anime expo – Yuki The Snowman

Reality Over Fiction: Why Real Life Empowerment is Better Than This Nerd Crap

“This Tupac museum is way better than going up to that little anime convention down the street!” I told a mother and daughter who asked me if I could take their picture next to a collection of notebooks from legendary rapper the late Tupac Shakur. Both women laughed and nodded in agreement. I myself was in awe reading his original, hand-written drafts of some of his iconic hit songs such as Troublesome ’96, To Live and Die in L.A., All About You, and California Love. From the pages, you could feel Tupac’s drive to make each of his works a masterpiece.

I was originally in Los Angeles during the 4^th of July 2022 weekend for Anime Expo: the annual anime convention in which broke socially awkward weeaboos with disposable income spend their money to help support Los Angeles’s train wreck of an economy (and to an extent, California’s own train wreck of an economy).

However, in the planning stages of my L.A. trip, I came across an advertisement for the Wake Me Up When I’m Free Tupac exhibit hosted in L.A. Live. I figured that it’d be great to take a break from all the weeaboos who finally learned some social skills and take care of their personal hygiene during the COVID shutdowns in order to do something more laid back. Plus, as someone who’s a fan of hip-hop, the arts, and a proud Foundational Black American, I felt that it was my duty to pay respect to the man who not only changed the world but especially inspired Black people globally to rise up against systematic white supremacy and to better themselves.

Anime conventions come and go. Most offer the same thing that you can experience at any other convention. But, a once-in-a-lifetime pop-up museum revolving around the life of a Black man who changed society, well, I had to go and check that out before it was too late.

Not mere seconds upon entering the exhibit, I felt powerful energy and drive that I’ve never experienced at any anime con. The energy of Black Empowerment. The drive to better myself as a Black man. Reading stories of Afeni Shakur – the mother of Tupac – and her courage to stand up against white supremacy as a member of the Black Panther Party during the 70s made me feel proud to be who I am.

Seeing how driven Tupac was in his short 25 years of life to create and produced only fueled my own creative drive. Reading about how he was able to produce many hit songs even in jail made me realize how much I threw away so much free I was blessed with during the 2020-2021 COVID lock-downs. Freetime that could have birthed work. Work that could have birthed content. Content that could have birth funds for me to have a much better and longer time in Los Angeles and Anime Expo. Don’t get me wrong: I had a hell of a time in Los Angeles and Anime Expo this year – but – it would have been nice to have more money in my pockets and more time on my hands out there.

Hell, if I wasn’t such a moron who let his inner darkness take control which turned into a destructive mental slump over a simple minor medical issue like heart failure (that landed me in the hospital for a week), I could have produced so much high-grade content for my blog and YouTube channel. That in turn could have birthed new traffic flow to my website and subscriptions to my YouTube channel. I could have grown big enough to land myself a free press or industry pass for Anime Expo; thus, saving me money and netting those glorious industry connections (only for me to lose them given how quickly they will discover how I could never be in their industry like that with my savage mouthpiece).

I know that you should never compare yourself to someone else. It’s a dangerous mental trap, but I gotta get this off my chest. Tupac spent time in a hopeless situation like prison and was able to produce hits after hit. Yet I wasted a year of my life feeling sorry for myself. A year where I could I could have risen up from the darkness and into the light and just produce masterpiece content like him.

As Foundation Black Americans, it’s a skill we’ve mastered due to 400 years and counting of going through the most horrific and sinister shit in human history. Honestly, being in that exhibit (as well as a real friend giving me a kick in the ass about my behavior) just gave me the realization that I have to go back to my old-school ways (producing content like crazy like I did during 2017-2019).

Like Tupac, I had to take control of my own life and direct my own fate.
That’s true empowerment.

*****

In contrast, the night before, I was at Atlus’s Persona 25th Midnight Masquerade dance party that was held during Anime Expo 2022. After waiting in the general admission line for over an hour, I had arrived just in time to hear this Asian DJ stop playing music (it wasn’t even Persona music, mind you) and start whining like a little bitch about as a child, he felt insecure about his racial heritage; wishing that he wasn’t Asian. As things couldn’t get more awkward, he sang a song about his struggles of being Asian in Canada. I wish that I would have recorded that, but I, along with my crew, felt second-hand embarrassment from that turn of events and left to chat it up with some Persona (and Shin Megami Tensei) cosplayers in the bar area.

(I can’t believe you early admission tickets guys really paid $25 to get in early only to hear that mess).

That was just pathetic. I couldn’t imagine being a young Asian person up at that party and hearing another Asian whine about how insecure he felt in his youth. How’s that empowering to anyone? Let me be that DJ! If I was him, I’d be up there talking reckless on stage about great Asians are because we made Persona, anime, and cosplay.

I would be like “If it wasn’t for us Asians making Persona and getting cosplay poppin all over the world none of these non-Asians motherfuckers would be here today dressing up as OUR characters! A lot of these dudes are only gonna get laid tonight cuz our race made characters like Ann Takamaki, Kasumi Yoshizawa, and Rise Kujikawa cuz these little cosplay hos are dressed up as the tonight! That Maya cosplayer looks positive and I ain’t talking about her always saying ‘let’s think positive’ in Persona 2 or COVID! Any guy getting with her later tonight better wrap up it! Anyway, We’re the master race – not the whites! Yellow Power! ”

I would MAKE sure neither Atlus nor Anime Expo hires me to DJ their events ever again!

That wild fantasy aside, that lack of knowing oneself through empowerment. It’s the mindset of most nerds. You have these white male nerds who have been given everything handed to them due to white supremacy. So, when something does go bad for them, they lack the willpower to get through it. That’s why you see these little white boy incels degrading shooting up public places, and getting involved with alt-right groups.

For the non-white nerds (and the white nerds who aren’t on board with white supremacy) they lack the courage to push through the hardships of life. Most only look forward to the past with blind nostalgia because they don’t see a hopeful future. Pride in oneself is absent from their psyche.

They use fiction as a shield to withdraw from and protect themselves against the savagery of this life. By hiding from life, they don’t have the foresight to see how amazing and beautiful life can be despite its cruel, twisted darkness. Most of these nerds don’t use any of this geek junk they indulge in to empower themselves. They hate on the alpha male and alpha female nerds who have the testicular and ovarian fortitude to not use nerd culture to hide from life. Why do you think there’s rarely any true self or communal empowerment at these conventions?

This is why I named this post “Reality Over Fiction”. I felt more driven to better myself in the two hours I spent at the Tupac museum compared to the 10+ years I’ve gone to these geek conventions across America. Honestly, you can’t find empowerment or people who want to better themselves at these conventions. Why? Because self-empowerment demands that you take a deeper look at yourself and force you to question what the hell have you been doing with all your life. They don’t want to realize they’ve wasted their life not doing anything with it. Funny, given the heroes they look up to (may they be fictional or real) rose up and empowered themselves.

Guess it’s easier in fiction than in reality.

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The Swarthy Nerd Podcast
A Black nerd empowerment podcast where Black nerds (well, all nerds, but Black first and foremost) can get together and talk freely about nerd culture while also acknowledging systematic white supremacy and racism in nerd culture. Every Tuesdays we drop episodes containing serious and laidback topics while Saturdays we drop episodes talking about TV shows, anime, film, comics, manga, and video games.

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By Yuki The Snowman Posted on July 16, 2022

Life 0

“No Way I Can Stay At The Same Level”

At the beginning of the Dragon Ball Super Movie: Broly trailer, Whis asks Goku why he seeks further power (than he already has). Goku replies that battling in the Tournament of Power has opened his eyes; understanding that there’s no way he can remind at his current level. This is typical of Goku. Every time he encounters powerful warriors on his journey, he gets inspired to better himself. Despite having marvelous power, Goku realizes that it’s not enough.

He must always seek to improve himself.

I’m not a Goku fan. He’s a bland, average Shounen battle anime/manga main character. Yet, I can’t help but admire his drive to better himself. He loves to fight against those who are stronger than him. He’s willing to learn from those who may not have much strength, but are masters at techniques he’s curious about (the Kaioken from King Kai, The Mafuba from Master Roshi, and Instant Transmission from the Yardrats). Goku is always learning. Always improving.

Listening to Goku’s response, I couldn’t help but feel a relation to his words. ‘No way I can’t stay at the same level I am now.’. I’m all for self-improvement and bettering yourself (beyond your current talents and levels). You should always work your ass off to reach new heights no matter what. Life isn’t fun if you remain where you at. If you want the best things for yourself, you have to level up no matter what; may it be learning a new skill, working on your purpose/passion, or traveling to a new city you have yet to explore.

In early July of 2018, I was in Los Angeles for Anime Expo (AX) and to see what the city has to offer to travelers wishing to explore it. As I scoured the city soaking in the culture, I fell in love instantly. The blend of multi-cultural natives and travelers speaking in their native tongue. Fashion heads donning their outlandish appeals without fear of (too much) judgment. Massive, striving businesses bringing income for the city. The ocean breeze cooling down the warm city. People minding their own business and not mean mugging (like in my hometown). Entertainment surrounding the area at each turn. World level cosplayers showcasing their talents. The crowded convention venue filled up by passionate otakus. Witnessing all of inspired me to do better in life. I want more from it.

There’s no way I can stay at the same level I’m at now.

My visit to Los Angeles changed my life. Extreme? Yep. But, you something extreme to happen to you if you want to change. I spoke about this in a previous post, but seeing that gigantic Fate/Grand Order poster towering over the Wells Fargo bank in Downtown L.A. sparked an inspiration fire within me. It brought a huge smile to my face. Not because I’m a Fate fan, but because it served a reminder to me that even the most popular, beloved series had to start from the bottom( to reach the top).

The Fate series started out as a bit of a niche yet popular visual novel in Japan. While beloved in Japan, it took years for the love to reach Western fanbases (sans the small circle of Western fans who love the visual novel) to the heights we are seeing today. Type-Moon (the creative force behind the fate series) had to put in the years of hard and smart work to reach their current levels in the otaku world. And it paid off.

If they can put in that hard work to reach the top, so can I.

Since I’m on the topic of visual novels, I was at a Doki Doki Literature Club (DDLC) cosplay meet up during AX (cosplaying as a last minute genderswap version of Monika) on Days 2 and 4. As the meetups were wrapping up, Dan Salvato (creator of DDLC), came through and chat it up with the fans. The fans (including myself) show nothing but love and support for the dude.

I was able to talk to him about how the character Yuri have impacted me the most out of the four characters (as I used to shut myself out from others and not talk about my love due to being teased and bullied for them like Yuri herself). He brought up how Yuri (as well as Natsuki) was based off his childhood experiences which made me appreciate both characters more (since I got a little deeper understanding on how they came to life).

Again, I was inspired by the love he was receiving and how he showed the love back. Like with the Fate/Grad Order poster, that experience showed me why I must get on my grind to produce content that people will love. If I can create something that can inspire others and want to better their lives, then I have finally done my job for the world.

Hard work pays off.

Me with Dan Salvato after the DDLC meetup at Anime Expo

Outside the convention, my friend and I were invited to an Anime Expo Discord chat meetup at an outdoor bar (forgot the name of it). As we drank and chop it up with everyone, one of the guys brought up how it’s goofy that some weeaboos will spend thousands and thousands of dollars to fly out to L.A., buy a convention badge, and hotel costs just to go to the convention and not explore the city to see what it has to offer. Our (my friend and I) faces lit up and nodded in agreement, as we had a talk about this while we were smoking hours earlier. While the main goal was to attend Anime Expo, we were more excited to explore the city. If you’re going to a city for an anime conventions and nothing else, you’re an idiot.

After the meetup, my friend and I went to be some little degenerates and smoke some legal weed. As we smoke, we reflect on our new friend’s words and how we’re truly making it; as we met like-minded people who understand why we can’t be around those who put limits on themselves.

A sign of progress.

(Below: Spoils from Little Tokyo)

Spoils from Little Tokyo

Exploring L.A. outside the con gave me the chance to talk to people from not only L.A. but from all over the world. One gentleman whom I spoke with was a dude born in China who moved to the New Jersey area in his youth and then to L.A. when he got older. We spoke about our home cities and compared it to L.A. He didn’t like living out there as, in his words “people in L.A. are rude assholes and there’s always some nonsense going on compared to New Jersey.”. I told him St. Louis was the same but couldn’t see how L.A. was that bad (granted I was only a visitor and not somebody who was living in the city,).

A day before I left L.A., I spoke with a rather liberal Middle Eastern women for a bit. She was an L.A. native who guessed that my friend and I weren’t locals due to our mannerism. Apparently, those who are native to the L.A. area tend to be assholes, but (depending on where they from), travelers and tourists are kind and aren’t on any bullshit. I had to agree with her on that. It felt that those who weren’t locals or born in L.A. seem chill and laid back while the rest were niggas who clearly didn’t get whoop by somebody when they got out of line.

During a weed run, my boy and I ran into a street rapper, Chase, who wanted us to give him a topic to freestyle about. After his freestyle, we started talking about where we from. Come to find out, Chase was a fellow Mid-Western from Chicago who visited St. Louis from time to time. He came to Califorina to connect with other rappers to network with other rappers and build his brand. I am not that much of a spiritual person, but I can’t help to think that meeting was the universe telling me something about even if I try to leave home for a while, home will find me. But this was a positive experience. Three Midwestern’s finding each other on the West Coast and speaking about our journeys and what we want out of it.

As time passed on and I traveled, I wanted more out of not only L.A. itself, but for me as a person. There’s something magical about that city. I can’t put my finger on it, but it brought out something in me that I knew was there – I just needed something to draw it out. Maybe it was that Fate/Grand Order that was the trigger. Perhaps talking to a creator and seeing the love he got brought it out. Could it be that me getting out of my hometown caused all of this? I dunno.

What I do know is that if I want this again, then I can’t stay at the same level I am now.

By Yuki The Snowman Posted on July 31, 2018