“Do you know what the most convenient phrase in the world is? It’s “I’m sorry.”
-Shadow Maya, Persona 2: Innocent Sin
A baby-boomer father and his millennial aged son are walking down a busy street in Harlem. The father, John Shaft II is giving advice to his son, John Shaft Jr. (or J.J.), about being brave towards and around women, having a powerful manly spirit, and never being and saying sorry towards women.
J.J., perhaps due to his upbringing by his single mother and cultural influence of being a Milliennial, whole heartedly disagrees with his father’s teachings. He believes that women don’t like being told what to do. Shaft II counters his son arguments; stating that men used to be men in his day; while the men of the millennial generation worried too much about what women think and feel. To Shaft II, the millennial men are embarrassing themselves, and that men always own up to who they are.
However, J.J. believes that real men should take reasonability for their wrongdoings.
He is both wrong and right.
(Note: If you don’t know already, the scene described above was from the 2019 movie Shaft 2019. I was going to upload a video of said scene, but WordPress won’t let me.)
In most situations (keyword for you idiots who tend to get emotional over this topic matter: MOST), you should never apologize for your actions and who you are as a person. Example: There are people who aren’t confident with whom they are. They will be comfortable with their selves. So, when encountering others who have accepted themselves – flaws and imperfections included – they are fuming with jealous and envy. “Who the fuck does that asshole think he is?” they might say to themselves. Or, they might say “That bitch think she’s hot shit when she’s really not!” out of spite and anger. They’ll say some passive aggressive statement towards their target of hatred in order to make them conform and/or to knock them down a peg.
If you find yourself in a situation with such a person, you must do two things:
- Stand strong, be yourself and check them on the spot.
- Run far away from them. They will do nothing but poison your mind and bring you down to their bitterness.
You must never say sorry to them.
Constantly saying sorry when not needed can be a sign of weakness or worse – manipulation – may the latter be done consciously or unconsciously. If you’re constantly analogizing to everyone over the slightest little error or mishap, people will not take you seriously. They will get annoyed with you quick. Saying sorry every three sentence during a casual lighthearted conversation will turn people off towards you. It shows that you’re way emotional.
Now, I understand that some people who grew up in an abusive household with narcissistic parent(s) or older sibling. Others were in an abusive relationship with a controlling, manipulative partner; so saying sorry to others is common. You’re dreadful of offending others due to ill experiences with toxic people. Therefore, I understand why you might say sorry constantly. To that, I say this in the most living way possible: please seek professional help and don’t beat yourself up.
Using abuse as a segue lead for the topic; saying sorry can be used as a tool of manipulation. Let’s say an abusive male hits his girlfriend after a heated argument over his flirty, cheating nature. He might say “I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me.”, knowing full well his anger of him being caught up in his web of lies got the best of him. Because the abusive man knows his girlfriend is emotionally dependent, he lies and says it won’t happen again to keep her – until it happens again and the cycle repeats.
You’re not sorry.
You’re full of shit.
You may be wondering when should you say sorry. Well, there are a few situations when you should say sorry, mean it, and be cautious to not repeat the offense again. If you offend a person through your actions (actual offense: not this politically correct nonsense these social justice warrior liberals believe is offensive) and you know you were in the wrong, the yes: say sorry. If you loudly barge into a quiet, peaceful room (on accident) and disturb the peace of the room, then say sorry and never do it again next time. If you bring somebody into a situation they didn’t want to be in, take them out of it and say sorry.
Other than that, never be sorry. Never say sorry.
Until next time
-Yuki The Snowman