doki Doki Literature Club is one fake ass bitch.  First off, she tricked everyone with her smile, charming personality, and warm appearance.  She made you think that she’s friendly and cool. Yet, she winds up murdering her friends and kidnapping the main character (MC) out of jealousy.  Rather than celebrating her friends for getting with the MC, she manipulated their personalities and had them killed.  Kinda like how the fake people in our lives act. They see you winning or making moves and rather than to clap for your victories, they be on some passive aggressive shit. They love to talk ill of your achievements. They love to plot against you over what you have (because you have what they don’t).   They run their mouths to others about your flaws and spread rumors to discredit you.  Seems bad, right?

Nope. It gets worse.

Some fake friends you dead!  They wanna see you die! They might even kill you themselves! You don’t even know it.  Just like how Sayori, Natsuki, and Yuri were unaware that their “friend” Monika was planning to kill them, you just might have a friend in your circle who wants you dead.  They want to kill you because they can’t stand the fact you have more than them.  They can’t stand it that you – somebody who wasn’t supposed to be something  –  became something.

How do you know if you might have a Monika in your circle?  Let’s find out.

__monika_natsuki_sayori_and_yuri_doki_doki_literature_club_drawn_by_glamist__sample-722cc11fa9e79f2d43748ce718b8d0b4.jpg
Source: https://glamist.deviantart.com/art/Lonely-songbird-DDLC-728241599

In order to detect the Monika, we gotta break down what is and what makes a Monika. In short, a Monika is that friend who’s super jealous, insecure, and angry at everyone winning.  They see everyone gaining success and that makes them bitter. Because of that, they come up with schemes to bring you down.  You ever did something that’s worthy of praise and everyone clapped and celebrate for you it but one of your friends didn’t?  Or they say some slick shit about it without any advice to improve and better yourself?

That’s your Monika.

Monika didn’t celebrate any of her friends for getting close to MC.  In fact, what makes her pathetic is that Monika had the nerve to talk shit about her friends behind their back.  When the MC catches Yuri cutting herself, Monika takes him back to the classroom and the two have a little talk.  Monika mentions that Yuri self-harms as an outlet to express her emotions – in addition to possible sexual reasons. Then,  she wanna ask you if that kinda messed up.

Nah, what’s mess up is that this bitch knows her homegirl cuts herself and ran her mouth about her friend’s private mental health issues to another friend. A  real friend would have been like “Let’s help our homegirl out. Let’s have her talk to a therapist so she can get the help she needs. We need to be there for her and love her regardless of what’s going on in her life.”  A real friend would have confronted their friend about their self-harm habits  – not spread that information to others.

 

 

 

See, you gotta be careful about telling your flaws and issues to some friends.  You may think they care about your issues, but in reality, they don’t.  And they will spread that information to others just to make you look and feel bad. Reflect on a time when you told a “friend” about a situation that was personal and private. You thought you did right in telling that friend such information but they turned around and told others.  And you only found out after a 3rd party informed you of such details (who wasn’t supposed to have that information).

That’s that Monika shit.

This brings me to my final point.  The fake friend – the Monika – will overexaggerate your flaws around others to make you seem like a horrible person.  In DDLC, Monika admitted that she manipulated her friends’ negative traits to extreme levels in hopes that she could trick the MC to fall in love with her instead. Sayori was battling life-long depression.  Rather than helping her homegirl out, Monika drove Sayori to suicide.  Yuri may have been a little passionate about the things she loves. Monika decided to turn Yuri’s passionate personality into that of an aggressive, obsessive love-struck girl. Monika made Natsuki low-ley said some shit about a possible abusive homelife and use it against Natsuki. All of this, just to make her friends looks bad in the MC’s eyes.

 

 

 

In the real world, fake friends will make your negative flaws and traits seem worse than what they already are. If they want to make a villain or somebody that nobody should associate with, they will do it.  Fake people love to use your flaws in order to get ahead in life or reach their goals.  A real friend will say something about your flaws and help you improve on them.  A fake friend stays quiet about your flaws in order to screw you over.

The Monika in your circle will use your flaws against you.

While Monika is a fictional character in a fake world, the dangers of fake, backstabbing friends are real.  They let their insecure nature get to their head: driving them to do horrible things to their “friends”.   They do not praise the success of their friends. Rather, they talk ill about such things. They see your flaws and errors as a chance to bring you down.  They don’t care about improving their own flaws or helping you with yours.  They just want to be on top by any selfish means.

If you have a Monika in your circle cut them off now.

Fake friends: When they done talking to you, they start talking about you.

-Nino Brown (from his audiobook Mackin’ and Stackin’ Vol. 2)

FURTHER TOOL ON DEALING WITH FAKE FRIENDS: