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I Wish I Knew How to Draw (Freewrite)

Monika’s desires in Doki Doki Literature Club are clearly rooted in jealousy.  She is merely a (self-aware) spectator who watches her (scripted) friends fall in love and live a normal school life.  Meanwhile, she cannot do anything, as she knows her role as a program.  Despite such a situation, she falls in love with the main character (more so the player) but knows she could never get with them.  Therefore, she plots against her friends – murdering them one by one – in order to trap the hero and force them to love her.

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As I play DDLC and see Monika’s growth as a jealous villain, I’m reminded of another character that was driven by jealousy and love: Kain of Final Fantasy 4.  Like Monika, Kain grew jealous of his friend (Cecil) over the fact that Cecil was in a relationship with the heroine, Rosa. Kain was in (unrequited) love with her.  Kain grew hatred towards Cecil; plotting to kill him to get with Rosa. Kain failed, however (as his emotions were manipulative by the game’s villain).

 

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Kain Simpwind

 

“Monika is like Kain.  Fuck I wish I knew how to draw.”  I told myself as I reached Monika’s villain reveal in DDLC.  As she explains her reasoning behind her action, I started to imagine if I had visual artistic talents how I would draw Monika as Kain.  Have her in Kain’s Draagoon armor and her holding a lance (with the tip coated in green to symbolize her jealous nature).

Monika Highwind.  I think that could work.

For years, I had this wish that I could draw.  I used to be envious of my friends who could draw.  Our friends would surround the artist of the group as they reveal their last work. I played the violin, but you couldn’t just whip out a violin in the middle of class and play it.  So I wasn’t able to showcase my talents.  I tried my hand at drawing and even asking my artistic “friend” for help.  He just laughed and told me I’d never become a great artist.  Sadly,I took that to heart and quit drawing ever since (gotta love toxic friends).

As the years gone by, I regretted not sticking with improving my visual art skills.  Yea, I would have suck back in 2004, but in 2018? Perhaps I could done something fantastic with my skills.  Right now, I’m kicking myself for listening to said “friend”.  For those who don’t know, I’m working on re-hacking a Fire Emblem 4 romhack that uses Touhou characters.

As I’m testing the hack, I’m having visions of the action in-game.  I want to draw these visions.  Visions of Reimu and Sigurd having a friendly chat.  Marisa crying as Alice is struck down dead.  Kaguya and Mokou attempting to kill each other with their respective Holy Weapons.  Plus, it’ll make for great promotion for the romhack.

If there is something you’ve been wishing you could be doing, don’t delay.  Get on that shit today.  Don’t let others discourage you from taking action.  If you ask your talented friend for advice and they just belittle you, end that friendship right then and there.  They mean you no good and they do not wish for your success at all.

Just things I wish I would have known when I was younger.

 

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Higurashi no Naku Koro ni – Raw Thoughts Pt. 3

August 10th, 2017 marked the 15th anniversary of the hit visual novel series “Higurashi no Naku Koro ni”.  Higurashi no Naku Koro ni was adapted into  a successful animated series by Studio Deen in 2006 – setting the standard for horror anime which many series have tried and failed to emulate since.  In reflection and celebration of the series 15th anniversary, I will be providing my raw, unedited thoughts of the anime throughout the month of August.  I hope you’ll enjoy! 

Ya know, I don’t blame Shion for wanting to kill Teppei for abusing Satoko. Satoko is like a little sister to her and loves her as so.  Their bond is so strong that Satoko calls Shion her “Nee-Nee”(lit. “big sister”) during the events of the answer arc of Kai.  Knowing how much hardship Satoko has gone through in her young life, Shion is willing to protect Satoko by any means necessary.

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Shion’s a little tad crazy when it comes to people she loves and cares about.  Remember: this is the very same Shion that kinda sorta stabbed Satoko (who was pretending to be Jesus nailed to the cross) a few times on accident (no big deal the knife slipped), beat her grandma to death, and threw her sister into a pit leaving her to die –  all because she wanted Satoshi’s dick.

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The Passion of the Christ (2004)

When Shion (and the rest of the Club) discovered that Teppei was abusing Satoko, she lost it.  While the Club was thinking saving their friend without violence and dealing with legal issues, Shion was like “Nah fuck that! Let’s kill this man right now!” Keiichi objects Shion’s plan to go full out violent against Teppei, trying to convince the insane nutcase twin to not do anything she would regret.  Shion was like “Nah”, grabbed a chair and smash it over Keiichi’s head – threatening to kill him if it meant getting to kill Teppei and saving Satoko.

She was going to honor Satoshi’s wish of watching over Satoko.

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Even as a protagonist, Shion is still about that killer life.

I can understand Shion’s feelings of wanting to kill Teppei to in order to save Satoko.  I can’t describe it, but there’s a feeling of pure rage when you you hear that somebody you care for has been hurt and abused by someone  – especially if it’s a child. Your emotions clouds the logical accepts of your mind. Therefore, you do not think with rational but rather, with vengeance and rage.  You hate to see them hurt and you want them out of that abusive situation by any means.

Even if it means  through violence.

 

Am I saying to go out and kill abusive people?  Well, no (although there have be cases where people have kill abusive people before).  Now if it’s a life-or-death situation where the outcome may end with a victim dying, and the odds for a peaceful resolution are at their lowest, then I’m all for people killing abusive assholes.  I’m not an expert on the legalese or ethics of killing abusive people in a heated situation, so take what I just said with a grain of salt.

Ultimately, to end this quick little raw thought, I can see where Shion was coming from with her wanting to kill Teppei in order to save Satoko.  No child should go through abuse and suffering.  Those who harm others need to be dealt with,  may it be legally or taking matters by your own hands.

 

AFTERWORD:
Just got my hands on some Higurashi episodes.  Rewatching a few episodes in preparation for a new analytical article!  Stay tune!

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Higurashi no Naku Koro ni – Raw Thoughts Pt 2.

August 10th, 2017 marked the 15th anniversary of the hit visual novel series “Higurashi no Naku Koro ni”.  Higurashi no Naku Koro ni was adapted into  a successful animated series by Studio Deen in 2006 – setting the standard for horror anime which many series have tried and failed to emulate since.  In reflection and celebration of the series 15th anniversary, I will be providing my raw, unedited thoughts of the anime throughout the month of August.  I hope you’ll enjoy! 

WARNING:
Before I start I want to make it clear that this raw freewrite touch upon sensitive subjects such as child abuse and molestation.  There are also manga/comics scans below with gore and abuse. If you’re not comfortable with those things then please,  turn back now.  Check out some other contents on my website instead!

If you’re still here then that means you’re okay with reading about such topics and seeing the scans below.

During my first run through of the Higurashi  anime and manga back in 2009 I realized this: Higurashi was (and still is) that real shit.  I mean yea, it has that moe bullshit and slice of life elements to it,  but when you analyze and dissect how the series play with those elements,  it works well for the themes of Higurashi and it characters.  Themes such as child abuse, mental health, and (childhood) trauma.

Let’s take say Satoko for example.  Satoko is the typical (annoying) moe little sister type character in anime, right?  She’s a bit of a brat, a prankster, and an overall energetic child who seems happy to everyone who knows her.

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Satoko and her smugness.

Yet, she has an incredibly fucked up life; resulted from a series of tragic events that no child should experience.

 

Deranged (from the Hinamizawa Syndrome), she pushed her parents to their deaths from an observation deck.  She was abused (both physically and possibly sexually as it was hinted in the Nintendo DS remakes of the VNs) by her uncle Teppei who downright hates her.  Her family were the subject of hatred from the villagers of Hinamizawa (due to her late parents supporting the government’s attempts of flooding the village).  Her beloved brother, Satoshi, disappeared, leaving her without any supporting and loving family members.

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Fuck Teppei. 

The horrific events of her life would eventually take its toll on her mental health. Overtime, Satoko withdrew herself from her friends and club activities – believing she’s a burden on everyone.  In one incident, Satoko had a meltdown during class.  Keiichi’s seemly innocent gesture of  patting Satoko on her the head to cheer her up triggered a flashback of Satoshi doing the same.  Satoko violently shoved Keiichi across the classroom, blanks out, and starts to vomit.  After that, she tells everyone “I’m sorry” repeatedly while crying.

Nobody (sans her best friend Rika I’m assuming) knew she was struggling mentality (as far as I know).  Everyone thought she was doing (somewhat) okay with her cheerful, playful attitude that  she showing  everyone in school.   No one forreal knew she was suffering hardcore, she was  stressed out, that her happiness was just a mask for her pain.

‘Now if there’s a smile on my face
It’s only there trying to fool the public’
‘Now if I appear to be carefree
It’s only to camouflage my sadness

-“Tears of a Clown” by Smokey Robbison

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Since I’m on the topic of playful blonde characters who’re lowkey insane, Miyo Takano is another Higurashi character who appears they’re okay but deep down, she just as fucked up in the head like Satoko if not worse.   Like Satoko, Miyo lost her parents at a young age (from a train accident, and she witnessed her father bloodied and dying in the ER), leaving her orphaned.  She was adopted  by a government sponsored orphanage where she experienced extreme abuse from the so called “care-givers.

She was constantly beaten, saw children her age die from abused, forced to watch her friend’s remains consumed by chicken, and was forced to clean the bottom of an outhouse with her mouth.

The physical and psychological abuse she suffered would be one of two causes of her insanity which in turn would lead to one of the biggest tragic events later on in the series.

The second cause came after she was rescued from the orphanage by her dad’s mentor,  Hifumi.  Hifumi wanted to become God-like through his research of the Hinamizawa Syndrome.  One day, Hifumi presented his research, findings theories to fellow doctors and researchers – whom all mocked his work.  Miyo watched as  Hifumi’s peers mocking him, pissing her off. She believed in her beloved “grandfather” findings, watch him pour his soul into countless, sleepless hours of hard work, and not only encouraged him to continue despite the criticism, but she pushed herself to study as well.

After Hifumi passed away, Miyo continue where her grandfather left off.  in hopes of not only proving his theories correct, but also to prove themselves as gods.

Miyo’s God complex, in combination of her insanity from being abused as a child,  led to Great Hinamizawa Disaster – the massacre of 2,000 plus innocent people.  Miyo led a military force in slaughtering the Hinimizawa villagers, with six of the villagers were people she executed herself.  Six people she personally knew and befriended.

All of this, just because she wanted people to respect her and her grandfather.  Just because she wanted to become a God.

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‘I can tell you why people go insane’
-“Shadow of the Sun” by Chris Cornell and Audioslave

AFTERWORD:
The Umineko 10th Anniversary is coming soon.  May tie in Pt. 3 of my raw thoughts on Higurashi with that series.   Also I lied this wasn’t completely raw and unedited I had to change some things about Miyo given it wasn’t consistent with what I saw in the anime and manga.

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“Winning or Losing Doesn’t Benefit Anyone” – Dragon Ball Super 103 Raw Thoughts

After defeating Obuni of Universe 10 (as well as being the direct cause of that universe’s erasure/death) Gohan examines a pedant on the arena floor left behind by him.  Inside, there’s a picture of Obuni, his wife, and infant child. The shot switches back  to Gohan – his facial expression and silence tells the tone and emotion of his actions. Gohan not only just kill a family man like himself, but an entire universe.  An universe full of innocent people caught in the “crossfire” of this tournament.

This sets in hard for Gohan (and the audience) once the pedant itself is erased from existence.

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Gohan isn’t someone with a malice heart,  nor is he a person who enjoys harming others for pleasure.  He is a very emphatic man who deeply cares about the well-being of others.  We can assume that he did not want to defeat Obuni and wipe out/kill his universe; but Gohan had to do whatever it took to ensure the survival of his own family, friends, and universe. Even still – no matter how you want to twist it – Gohan is responsible for the loss of countless lives with his action.

Meanwhile, as Gohan is reflecting on his actions, Universe 10’s angel Cus is visibly upset at the destruction of her universe and warriors. I’d even go as far to say that she might have been on the verge of crying.  It’s clear that Cus treated Gowasu and Rumsshi with respect and kindness; given her positive interactions with them.  Cus enjoyed the presence of her warriors as we saw her cheerfully  dancing with them for a Gowasu’s GodTube’s channel and taking pictures with each warrior.

To her, those warriors and Gods weren’t just pawns she was using in order to win.   Those were people whom she viewed as friends.  People she cared for.

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This brings me to the title of this post.  “Winning or Losing Doesn’t Benefit Anyone” is taken from a line from the full version of Dragon Ball ED 7 “An Evil Angel and Rightous Devil”.   The verse from the line itself reads as follow:

‘Angels and devils: even if the devils were really angels,
Righteousness and evil would still hold no meaning.
Winning or losing doesn’t benefit anyone –
Everyone is simply hurt, crying in the end.’

The Tournament of Power was created in order to balance out good and evil in the multiverse.  The eight universe in combat each have horrible mortal ratings (some worse than others) and thus, in order to ensure this  balance, the losing universes must be wiped out.

However…

As the lyrics state, what benefit does winning or losing bring to others? What benefits are gained for the sake of of the greater good if innocent lives are lost in the process – Lives whom which weren’t fighting in this tournament? Lives treated as expendable.

We saw this with Cus, who I believe was about to cry as she witnessed her friends’ existence being erased.  We saw this with  Gohan reflecting on him (unwilling) killing Universe 10.  Hell, Universe 10 was Gowasu’s universe.  Gowasu was Goku, Vegeta, and Trunks’s ally during the Zamasu incident.  While Goku is an idiot with selfish desires, he does care about his friends.  Imagine how Goku will feel about Gowasu’s existence being wiped out.

In fact, let’s take any positive outcome out and create a dark, depressing ending.

Let’s say the Super Plot Balls aren’t  able to bring back all the universes that were erased, or that the Zenos won’t bring them back for their own selfish reasons.  Then what?  How Goku going to feel about people he respect from different universes (such as Hit and Caulifia) not being revived – all because he wanted a fight.

The more emphatic victors of the tournament are going to feel like utter shit for causing the loss of countless innocent lives.  The angels who have a wonderful (or at the very least good) relationship with their Gods and warriors   gonna be sadden.  I wouldn’t be shock if Cus or any other angel with a good heart will revolt against their father (the Grand Priest) and the Zenos.

Yea, all the universes with the low moral rating and evilness are gone.  But if people are going to question if their actions and you got Angels who’re upset that their universes are gone, then what benefit does that bring to anyone?

‘You know who suffers then? The people.’
-Levin (Fire Emblem 4: Genealogy of the Holy War)

RESOURCES:

An Evil Angel and Righteous Devil Lyrics:
http://www.lyrical-nonsense.com/lyrics/the-collectors/aku-no-tenshi-to-seigi-no-akuma/

Full music video of An Evil Angel and Righteous Devil.

My analysis on the TV version of Dragon Ball Super ED 7:
https://yukithesnowman.com/2017/02/17/an-evil-angel-and-righteous-devil-dragon-ball-super-ed-7-lyrics-theory-analysis/