I can not believe I fell for that Attack on Titan bullshit hype.
It was the Spring 2013 anime season. I havent’ watched a new anime series in years and I was wanting to get back into anime, so I could stay current with the new anime trends. I wanted to fit in with the popular weeaboos (a paradox yes) and get on whatever they were on. Attack on Titan was poppin’ up on everyone radars Everywhere on social media, otakus were talking about this new series. AOT made the weeb block hot like the cops during the last day of the month for those quotas. .It was clear that Attack on Titan was the number one contender of “Anime of the Year” in 2013. I wanted to be a part of the new trend.
The premise was interesting: Humanity is being annihilated by enormous human-like titans of enigmatic origins. It’s up to the last reminding humans to fight back against the threat.
One day, my homeboy “Alan” invited me to his place to smoke blunts and watch Attack on Titan. Two birds one stone. Two weebs getting stoned. Perfect. Alan pulled up AOT on Crunchyroll while I was grinding up our trees and packin them into his bowl (I didn’t know how to roll blunts back in 2013). We both took turns taking hits from the bowl, getting ourselves nice and right for the new series.
The episode starts. Mikasa and Eren are running around playing in the walled city Maria having fun doing whatever kids in a fucked up future do. Suddenly, titans appeared – wreaking havoc. There’s chaos and panic everywhere. These massive monsters are eating people, poppin’ them in their mouths like ravers poppin’ pills on the dance floor. Eren and Misaka rush home to safety, only to watch helplessly as his mom is snatched up by a stoned looking smilin’ titan like an unattended white kid left alone in a park.
The kids can only watch helplessly as the titan shoves Carla into its mouth and consume her alive. Or dead. I don’t remember.
Alan and I watched in awe as we witnessed a new era of “great” anime. We were blown away by the animation, the suspense, and drama. We declared Attack on Titan the best anime of 2013, and it only has been about ten minutes into the first episode. We were hooked like suckers. I packed another bowl, took a hit, and pass it to Alan as we enter episode 2. I think we watched about 3-5 more episodes until we were too stoned to watch the show and decided we would pick back up on it the following day.
The next day came. We got some Fruity Pebbles kush off our boy and decided to blow some trees and marathon Attack on Titan before we had to rest up and travel to Chicago for Anime Central the next morning. We resumed from episode 7 and here are things I started to noticed about the anime that made me regret even wasting time watching it.
“Okay, why is it taking so long to get to the damn point?”
“Why are they pussy footing about the basement?”
“This has become another typical entry-level shonen anime. Yay.”
“Nice main character powers with becoming a titan Eren didn’t see that coming.”
“I’m in love with Misaka’s abs. I want Misaka to dominate me and make me call her ‘mommy’ while I lick her abs.”
I didn’t say that last part out loud I kept that to myself. But the point reminds! Attack on Titan was trash. Overrated trash. A complete let down.
I do not know if it was the Fruity Pebbles kush that made me aware that Attack on Titan was actually shit or if the hype died for me too soon, but I was disappointed by the anime. I was hoping that it’ll get better by episode 8. Nope. Maybe episode 9 will make me forgive the series. Nah.
Alan, our homegirl “Claire”, and our homeboy “Dante” (who sold us the Fruity Pebbles) all agreed that Attack on Titan was overrated trash. Hell, Dante even predicted that Eren would have titans powers and the identititly of the Female Titan and Armored Titan before we all knew who they were. That’s how predictable the series was to him.
On the bright side, Attack on Titan has amazing art, animation, music, and sound design. Also Sasha and Misaka are best girls. Just suck that the story wasa bland and the hypetrain led to nowhere.
Oh well. Never again.