shaft – Yuki The Snowman

25 Days Of Blogging Day 11: Don’t Be Sorry

“Do you know what the most convenient phrase in the world is? It’s “I’m sorry.”
-Shadow Maya, Persona 2: Innocent Sin

A baby-boomer father and his millennial aged son are walking down a busy street in Harlem. The father, John Shaft II is giving advice to his son, John Shaft Jr. (or J.J.), about being brave towards and around women, having a powerful manly spirit, and never being and saying sorry towards women.

J.J., perhaps due to his upbringing by his single mother and cultural influence of being a Milliennial, whole heartedly disagrees with his father’s teachings. He believes that women don’t like being told what to do. Shaft II counters his son arguments; stating that men used to be men in his day; while the men of the millennial generation worried too much about what women think and feel. To Shaft II, the millennial men are embarrassing themselves, and that men always own up to who they are.

However, J.J. believes that real men should take reasonability for their wrongdoings.
He is both wrong and right.

(Note: If you don’t know already, the scene described above was from the 2019 movie Shaft 2019. I was going to upload a video of said scene, but WordPress won’t let me.)

In most situations (keyword for you idiots who tend to get emotional over this topic matter: MOST), you should never apologize for your actions and who you are as a person. Example: There are people who aren’t confident with whom they are. They will be comfortable with their selves. So, when encountering others who have accepted themselves – flaws and imperfections included – they are fuming with jealous and envy. “Who the fuck does that asshole think he is?” they might say to themselves. Or, they might say “That bitch think she’s hot shit when she’s really not!” out of spite and anger. They’ll say some passive aggressive statement towards their target of hatred in order to make them conform and/or to knock them down a peg.

If you find yourself in a situation with such a person, you must do two things:

Stand strong, be yourself and check them on the spot.
Run far away from them. They will do nothing but poison your mind and bring you down to their bitterness.

You must never say sorry to them.

Constantly saying sorry when not needed can be a sign of weakness or worse – manipulation – may the latter be done consciously or unconsciously. If you’re constantly analogizing to everyone over the slightest little error or mishap, people will not take you seriously. They will get annoyed with you quick. Saying sorry every three sentence during a casual lighthearted conversation will turn people off towards you. It shows that you’re way emotional.

Now, I understand that some people who grew up in an abusive household with narcissistic parent(s) or older sibling. Others were in an abusive relationship with a controlling, manipulative partner; so saying sorry to others is common. You’re dreadful of offending others due to ill experiences with toxic people. Therefore, I understand why you might say sorry constantly. To that, I say this in the most living way possible: please seek professional help and don’t beat yourself up.

Using abuse as a segue lead for the topic; saying sorry can be used as a tool of manipulation. Let’s say an abusive male hits his girlfriend after a heated argument over his flirty, cheating nature. He might say “I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me.”, knowing full well his anger of him being caught up in his web of lies got the best of him. Because the abusive man knows his girlfriend is emotionally dependent, he lies and says it won’t happen again to keep her – until it happens again and the cycle repeats.

You’re not sorry.
You’re full of shit.

You may be wondering when should you say sorry. Well, there are a few situations when you should say sorry, mean it, and be cautious to not repeat the offense again. If you offend a person through your actions (actual offense: not this politically correct nonsense these social justice warrior liberals believe is offensive) and you know you were in the wrong, the yes: say sorry. If you loudly barge into a quiet, peaceful room (on accident) and disturb the peace of the room, then say sorry and never do it again next time. If you bring somebody into a situation they didn’t want to be in, take them out of it and say sorry.

Other than that, never be sorry. Never say sorry.

Until next time

-Yuki The Snowman

By Yuki The Snowman Posted on December 11, 2019

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Hitagi Senjougahara: Trauma, Trust Issues, and Defense Mechanisms (Truth in Fiction)

TRIGGER WARNING: Rape, molestation, and child abuse mentioned. If you’re bothered by these things, please please please, for the sake of your mental health, do not read on. Thank you.

A traumatic incident can screw up one’s mind. It creates defense mechanisms, anxiety, and trust issues. Hitagi Senjougahara, main heroine of the anime and light novel series “Monogatari”, experienced such things. To repay a debt owed to a cult, Hitagai’s mother set her up to be molested and rape by a high ranking cultist. Hitagi resisted, hitting the cultist with a spiked shoe. Afterwards, her dad filed for divorce, and Hitagi haven’t spoke to her mom since.

Overtime, Hitagi grew distance, hostile, and untrusting of others.

‘And now you’re kinda cold to the people you met
Cause of something that was done to you by some creep.’
–Whodini: Friends (1984 hip-hop single).

Throughout the “Hitagi Crab” arc , we learn of the condition and causality of Hitagi’s literal weightlessness, as well as her hostile nature. After Araragi (series’s main hero) saves her from an otherwise fatal fall, he discovers that she’s weightless. In fear that he might run his mouth about her state, Hitagi attacks him. She shoves a mini stapler inside his mouth, stapling his check.

After removing the lodged staple from his check, Araragi reveals his healing factor. Hitagi was shock that there was somebody like her (in terms of weirdness). Araragi offers to help her regain her weight, taken by a god crab spirit.

As Araragi and Hitagi bike to Oshino’s (friend of and occult advisor to Araragi) residence, the two engaged in an interesting conversation. Hitagi refers herself as a tsundere (otaku slang for a character who’s hostile and cold initially, but grows softer and warm towards close ones overtime). This fits her well. Hitagi is cold, distanced, and hostile due to her mental trauma and physical condition. With Araragi’s reveling his powers, understanding her situation, and knowing someone who could help her, Hitagi gradually warms up.

There are two points I want to explore here:

Prior to meeting Oshino, Araragi asks Hitagi if he could hold on to her school supplies (which double as her weaponry). She responds “You set me up, right?”, pauses, and surrender her goods. At the second point, upom meeting Oshino, Hitagi asks if he could save her. Oshino responds with that only she could save herself. Hitagi snaps on him, stating that five people prior told her the same thing, only to try to scam her. She then asks Oshino if he was a scammer himself, which he only laughs off her (somewhat baseless) fears.

This made me wonder: are her worries defense mechanisms? If so, you can’t blame her. Victims of traumatic experiences tend to be more defensive and aggressive towards others. Traumatic experiences can changed one’s point of view, as Oshino pointed out to Hitagi about hers.

‘If I trust a person so easily, I don’t know how many times I would’ve been tricked.”
-Hitagi Senjouhara

Fasting forward to episode 2’s ritual scene, Oshino asks Hitagi a series of questions. The first few are basic: school life, date of birth, and favorite author. All to each she answered unhesitating. When asked about her most painful memory of her life however, Hitagi freezes up, taking a sharp breath. Regaining herself, Hitagi painfully recalls the attempted sexual assault. She brings up that her mother was punished because she fought back against the cultist.

Her parents divorced soon after. Hitagi felt guilt for her resistance, blaming herself for breaking the family apart (of course, it wasn’t her fault). She felt anger towards her mom; she did not save her. Oshino tells her that these were her feelings, feelings that she can’t transfer to others.

Feelings that she must carry the burden on her shoulders.

In their conversation, Oshino uses the word “omoi”, which can either mean “Feelings” or Weight” (depending on the kanji). What I like about the word usage is the symbolism of the meaning. The feelings caused by horrific, traumatic experiences are a heavy weight to carry. You go through life blaming yourself when you should not, closing yourself off from others and being on edge; unsure if people will hurt you physically, or emotionally.

A weight that you can never get rid of; just only overcome it with proper help and support.

At the end of the ritual, Hitagi confronts the crab god whom stripped her weight. Hitagi freaks out. Her breathing is heavy, eyes widen. Her body is frozen in fear , muscles tensed. Hitagi asks if anyone else can see the crab, which the others reply with that they cannot.

Hitagi shuts down right as the crab attacks. Oshino rescues Hitagi and destroy the spirit. He explains the crab is the result of her mental state. Finally, after thanking him, she breaks down and starts to cry uncontrollably.

Hitagi’s freezing, fears, tense body language, breathing heavily, avoidance of the crab, and crying made me think: was she having a PTSD flashback of the attempted rape? Yeah I mean, the crab is a supernatural force for storytellin, but her response to not confront it, in addition to her being asked about her most painful life experience, can be debated in favor of this theory.

When triggered, victims of traumatic events experienced symptoms such as heavy breathing, feelings of tightness, emotional break downs, and avoidance of anything that reminds them of the incident to name a few examples.

After Hitagi regain her composure, Oshino tells her that despite how much she longs for her family to return, and her desires to remove the pain, those things will never happen. She must learn how to overcome it and grow stronger. At the end, she gained a new friend (and eventually boyfriend) in Araragi and gain her “weight” back as well.

‘Ohhh…tired of the strain and the pain’
‘There’s so much pain…’
-2pac: Pain (1994 rap single)

Special thanks and shout out to my homeboy Mr. Y giving me advice and tips and checking if my info on mental health was correct. Check out his blog here:

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