Yuki The Snowman

‘Know who you are dealing with – do NOT offend the wrong person.’
-Law 19 of the 48 Laws of Power

I’m going to say this: Don’t fuck with people.  Don’t  offend people.  Don’t underestimate people.  If someone tells you to leave them alone, do it.  Don’t assume everyone will react to your actions in the same way or won’t do anything.  It’ll cost you more than what it is worth and in some cases – your life.  Perfect Cell of Dragon Ball Z and Ritsuko of Higurashi: When They Cry, learned the incredibly barbaric way that underestimating and offending “weak” people isn’t worth it.  They believed their targets couldn’t do any harm to them, thus thinking they’ll be okay.

How wrong they were.

Son Gohan Vs. Cell

‘At last, has Gohan’s rage exceeded it limits?’

-Narrator

I can’t fault Perfect Cell for his pride and overconfidence.  When your genetic makeup has the features of the prideful Vegeta and the ambition Lord Frieza, you’d  be on some arrogant shit too.   Ever since birth, Cell was told that he is become perfect.  He’s like the child whose mother told him that he can become whatever he dreams of if he put in the work.  Well, Cell put in the work to become the perfect warrior.  He hunted down Androids 17 and 18, absorbed them both, and achieved   his boyhood dreams.

He became perfect!

So, fast-forward to the Cell Games.  Goku has just forfeited to Cell after an intense and destructive match.  Goku tells the bio-android that he’s no match for him.  Hell, he and Cell both knew that he couldn’t defeat him. Dude just wanted to fight someone strong. Goku assured Cell that there was somebody stronger than him.  Someone who could provide Cell with more entertainment that he could provide.

That someone – Son Gohan: Son of Goku.

Cell is introduced to the peaceful, young, but powerful kid by Goku.  When Cell directs his attention  to the rice child he just scoffs and laugh;  believing that Gohan couldn’t possibly this super powerful warrior his father hyped him up to be.  Nevertheless,  he entertains the thought of fighting Gohan.

After some prep talk from his pops, Gohan steps up to Cell with delay.  The kid really does not want to fight the monster and attempts to talk the dude out of it with reason.  Gohan tells Cell that he won’t pursue him if he just cancels the tournament and leave earth.  Cell just laugh as if Gohan channeled his inner George Carlin and told a  humorous and politically incorrect joke.  Being the naive that he is, Gohan again tells Cell he doesn’t want to fight – he sees no joy in it unlike his father.

In fact, he even gives dude a warning of his hidden power – a power induced by rage. Gohan is quite scary when he’s angry.

Cell ain’t hearing none of Gohan’s shit and proceeds to beat him like if Gohan was cosplaying as Tina Turner, and Cell as Ike Turner, and they wanna really get into their character roles(Cell was just missing the shoe). Cell starts taunting Gohan, begging the child to unleash his inner rage and special power that he was braggin’ about! The man wants a challenge, not a living punching bag.  Assuming Gohan may had just been all talk, Cell turns his action towards Gohan’s friends and father.

Cell figures if he harms Gohan’s love ones, he could draw out his hidden power.  So Cell reproduces himself, creating seven “Cell Jrs.”.  Cell orders his seven mini-mes to attack Goku and his crew.  The Z Warriors go on the defense, but the brats are too much.  They’re are quickly overpowered and savagely beaten.  Cell starts taunting Gohan once more, demanding that he sees his hidden power, or he’ll have the Z Warriors slaughtered.

As a last ditch effort, Android 16 (who survived a failed suicide bombing attempt against Cell) begs Mr. Satan to throw his head towards Gohan.  Android 16 was inspired to become a motivation speaker, decided to use his newfound passion to tell Gohan to stop being a little bitch, and unleash his power against Cell.  16 knew that Gohan is a gentle person like himself and understand Gohan’s feelings of peaceful resolve.  However, 16 tells the kid that there’s nothing wrong with using his rage for justice and protecting others. As 16 begs Gohan to protect the nature and animals he came to love in his short life, Cell walks over to the android, talk some bullshit, and crush his head, killing him.

Gohan blanks out.   He’s in a trance. This goes on for a few seconds until he release all of his inner rage, hidden power, and finally – Super Saiyan 2.  The same Cell who was taunting and underestimating Gohan earlier is now fearing for his life.  He realize that he just made a fatal mistake with his offense.

Cell fucked up.

Gohan charges at Cell with great anger and pure ruthlessness.  Cell tries to fight back, but to no anvil.  Gohan vows to make Cell suffer for his evil deeds and tortures him.  Cell has no chance of recovery and Gohan knows this. As one final act to embarrass “Perfect” Cell, Gohan gut checks the monster, forcing him to vomit up Android 18; resulting in Cell reverting to his Second Form.  Gohan has victory in sight!  He won!  He just need to blast Cell away with just one good energy blast and the nightmare will be finally over!

Unfortunately, Gohan’s justice boner  and unethical method of torture against Cell would go to his head.  Cell (who’s utterly embarrassed and humiliated) decides to say fuck everything and everyone, pictures himself as an ISIS suicide bomber, gathers massive ammounts of ki in a last ditch effort to destroy Earth and.   With no other choice (due to his son’s fuckery) Goku teleports in front of  Cell, grabs him, teleports  to King Kai planet.  Cell has no choice but to blow himself up on King Kai;s, killing everyone on the planet besides himself because plot demands that Goku shouldn’t grab Bubbles, King Kai, and Greg and teleport back to Earth.

Congratulations Gohan.  You played yourself.

‘Do not go past the mark you aimed for; in victory, learn when to stop.’

-Law 47 of the 48 Laws of Power.

Cell  survives, somehow learns Goku’s  teleport , and uses it to teleport back to Earth (he also regain his perfect form because plot).  He greets everyone by blasting a hole through Trunks’s chest. He dies. Vegeta snaps, finally admitting to the world he’s actually a big softie who loves his family, blasts Cell but he lives. Cell is too much for everyone thanks to that Zenkai boast he earned from blowing himself up.  Everyone starts to lose hope until Gohan gets that classic Shonen power-up, get a prep talk from his dead dad, and then kill Cell! YAY!

Everyone lived happily ever happy expect for Chi-Chi who just became a single parent thanks to Gohan’s and Goku’s  bullshit.

Rena vs Ritsuko

Speaking of single parents, you shouldn’t fuck with the daughter of a single father, especially if she’s a daddy’s girl and they all they got.

After  being cucked by his ex-wife (which lead to her being pregnant by the man she was sleeping with), Mr. Ryuugu and his daughter Rena Ryuugu moved to the peaceful and  lovely village of Hinamizawa to start over.  For those unawared of the Higurashi series let me fill you in on some information.  Rena is crazy.  Like, she’s not psychotic crazy like Yuno Gasai of Future Diary, but she’s pretty crazy (that’s of course, if you ignore the one time she tried to blow up her school).  Her madness is triggered when  somebody tries to mess and offend her or somebody she cares about – like her father.   She’s your classic yangire; a usually sweet person who becomes violent due to extreme emotional stress.

So Rena and her pops are chillin’ and livin’  peacefully in Hinamizawa  until one day, Papa Ryuugu hooked up with the alluring ho Rina Mamiya (a.k.a Ritsuko).  Rena’s dad instantly falls in love with Ritsuko, believing the woman is  better than his former wife.  He showers her with gifts, praise, and even buys her a luxurious condomimum!   Papa Ryuugu has finally found the perfect woman!  That or he’s on some rebound shit after dealing with his ex-wife, but I don’t like to rain on people parade, so let’s pretend he’s actually happy and not being played like a sucker.

And boy – he’s being played.

A couple of days into their “relationship”, a man in a $5 Walmart Hawaiian shirt comes a knockin’ at the front door of the Ryuugu house.  Mr. Ryuugu answers, and is suddenly attacked by this guy claiming to be Ritsuko’s man.   The man, A Pimp Named Slickback Teppei, threatens if Mr. Ryuuguu doesn’t fork over a couple of millions of yen for sleeping with his girl, he’s going to do some horrible things to him.  Like forcing him  to watch the anime version of Umineko no Naku Koro Ni.  Or blow his head off with a gun I don’t remember the details.

Mr. Ryuguu suck at picking women, doesn’t he?

Anyways, Rena overhears Ritsuko and A Pimp Named Slickback Teppei boasting about their latest Badger Game, with her dad as their current victim.   The two are proud that they’ve  ruined a man and his daughter’s lives.  They’re about to cash out like Bobby Shmurda and get this illegal money quick.  Or so they believed.  Rena is pissed.    She wants revenge.

You do not fuck with people’s family.

Now, Rena could had just gone crazy and kill Ritsuko right then and there, but Rena is extraordinary wise for her age.  She knows if she just rush and try to confront either Ritsuko or Teppei, it would spell doom for not only her, but her beloved father as well. Rena comes up with a plan.  She’s just gonna use her innocent and naive charm to lure both Ritsuko and Teppei into a murderous trap.  For all they know, she is unaware of their plan to entrap her father.

‘Play a sucker to catch a sucker  – seem dumber than your mark.’
-Law 21 of the 48 Laws of Power

Rena hits up Ritsuko to come and kick it with her at her hide out spot: The Garbage Dump.  The two meet up at Rena’s super-duper ultra-edition secret hideout and the two have a lovely girl chat about…well I’m not a girl so I don’t know what girls like to discuss in private.  Ritsuko asks Rena about her hideout place and Rean tells her it’s a secret place that only she knows about, describing how peaceful, quiet, and serene the place is if you can ignore the smell of rotting garbage.   Ritsuko then brings up that her and Rena’s dad are to be married soon and if Rena approval of the marriage.

Rena flats out tells Ritsuko no and explain to the scam artist that she’s hip to her and Teppei’s plan to entrap her father, and scam him out of his fortune.   Rena goes further, telling Ritsuko that she hates her and to remove herself from their lives.  Ritsuko snaps, berates Rena, beats her, slams her to the ground and starts choking her. She becomes overconfident, believing that she can get away with killing Rena at her private hideout.   Yeah. Rena’s private hideout.  Ya know, the same hideout that Rena lured her into as if she wasn’t prepared to fight against her if shit went south.

As they’re struggling on the ground, Rena grabs a piece of glass and slice  Ritsuko’s stomach open.   Ritsuko freaks out, favoring her wound.   Rena grabs a lead pipe, gets up, and enters her yangire rage mode.  Ritsuko starts begging for her life as Rena raises the pipe above her head, asking for pardon,  but it’s far too late.  Rena brings down the pipe with power, speed, and accuracy – craving in Ritsuko head.  Rena continues her assault chanting “Die! Die! Fucking die!”  with each strike until she snaps out of her rage.

Confirming her kill, Rena hides Ritsuko’s battered body in a fridge and makes her way home.  As luck would have it, Rena encounters Teppei at her house, attacking her father.  Rena hides behind a tree as she watch Teppei contitiune his assult on her dad and threatening him for his money.*  As Teppei walks away, Rena greets him sweetly.  She tells the man that she’s the daughter of the man he just beaten, and that she and Ritsuko  have become close.  Rena tells Teppei that Ritsuko needed to see him to ask him something.  Teppei is confused but follows Rena to her hideout.

*(So I totally got the time order of Teppei arriving at their house  assaulting her dad mixed up.  Whoops.)

Rena lures him to her hideout the same fashion as she did Ritsuko.  As Teppei questions why Ritsuko needed to see him in the garbage dump, Rena cleaves his head in two with her billhook, killing the man instantly – gaining revenge on the two who offended her.

The following morning Rena snitches  on herself to her friends about the murder  but since they’re good friends they help her chop up their bodies and bury their remains.

Later, Rena repays her friends back by taking them hostage at their school, which was infested with homemadee bombs and gasoline.  Depending on which universe you wanna follow, either Rena and Keiichi have an epic showdown on the top of their school which ends with Keiichi forgiving Rena (as she did for him in another universe), or Rena blows everyone up in the school, killing them all!

The End!

Kids, do not fuck with people.  Do not offend or hurt them in any way.  It’ll cost you more than what’s it worth.  Cell learned the hard way with messing with Gohan and Ritsuko with Rena.  Learn from their mistakes.

Thanks for reading!  Later ya!!