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Life 0

“No Way I Can Stay At The Same Level”

At the beginning of the Dragon Ball Super Movie: Broly trailer, Whis asks Goku why he seeks further power (than he already has).  Goku replies that battling in the Tournament of Power has opened his eyes; understanding that there’s no way he can remind at his current level. This is typical of Goku. Every time he encounters powerful warriors on his journey, he gets inspired to better himself.  Despite having marvelous power, Goku realizes that it’s not enough.

He must always seek to improve himself.

I’m not a Goku fan.  He’s a bland, average Shounen battle anime/manga main character.  Yet, I can’t help but admire his drive to better himself.  He loves to fight against those who are stronger than him.  He’s willing to learn from those who may not have much strength, but are masters at techniques he’s curious about (the Kaioken from King Kai,  The Mafuba from Master Roshi, and  Instant Transmission from the Yardrats).  Goku is always learning. Always improving.

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Listening to Goku’s response,  I couldn’t help but feel a relation to his words. ‘No way I can’t stay at the same level I am now.’.  I’m all for self-improvement and bettering yourself (beyond your current talents and levels).  You should always work your ass off to reach new heights no matter what.  Life isn’t fun if you remain where you at.  If you want the best things for yourself, you have to level up no matter what; may it be learning a new skill, working on your purpose/passion, or traveling to a new city you have yet to explore.

In early July of 2018, I was in Los Angeles for Anime Expo (AX) and to see what the city has to offer to travelers wishing to explore it.  As I scoured the city soaking in the culture, I fell in love instantly.  The blend of multi-cultural natives and travelers speaking in their native tongue.  Fashion heads donning their outlandish appeals without fear of  (too much) judgment. Massive, striving businesses bringing  income for the city. The ocean breeze cooling down the warm city. People minding their own business and not mean mugging (like in my hometown). Entertainment surrounding the area at each turn. World level cosplayers showcasing their talents. The crowded convention venue filled up by passionate otakus.  Witnessing all of inspired me to do better in life.  I want more from it.

There’s no way I can stay at the same level I’m at now.

My visit to Los Angeles changed my life. Extreme?  Yep. But, you something extreme to happen to you if you want to change.  I spoke about this in a previous post, but seeing that gigantic Fate/Grand Order poster towering over the Wells Fargo bank in Downtown L.A. sparked an inspiration fire within me.  It brought a huge smile to my face.  Not because I’m a Fate fan, but because it served a reminder to me that even the most popular, beloved series had to start from the bottom( to reach the top).

The Fate series started out as a bit of a niche yet popular visual novel in Japan.  While beloved in Japan,  it took years for the love to reach Western fanbases (sans the small circle of Western fans who love the visual novel) to the heights we are seeing today. Type-Moon (the creative force behind the fate series) had to put in the years of hard and smart work to reach their current levels in the otaku world.  And it paid off.

If they can put in that hard work to reach the top, so can I.

 

Since I’m on the topic of visual novels, I was at a Doki Doki Literature Club (DDLC) cosplay meet up during AX (cosplaying as a last minute genderswap version of Monika) on Days 2 and 4.  As the meetups were wrapping up, Dan Salvato (creator of DDLC), came through and chat it up with the fans.  The fans (including myself) show nothing but love and support for the dude.

I was able to talk to him about how the character Yuri have impacted me the most out of the four characters (as I used to shut myself out from others and not talk about my love due to being teased and bullied for them like Yuri herself).  He brought up how Yuri  (as well as Natsuki) was based off his childhood experiences which made me appreciate both characters more (since I got a little deeper understanding on how they came to life).

Again, I was inspired by the love he was receiving and how he showed the love back. Like with the Fate/Grad Order poster, that experience showed me why I must get on my grind to produce content that people will love.  If I can create something that can inspire others and want to better their lives, then I have finally done my job for the world.

Hard work pays off.

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Me with Dan Salvato after the DDLC meetup at Anime Expo

Outside the convention,  my friend and I were invited to an Anime Expo Discord chat meetup at an outdoor bar (forgot the name of it). As we drank and chop it up with everyone, one of the guys brought up how it’s goofy that some weeaboos will spend thousands and thousands of dollars to fly out to L.A., buy a convention badge, and hotel costs just  to go to the convention and not explore the city to see what it has to offer. Our (my friend and I) faces lit up and nodded in agreement, as we had a talk about this while we were smoking hours earlier.  While the main goal was to attend Anime Expo,  we were more excited to explore the city.  If you’re going to a city for an anime conventions and nothing else, you’re an idiot.

After the meetup, my friend and I went to be some little degenerates and smoke some legal weed.  As we smoke, we reflect on our new friend’s words and how we’re truly making it; as we met like-minded people who understand why we can’t be around those who put limits on themselves.

A sign of progress.

(Below: Spoils from Little Tokyo)

 

Exploring L.A. outside the con gave me the chance to talk to people from not only L.A. but from all over the world.  One gentleman whom I spoke with was a dude born in China who moved to the New Jersey area in his youth and then to L.A. when he got older.   We spoke about our home cities and compared it to L.A.  He didn’t like living out there as, in his words “people in L.A. are rude assholes and there’s always some nonsense going on compared to New Jersey.”.  I told him St. Louis was the same but couldn’t see how L.A. was that bad (granted I was only a visitor and not somebody who was living in the city,).

A day before I left L.A., I spoke with a rather liberal Middle Eastern women for a bit.  She was an L.A. native who guessed that my friend and I weren’t locals due to our mannerism.  Apparently, those who are native to the L.A. area tend to be assholes, but (depending on where they from), travelers and tourists are kind and aren’t on any bullshit.  I had to agree with her on that.  It felt that those who weren’t locals or born in L.A. seem chill and laid back while the rest were niggas who clearly didn’t get whoop by somebody when they got out of line.

During a weed run, my boy and I ran into a street rapper, Chase, who wanted us to give him a topic to freestyle about.  After his freestyle, we started talking about where we from.  Come to find out, Chase was a fellow Mid-Western from Chicago who visited St. Louis from time to time. He came to Califorina to connect with other rappers to network with other rappers and build his brand. I am not that much of a spiritual person, but I can’t help to think that meeting was the universe telling me something about even if I try to leave home for a while, home will find me.  But this was a positive experience.  Three Midwestern’s finding each other on the West Coast and speaking about our journeys and what we want out of it.

As time passed on and I traveled, I wanted more out of not only L.A. itself, but for me as a person.  There’s something magical about that city. I can’t put my finger on it, but it brought out something in me that I knew was there – I just needed something to draw it out.  Maybe it was that Fate/Grand Order that was the trigger.  Perhaps talking to a creator and seeing the love he got brought it out.  Could it be that me getting out of my hometown caused all of this?  I dunno.

What I do know is that if I want this again, then I can’t stay at the same level I am now.

 

 

 

Fate 2

How a Fate/Grand Order Poster Inspired Me (FREEWRITE)

Note: This is a raw, unedited, freeform post. 

I love my trip to Los Angeles and attending Anime Expo.  It was a life-changing experience of consuming and getting involved in local and global cultures that I’ll never experience in my hometown.  While I foolhardy limited my travels to Downtown L.A. and Little Tokyo, the drive to go back to the West Coast is eating me up (in fact, limiting myself is the reason why I must go back because there’s more of L.A. I want to see).  The trip sparked a fire within me to better myself finically (through having multiple sources of incomes) and improve my creative talents so I can justify visiting L.A. in order to growth (or better yet – if I decide to live in L.A. for a few years)

While wandering around the Downtown area searching for a CVS, I encounter a massive fate/grand order towering above the Wells Frago bank in the area. A huge smile came across my face for two reasons.  One, because I am a bit of a casual fan of the series and that I’m happy on how the series has come this far.  Two, it served as a reminder (to me) that even the titans of the industry I am a consumer of had to start at the bottom to reach the top.  The creators behind the fate series were just people like you and me who had the vision to breathe life into something they felt could change their industry, the world, and their lives.

As my eyes focused and analyzed the mighty fate poster, I started reflecting on my own goals and dreams in life (and how I want to create something that will be loved by many).  My mind brought up the struggles it took me to get to not only Los Angeles and Anime Expo, but my current level of life and how I persevere to push forward with my goals despite the pitfalls, doubters, haters, etc..

‘I wonder what sacrifices these fate dudes had to make to get to where they at today? How hard and smart did they work in order to become icons in the otaku niche.’ I asked myself.   The poster spawned endless questions in my mind.  Questions of hard work, sacrifice, brand building.  I became a curious child who was given a brand new toy and was obsessed with what the toy can do.  At that moment,  I started planning on what should I do with my own goals and desires and how in order to bring them to life.

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Me posing in front of one of the Fate/Grand Order posters in Downtown L.A.

The people who created the fate series were given the same two hands, two eyes, two feet, two legs, and a similar creative brain like me at birth.  The difference between those guys and me is that they got off their asses and bust them to bring their vision to the world. Yeah, they were met with problems, haters, doubters, and people telling them to give up on their dreams.  Yet they push through the noise.  That’s the struggle every creative person will face.  I am no exception to this law.

If we wanna reach the real shit, we must go through the bullshit. That’s the only way our dreams can come true.

Uncategorized 0

Post-Cali Blues

As per my April 2018 article, I don’t get post-con blues.  I never got the idea behind it.   If you get depressed after attending a weeaboo festival (and aren’t willing to do anything about it), you’re a loser. There are conventions held almost every weekend in major cities in America and across the globe that offers the same shit (for the most part).  As a result, conventions get boring after a while. The passion behind them get lost and you’re (well, I) are left wondering “well, what’s next for this little otaku hobby of mines?”.  After attending Anime Expo in Los Angles however, I must admit I’m feeling the blues.

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The entrance of Anime Expo

Am I’m upset that Anime Expo has come and go? Nah.  Too many rude, smelly ass weeaboos I had to deal with that won’t make me miss the con (still going back though).  I had to stop myself from losing my temper and beating the shit out of a disrespectful, shut-in nerd who almost bumped me into a wall; all because he wanted a picture of some Ichigo and 02 cosplayers from Darling in the Franxx that he’ll never get to fuck in his lifetime.  Having to walk twenty minutes to Kenta Hall when it normally would have taken me five minutes wasn’t that fun – especially since it the crowds created a fire hazard (risk our safety for the all mighty dollar, huh). Trying to find a panel room for twenty minutes only to find out I needed a wristband to prove I was over the age of 18 ain’t fun.  I’m not blue over those factors. What I’m feeling blue about is the fact I am not in Los Angles anymore.

I have Post Cali Blues.

Los Angeles Skyline Photo

I miss California.  For the short week I was there, I felt at peace.  I felt that I could be myself despite not being within my comfort zone.  The fantastic, 80-degree weather that felt like it was 60 degrees thanks to the ocean breeze.  The luscious women from all over the world.  Bruh, they were bad! People who mind their own business and who didn’t mean mug you.  The welcoming and acceptance of those from different cultures. Being surrounded by striving businesses at every corner.  This what sold me on California…expect for the high taxes and cost of living you guys can miss me with that bullshit.

I gotta go back to Cali again.

If you guys don’t know, I’m from St. Louis, Misery (or Missouri) – a small Midwestern city that hasn’t seen progress in nearly 60 years.  St. Louis isn’t shit when it comes to wanting to better oneself in growth, business, career, etc.  The hopeless, passionless idiots who never left this city think it’s great and there’s nothing absolutely wrong with it (despite the high murder rates, extreme poverty, racism, right-wing politics, etc.).  These people love to bring down anyone with a dream or desire to expand their lives beyond St. Louis.

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Fuck St. Louis

As a result, there are many haters and jealous niggas in the ‘Lou. California has its shares of crimes, haters, and hopeless idiots, sure. but I rather be stuck in a state that has legal weed, a chance for me to grow as a person, and network with those within my industry as opposed to continuing living in a city where I feel that I have no chance to do anything with my passion. What did that little dude say in FLCL? “Nothing amazing ever happens here”.  Yep. That’s St. Louis.

St. Louis sucks.

During downtime at Anime Expo, I went decided to explore L.A. for a bit.  It felt magical. Every turn, my eyes here treated to blooming, striving business helping bring L.A. income.  Downtown St. Louis? Every other business building is abandoned.  Downtown L.A. featured a fashion district.  Not a fashion store, mall, or outlet.  A fashion fucking district.   Did I mention legal, safe weed? Kush mind you, not no reggie or unknown kush with bug spray on it.

Legal. Fucking. Weed.

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Besides my degenerate lust towards weed, I’m a man of culture. Given that L.A. is a large city with over 3.7 million living in it, you’re going to get people from many cultural backgrounds telling them your experience.  As one Lyft driver told me, L.A. is made up of people from all over the world – not just native people.  With that, you get to talk to people from Asia, The Middle East, Africa, Europe, etc. and learn why they came ot America and how are they dealing with things here as their cultural experience clashes with the ones in America (as that adage goes; you can take the man out of the hood but you can’t take the hood out of the man).  St. Louis is cultural as well (we have strong Middle Eastern, Chinesse Mexican,  and Bosnian, communites) don’t get me wrong, but there aren’t as many international people here compared to the West Coast.   I personally that shit is cool.

 

To conclude, the post Cali blues is hitting hard for me right now. To be honest, I am a little disappoint that I didn’t explore much of L.A. beyond Little Tokyo and Downtown.   If ther ewasnt’ a convention in between my exploration, I feel like I could had gotten much more done in a week.  I’m kicking myself for not hitting up Hollywodo (Despite the latter being a tourist trap).  Venice Beach and Santa Monica are beautiful beach spots.   I low-key wanna explore Compton and study  one ofhte major parts of hip-hop history before it gets completely gentriflied by the liberals. I am going back to L.A. for my homeboy’s birthday and Anime’ L.A., so that will grant me a second chance to do the thigns I couldn’t do on my first trip.

I’m going back to Cali.

DRUNK AFTERWORD:
To those on my Facebook friend’s list who were mad about my post-con blues post: the fuck ya were gonna do besides be mad and not fuck with me anymore cuz I spoke that shit about post-con depression?

flcl 1

On FLCL: Progressive Lack of Charm (Freewrite)

FLCL: Progressive is weird.  I don’t mean that it matches the original FLCL weirdness that fans celebrate and praise it for.  It’s awkwardly weird.   It doesn’t have the fluid, bold experimental animation, the zany characters, and the upbeat music as its predecessor.  The story’s a  bit of a  rehash (with the main character not seeing anything exciting about life until Haruko comes along) but with new elements. There are only two episodes left of Progressive and it’s unfair to judge  and compare,  but it’s hard to wait  – especially with the internet buzzing on how Progressive isn’t as glamorous as the first series.

Why is this?  Surely Production I.G. and Studio TRIGGER could have delivered the same excitement from the classic with  Progressive (as the original team members are all on board).  The thing is, FLCL classic was an experiment for Gainax to test new animation software at the time.  The team was allowed to go off the rails with the software, art, and story writing to push the limits of their new toy and their artistic talents.   That’s it.

That’s why FLCL classic was charming…well that’s my theory.

With FLCL: Progressive, the production team isn’t using new technology (to my knowledge).  They already proved themselves to the industry (serval times mind you).  There’s no need to reproduce the charm from FLCL Classic with fancy new software.  From the four episodes I’ve watched, I’m assuming that Production I.G. and Studio TRIGGER are focused on delivering a solid story than just being silly with animation software.   There’s FLCL: Alternate coming out in later this year.  Perhaps it’ll recapture the outlandish feeling that the original gave us so we can only wait and see.

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Champion Joe 0

“They Don’t Make Tombstones For Stray Dogs”

What’s a name?  Obviously, it’s a set word(s) to identify a person, place, or thing.  Some names are linked to a famous brand (Nike, Nordstrom, or  Nintendo for example). Others are associated with a person in your life ( brother, sister, cousin, etc.)  There are names famous throughout the world — regardless of culture, race, etc (Micheal Jackson, Bill Gates, Shigeru Miyamoto).   Depending on the person, whenever we hear their name,  we either react with disgust or with love.   Names are important as they are the basis of who we are as a person.  Some fight to preserve their name in history — even after death.

In episode 2 of the Spring 2018 boxing anime Megalo Box  the Junk Dog Gearless Joe squares off with Megalo Boxing champion Yuri. Before their fight, Yuri requests Joe’s real name, as he states that “I can’t imagine you want a ring name on your tombstone” in which Joe  replies “They don’t make tombstones for stray dogs.”

Regardless if Joe wants to use his real or ring name,  he wants his legecy to be known.  He refuses to die without anyone knowing who he was in life.  The line is simple, yet powerful.  Joe is right: they do not make tombstones for no names.

Question: Do we recognize people who never done anything in history?

No, we don’t.    Those who achieved greatness have their names embedded in history.  The ones who don’t are forgotten. The story of the Gearless Joe is one of the classic underdog story.  Joe is a young man of lower class status yearning to escape the strife and trap of poverty through boxing.  With his boxing skills,  he believes that if he becomes the Megalo Boxing champion, his name will live forever.  Joe refuses to die as a nobody.  That’s not his fate in this world.  There’s no glory in being another unknown background character in a world of billions and billions of people.

Nobody gives a shit about a stray dog.

People fight until their final breaths to keep their name and brand relevant.  We may not understand why,  but there are many in this world who do not want to die as a nobody.   Utliziing their skillsets and talents, they put themselves out there in hopes that one day, their legacy will be celebrated. Deep inside them, there’s that drive for certain humans to make their mark on this world by any means.  If they don’t, they will die with the regret of not becoming the icon in their niche or even the world.  That’s why they fight.

They don’t make tombstones for stray dogs.
 

Current Events 6

History Repeating Itself: Doki Doki Literature Club Blamed For A Teen’s Suicide

What’s the best way to generate an increase in sales and downloads for your product?  It’s simple: controversy.   This effective yet infamous trick has worked well for the video game industry for 30+ years.  Mortal Kombat came under fire by the U.S. Government for its high level of gore and violence (at the time).  Middle-Class suburban parent groups demanded that the game should be removed from arcades and stores; as they believed children would become influenced by the game’s brutally  Their anger and protests only generated more support and sales for Mortal Kombat.

Rockstar used this trick as well with the Grand Theft Auto series. As with Mortal Kombat before it, parents and government groups were horrified by the pixeled violence and sexual acts displayed in Rockstar’s landmark series. They demanded the video game company to cease production.   Guess what?  Their crusade against it only helped increase sales, support, and popularity for the series. Rockstar knew the controversy would work in their favor.

On June 25th, 2018, the Manchester Coroner’s office issued a warning to school officials in the United Kingdom after the suicide of 15-year-old child back in February 2018.  Prior to the suicide, the child was playing the popular free-to-play visual novel Doki Doki Literature Club (DDLC).  The coroner and the child’s father suspected that the mental health themes of DDLC played a part in the death.

I gotta say: history is repeating itself.

It’s  unfortunate that the child killed himself.   He needed therapy.  However, it’s funny to blame DDLC (for triggering the child’s death). Are we really going to do that again (blamming video  games)?   Shit’s played out.  Then again, it’s easy to play the blame game as opposed to be more open to the struggles of mental health illnesses and finding support for those suffering from.  We are quick to shun anyone with it.  We are quick to shun video games.  But we aren’t quick to help people.  We only use people with mental health issues for selfish gains.

Take that as you will.

DDLC being linked to this latest  video game controversy will only generate more popularity, support, and downloads.  People love negativity. Humans are a curious lot.  That warning will make  can children curcious about the game, share it with their peers, and of course, produce an expansion of its populairty and downloads. History is repeating itself.

To the Manchester Coroner’s office: Congrulations on helping Team Salvato net furhter attention and support.  Ya did well.

Doki Doki Literature Club 0

Monika and Taking Advantage of the Game of Power (Drunken Freewrite)

Disclaimer: Wrote this when I was drunk.  

Just imagine: You’re a normal schoolgirl living a normal life in Japan, America, or whatever the fuck you’re from.  You do normal schoolgirl things like homework, talk about boys, join clubs, and worrying about if the beta incel loser who think women owes him pussy will finally snap and shoot up the school. You live an average life with you and your friends having fun and thinking about the future after high school.

One day, you have an epiphany: Everything you know about your life was a complete lie.

 

You’re not a real person – you’re a computer game character trapped in a visual novel made by some computer nerd who used to make mods for a children party game that was ruined by a bunch of sad, loser ass manchildren who turned it into a “fighting” game.  Your peers are nothing more but data.  The school you love?  It’s a simulation.  Your friends?  Programmed to fall in love with some sad virgin weeaboo jacking off to hentai of said friends after the finished playing the game while you sit on the sidelines questioning your existence.   So what you going to do with your new Godlike self-aware powers?

Brainwash and Kill your friends,  disrupt the game and force the player to fall in love with you of course!

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Monika gets a lot of shit in the DDLC fandom.  People claim that she’s a sociopath.  People hate on her because she killed their cliche’ waifu. Fans of Monika (like myself) are accused of being morally bankrupt and corrupt.  Me personally?  I think Monika is a power player and was a G for taking advantage of her situation.  If you had absolute power, or seek it, wouldn’t you do anything by any means to get what you want?

Monika was simply playing the game of power to her advantage.  She understood that her friends were nothing more but lines of data.  She wasn’t killing anyone real. Besides, what would have happened if one of them became self-aware? Surely they would have tried to take out Monika and anyone else in their way.   Knowing this, I can’t fault Monika for her actions.

She had to do everything within her power to ensure victory.

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What are the goals for dealing with rivals in sports, business, the workplace, what have you?  Take out anyone in your way, dominate and intimidate them all. You take them out by sheer force and superior skills. You dominate by being better,  maintaining your number spot, and being innovating.  Finally, you intimidate through brutal, savage actions – making sure nobody else tries to step up to you and knock you out of first place. Monika did all three. Screwing with the game’s programming was intimidation.  She made Sayori hang herself, Natsuki snap her neck, and Yuri stab herself to death: taking out the competition. And finally, she dominated the system.  Simple power plays if you ask me.

Don’t hate the player or the game.  Be the player and take advantage of the game.

Dragon Ball Super 0

The Tournament of Power’s Important Lesson (Drunk Freewrite)

Disclaimer: This freewrite was written under the influence of alcohol. It may not make logical sense.

Dragon Ball isn’t deep.  There are deep themes, but it isn’t that deep than other anime.  Dragon Ball is a goofy, battle action manga and anime series created by some crazy Japanese dude who bread and butter is gag comedy manga (Dr. Slump). Expecting Dragon Ball to be meaningful and insightful is like trying to find one’s dignity at a drunken,  drug-fueled  anime con orgy:

 

It ain’t gonna happen.

This doesn’t mean that Dragon Ball can’t teach us lessons about life.  After all, Goku’s journey is a lesson that if you want to better yourself, you must go out and travel; putting in the hard (and smart) work to and learning under those better than you to obtain whatever you want in life.  Baby from Dragon Ball GT  teaches us that people who were treated unfairly (through oppression) will come back to take revenge against those who oppressed them – even going as far as hunting down and killing innocent people if they have to.

Dragon Ball Super with the Tournament of Power arc is no different.  There are valuable lessons to be taught about that arc, one that is obvious and yet – it’s the most important lesson.  In order to achieve what you want, emotions need to be put aside.

In episode whatever it was in Super (I’m drunk: I don’t feel like looking it up), Majin Buu succumb to his deep sleeping habits; putting him out of action for two months.  Thing is, it would have been okay for Majin Buu to take a two months break from combat…if he wasn’t a team member of Universe 7, and the existence of their universe was at risk of being destroyed by Zeno-Sama.  With their ranks shorten, Team Universe 7 had two options:

  1. Find a replacement for Majin Buu
  2. Operate at a loss and/or risk destruction

Logically, Team Universe 7 should have put Majin  Buu in the Time Chamber (Room of Spirit and Time for your purist elitist weeaboos) but logic doesn’ work in anime. While everyone else was in a panic, Goku came up with an ideal replacement for Majin Buu: Lord Frieza – mortal enemy of the Z Warriors.

The Z Warrirors weren’t happy with Goku’s suggestion.  They had every right to.  Krillin and Vegeta were murdered by him.  Piccolo’s race and home planet was destroyed by the cruel tyrant.   Plus, Frieza’s a snake.  Who knows what kinda of shit Frieza would pull on the Z Warrriors if given the chance.  If he wanted to, Frieza could had kill members of Unvierse 7 for shits and giggles.  (Un)forutnetly for Team Universe 7, Freiza’s an asset to their surivivial.  Yes, Frieza did horrible things to Z Warrrios and caused suffering to the unviersse.  But what’s worse; Having a powerful, yet psychopathic warrior on your side who can get the job done with ease or losing your exsitance because you got emotional over somebody you don’t like?

I thought so.

In dire situtaitons, you have to put aside your emotions and focus on the ultimate goal.  Emotions are great.  They make us humans.  They drive us to do amazing things.  But emotions can fuck you up if you can’t control them.   Let’s look at what happen to Lerbron James during the 2018 NBA Finals.  Game 1.  He got in his feelings over a teammate’s mistake.  He gave into them and got swept by The Golden State Warriors.

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What would had happen to Universe 7 if they gotten emotional over Frieza’s includcion to their team?  You might say “But Ben, they could had went with Yamcha instead or maybe even Cell!” You’re right.  They could had went with Yamcha or Cell.  But Yamcha would had gotten slaughter within the first five seconds of the tournament.  And Cell doesn’t give Toei Animation enough money like Frieza in terms of product sales.

Don’t get emotional when trying to hit your targets.

Cosplay 4

Competition in Cosplay: What’s So Bad About It?

“Competition” is a dirty word in the world of cosplay. It scares and angers some; as they dread the idea of “elitists” approaching cosplay with such a mindset. Recently, I came across a tweet by @0Becki expressing concern towards those with this mentality.  They felt that cosplay is a hobby and not a competition, that they should share tips with others, and they should hang out with cosplayers (who are cosplaying as the same character).

I’ve mixed feelings about this.  I agree; cosplay is a hobby. People should share tips, be friendly,  and help others.   But they aren’t entitled to do such things.  People have the right to be competitive with their passion. Competition is natural in any field.  Competitive cosplayers enjoy it as it pushes them to work hard on their skills and talent to become the best. As long as it’s not toxic, competition isn’t bad.

We need competitive cosplayers.

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Competitive cosplayers have the driving need to win and outperform everyone else in the niche.  To them, every little detail matters to ensure victory. The perfect wig.  Professional grade makeup. The exact color contact lens.  Superior craftsmanship. They have no tolerance for error. It’s the difference between being just a cosplayer and becoming the cosplayer. First place or second place in a cosplay contest.  And trust me: nobody remembers the second place winner.  For the hobbyist cosplayer, this might be hard to understand.  That’s okay: you lack the competitor’s spirit.  Unless they attack you, don’t hate on these people.

It’s who they are – they can’t help it.

It’s funny how hobbyist cosplayers get angry at the “elitists” for their competitiveness.  Yet, they love these high-performing manga artists, ruthless anime directors, passionate game designers, what have you.  Why it’s okay to praise those people for their high levels of desire and drive but it’s wrong for cosplayers to act the same?

You’re a hypocrite if you praise one group but shame another for the same thing.

Competition is great.  It drives others to better themselves.  It forces you to become innovating.  It encourages change. If a cosplayer above your skill level trashes your cosplay, instead of being mad and pissed, use that as inspiration to prove them wrong and better your cosplay.

They talk shit about your wig (or lack of)? Buy a high-quality wig. A snobby cosplayer thinks your skirt for your cosplay is trash?  Hire the best seamstress in your community to make you one better to prove that asshole wrong.  Better yet, study the best cosplayers in your community and learn how they won rewards, got their fame, and so forth.  Use that anger, the power of the dark side as you will, to better your cosplay game so that one day, nobody will ever talk shit about your cosplay again.

Or beat their ass.  I don’t care.

REVERSAL:  Not everyone is competitive.  Hobbyist cosplayers far outnumber the competitive.  I’m not telling you to be humble or lower your standards, but keep in mind that your attitude could offend – thus furthering tainting the cosplay community. It can also ruin your reputation, which you must guard with your life.   To quote Robert Greene’s 48 Laws of Power: ‘Know who you’re dealing with – do not offend the wrong person.’ and ‘Think as you like but behave like others.’

Yes, be competitive but only compete with those at or above your skill level.  Simply acting arrogant and prideful towards those below your skill level will only stir up hatred and anxiety against you.  Nobody will want to work or be around you if your attitude is nasty.

If you know a group of cosplayers are having fun, don’t ruin it for them.  Suggest ways to help them improve their cosplay skills in a friendly, loving tone.  Don’t mock a cosplayer for something they can’t control (such as race, color tone, gender,  disabilities, etc.). Remember: you too were once a hobbyist cosplayer who didn’t know any better. So spread the knowledge (but not too much of it)

Sometimes, it’s better to feared than loved.  Sometimes, it’s better to be loved than hated.

Cover image source:
https://www.kotaku.com.au/2015/09/australias-best-cosplayer-will-win-this-sexy-golden-dragon/

Uncategorized 0

Death Grounds: Anime Expo

30 days.  30 days until I need to get my shit together for Anime Expo. 30 days to structure my perfect battle plan. 30 days to mentally prep for the largest convention I have attended yet.  30 days of disciplining myself when it comes to money management. 30 days to get things right or lose everything I desired for my brand and personal growth – for at least a year.  30 days isn’t enough time when you’re planning out big moves. But you best use those days wisely.

I’m on death grounds.

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What is death grounds?  Death Grounds is a warfare strategy use as a reaction to desperation tactics in the face of not defeat – but death.   It’s based on Sun Tzu (author of The Art of War) desperate ground, which he defines as follows:

‘When you have the enemy’s strongholds on your rare, and narrow passes in front, it is hemmed-in ground.  When there is no place of refuge at all, it is desperate ground.’

In short, when pushed against a corner, an army must go all out to survive. If they don’t, they’ll be slaughtered by the opposition.  Failure isn’t an option.

It’s kill or be killed.

I know I’m coming off as dramatic over plans for a nerd convention, but put yourself in my shoes. Since Fall of 2017, I’ve been planning and going around telling my peers that I’m going to Anime Expo.  I’ve invested $350 on a plane ticket. I saved up $440 for my share of the hotel cost.  I invested $475 on an AX Premier Fan pass (a fancy way of saying VIP pass to avoid the long lines).  I’m ordering pieces for my Monika cosplay this week (only because I made a drunken post on social media stating that I’m doing a genderswap cosplay of her) which will run me around $150. Too much money has gone towards this trip for me not to go.

When you invested money into something, you better fucking make sure it happens.

I must gather my resources, wits, tools, and wisdom together to make it out to AX.  I either get to kill it at Anime Expo and achieve a milestone for my brand or die.  Of course, there’s next year, but let’s say if I miss out on this year’s AX.  I run the risk of losing opportunities this year I will never get next year.  There’s an influential guest or person at this year’s AX I could have met who could help me get to the next level.  He or she won’t be at any conventions again in their career.  I missed out on that network.  Death. Worse, I miss out on AX this year and a few weeks after the event, I die.  Death.

Scary, huh?

Here’s something scarier: Allowing myself to be on  Death Grounds is fun. It’s a lot of pressure, but it’s fun.  I guess it’s my borderline masochist nature, but I find it motivating. Why? Because I want to see the end results of this 10 months of planning. . All my shit talking,  planning, and performing massive action must pay off.  I can’t fuck up now.  In fact, there are no fuck ups allowed on death grounds.

Either you win or die.

 

Nerd Culture 2

Are Nerds Trendsetters? (Freewrite)

Yuki’s Note: This is unorganized and I probably got a few things wrong about nerd culture in the mainstream.  Whoops. 

I love scrolling through my Facebook feed and seeing ads from companies such as Sugoi Shirts and Kaomoji.  Seeing their flamboyant Japanese street fashion inspired clothing makes me smile at the expense of my wallet.  But who cares as long as it could make me look good. I just wanna rock a fuckin’ shirt with an anime girl with a censor bar across her eyes in public!  It just makes me feel good about myself and feeds my ever growing ego. But man, who would imagine vendors online selling stylish and fashionable weeaboo shirts on Facebook?

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Nerds have come a long way since the darker days of our passion when we were shamed for simply enjoying our nerd culture.  If I were to wear my weeaboo attire 20 years ago, people would mock me.  Today? People (for the most part) tend to mind their business.  Shit, just the other day,  when I  went to my local head shop the store clerk saw my shirt and we started talking about Fate series for a few minutes (he thought my sunglasses were something based off Fate).  It was a lovely chat until he said that Rin was the worse girl in the Fate series and that Saber was the best.

I ain’t never going back to that headshop.

Anyway, you wanted to catch a superhero movie in full cosplay back in 1996 and you were over the age of 13?  You got roasted!  Now it’s the norm for people to cosplay as their favorite Marvel or DC superhero at opening night. If there was a nerd in a TV show, they were the laughing stock loser who never get the woman.  They never got anywhere.  But shows such as Silicon Valley has ended the stereotype that nerds are losers and that their hobbies won’t get them anywhere.  I gotta say, this is the golden era of the nerd.

Everything that I’ve mentioned above now leads me to this question: Are nerds trendsetters?

The obvious question is yes, of course.  In fact, I even answered the question my self.  So leave my page.  I want to say that, but I do enjoy going deeper with my theories and exploring them. We (well, I) have come up with the conclusion that nerds are trendsetters.  But why?  Why are us nerds trendsetters, and how can we take advantage of this before the inevitable nerd bubble breaks and we’re back to being shoved into lockers and having our lunch money stolen by the jocks (well, you weak nerds are getting shoved into the lockers, I’m knocking anyone out who tries to do that to me).

This is my theory:

People were tired of the old shit and wanted something new.   Everyone and their moms love reality TV, watching sports, drinking at the local bar, what have you.  Meanwhile, the nerds were in the background; creating and working on their passion. We spent our time inside, communicating with our peers, showcasing our talent online.  As time went on and technology advance bringing the advent of social media people were started to take notice of the group they once shunned away: The Nerd.

Social media lead the way for nerds to showcase their creative talent (although we’ve been doing this shit years and years  before that came along through online forums, blogs, etc.) As more people gain access to the internet, the more nerds were given exposure.  Yes, there were TV channels such as the Sci-Fi Channel, Tech TV, and g4, but they were only viewed by their niche target market.

Now?  Well, I mean they’re still being watched by their niche market, but the normies are getting into them as well.   Oh and g4 is dead.  So perhaps that doesn’t count.  Shows that were once for nerds with cahs (meaning they could afford internet and cable packages) are available through streaming services such as Hulu, Crunchyroll, Netflix, etc..   The video game industry makes more than the movie industry.   Anime is…catching up.  It still has a some catching up to do, but with anime (slowly) creeping into the mainstream, I say it won’t be long until anime in the West is treated like film.

It’s funny to think about how nerds are shaping things up.  We’re like rockstars (almost).  Seriously.  Go on YouTube right now and you see that some of the top YouTubers are people talking about video games or streaming themselves playing games.  Two decades ago folks would scream at nerds that playing games isn’t a real career.   Today? Playing video games and screaming at a game for hours on end is considered a real job. Of course, you have those normies who think that isn’t a real career, but they’re just mad that they’re slaving away at some corporate or labor gig they hate while the nerds they used to bully are making hunder of thousands of dollars playing video games.

So, to anwser my own question: Yes. Nerds are trendsetters.

 

Freewriting 0

Playing The Long Game As A Nerd (Freewrite)

 

“You still watching Dragon Ball Z, nigga?  Grow up!”
“Stop acting white! You’re too old to watch cartoons!”
“Go get some pussy and stop playing video games!”

Growing up as a (black) nerd in a backward ass Midwestern city was rough (in the early 2000s). Throughout middle and high school if you had nerdy interests, you were deemed a loser amongst your peers.   Nobody (outside your fellow outcasted nerds) wanted to fuck with you.  You were bullied, teased, and taunted for your nerdy passion.  I too dealt with my fair share of bullshit from normies who didn’t have the balls to step out of their comfort zone; unlike us nerds who didn’t fuck with that fitting in shit.

I still remember how my normie peers would tell me how being a nerd was uncool and that I need to grow up.  They claimed that video games and anime would never get me pussy, popularity, or money.  Of course, they were wrong.  Hell, even with my near grandiose levels of ego, I knew they were wrong. Mainly because  I spent my free-time shit posting and trolling gaming and anime forums communicating with older nerds who went through the same shit I was going through back then.   Many of them had wives, families, money, and status at their jobs.  Some even talked about how they hooked up with an equally nerdy chick or a dude at comic and anime conventions.

I mean shit, I looked up to Bill Gates when I in middle and high school.  Here was a nigga that  was a total nerd in his school days.  Was bullied for being a nerd, spent his weekends working on computers for 40 hours while everyone else was partying and doing stupid, unproductive shit. He played the long game with his brand and within a few decades, he became the richest men in the world.

So much for nerds being losers.

Reading about Bill Gates’s success (as well as the success of older nerds online) made me realize this at a young age:  If I’m going to dedicate my life to being a nerd and building something for myself off it,  then I better play the long game. I just knew deep down that nerd culture was going to be popular.  I just had this gut feeling that nerds and geeks in America will stop being bullied.  That we were going to be trendsetters. Game changers.  The dominant culture in entertainment (The Big Bang Theory doesn’t fuckin’ count).

At the turn of this decade (the 2010s),  my vision was coming true (for the nerd community). Blockbuster superhero movies were the norm.  Video games were treated as a respectful, valued form of entertainment.  Anime (and otaku culture) was accepted.  Anime and video game clubs were poppin’ up in high schools across America.  While nerds were still being bullied, it was happening far less often then decades past.  Kids were free to wear their favorite anime or superhero shirt without fear of being teased or mock.  Conventions were getting mainstream attention.  Being a nerd was now consider cool.

Playing my first long game paid off.

Playing the long game with your passion isn’t easy.  Do not think you won’t face difficulties as a player of the long game.  You are fuckin’ stupid and clueless if you think there no errors or hardships with the long game.  You will have people talk to out of your passion (as they do not see nor understand your vision).   You will get called weird, mad, goofy, insane, whatever your hopeless, average, bottom feeders peers will throw up in your face.  As a player of the long game, you need to block those people out.  Cut them out of your lives even.   Link up with other people who share your passion and understand that success takes years to achieve instead.

How do you play the long game as a nerd?  Simple: Pick something you’re passionate about.  You love vlogging about the latest episodes of mainstream anime?  Good.  Stick with it for a few years. Do you find joy in making others happy when you play video game music on your violin?  Perfect.  Keep it up for years and years on end.  Don’t expect success to come overnight.  If you do, quit right now.  You ain’t cut out for the long game.

To those still bitter about the past and how nerd culture is now popular: Good.  Stay mad.  I need bitter ass suckers like you so I don’t have to worry about fighting other nerds to get that number one spot and dominate and intimidate everyone in the culture one day. Keep being miserable.

For the normies who made fun of nerds and are only on the nerd train cuz it’s popular: Thanks for being suckers!  I look forward to making money and build my brand off yall niggas.

For the rest of us nerds who are taking advantage of this trend: Play hard.  Work hard.  Success is ours for the taking.

Doki Doki Literature Club 0

Yuki’s Path to Doki Doki Literature Club’s Good Ending – Round 1: Sayori

You know, I truly believe that you can earn your happy ending in life – but only if you work and grind your ass off for it.  Video games (with multiple endings) drive this point home hard.  If you truly want that happy ending, then you have to go through hell to obtain it.  Doki Doki Literature Club is no expectation.  In order to get the game’s true/golden ending, we gotta go through hell first.  Well, okay we already went through hell once.  Let’s do it again.

‘Paradise starts in hell.’
-Tim Grover

To start, I’m going to tackle Sayori’s route first.  There’s a CG I have yet to obtain (at the time of this writing) from her route.   Plus, her cheerful attitude grown on me.  The too pure cinnamon bun thing, ya know?  Also, gonna name myself after my PC (“OWNER) to see if Monika detects that lol.

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I’m still mad at this bullshit.

Let me say this: Thank god for the skip text option.  Because fuck; I ain’t spending another two hours of my life reading all that bullshit in her route.  For some situations, I did read some of her lines and what others have to say about Sayori.  It’s strange: when you consume media for the first time, you do not pick up on the subtle clues the creator(s) hid within the art.  It’s only when you consume and experience it multiple times is when you start to pick up on the things that were once hidden.  Seeing how Sayori wanted to cheer everyone up to hide her depression and pain not only made sense, it was heartbreaking.

Monika mentioned that it was surprising to read Sayori’s poems on the topic of sadness as it was opposite to her normal cheerful personality.  Saying the obvious (Sayori conceals her depression from the club) is stupid so I won’t go into those details.  It does make you think about the people in your lives who are always happy and want to cheer everyone up.

Are they truly happy, or is their happiness a mask to hide their pain to make people not worry about them?

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“I could sleep forever.” That was the first clue.

Skipping through the dialogue I came across one of the two most important choices I need to make for this route: Would I rather walk back home with Sayori or Yuri.  In my original walkthrough, I selected Yuri (personal bias).  That was one of the catalyze that worsen Sayori’s depression.  In retrospect, I can understand how that fucked with Sayori’s head. I am not a mental health expert or anything, but seeing how Sayori reacted to that, I can only guess that she felt that she was a burden to the MC as well as her feeling worthless.  She probably started to overthink the situation and believed MC was pushing her away to hang out with Yuri (or any other club member).  Again, I do not know if that how depression works.

 

If anyone could be kind enough to correct me let me know.

I went with the “I’d still walk with Sayori” option.  I think I’m doing well.  I hope.  The third round of poem writing seems to get harder. The dark and depressing words seem to relate to Yuri more than Sayori, but I still got reactions from Sayori.  I’m starting to think the game knows I’m save scumming lol.    The day after, the club starts to prep for the festival.  Sayori is sitting alone as normal with her head bury in her desk.

At this point, you can sense that her depression is hitting harder as she once again does her façade of trying to make her crew not worry about her.  Perhaps it is because I am more in tune with my emotional/creative side of my brain, but I can’t help but feel bad about her and think about my friends who are battling depression.  Honestly, that shit breaks my heart and I feel helpless when I can’t help my friends feel better about themselves because of how cruel mental health illnesses are.

Maybe that’s why her character has grown on me on this second playthrough. Ha.

You know you’re dedicated to getting a good end when you panic and freak out thinking you fucked up.  When the MC goes to  Sayori house to check up on her, I started to think “Oh shit I made a mistake this is the suicide scene!”.  Then I remember that scene came a little bit later in the game so I still have time to do my save scum shit.  But nah, the first time MC goes over to Sayori’s house, she reveals that she has lifelong depression.

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This could be fate or just by chance, but I had my hip-hop instrumental playlist playing in the background.  The next song in the cycle was 2pac’s Pain from the movie Above The Rim. Fitting.  Sayori dealt with (mental) pain all her life.  We’re now seeing her tell her best friend about it.  There’s a sample from one of the Star Trek movies that are used in Pain.  I think it goes: “‘I couldn’t help but noticed your pain!’” “’My pain?’” “’It runs deep – share it with me!’”

(If I could get away with it, I would make a music mod of DDLC that uses 90s hip-hop music.  Pain would be perfect for Sayori revealing her depression to MC).

‘Why do we die at an early age?
‘Why there’s so much pain?’
‘Tired of the strain and the pain’

Yea.  Those lines work well with DDLC.

For preparations for the festival, I selected Natsuki to help me out .  I have yet to have any interactions with me from my first run through so I thought it would be best to check her shit out.  But since this is a Sayori-centric path, I’m gonna save my notes/thoughts on Natsuki for her path.  I do like Natsuki’s softer side though and she seems mellower than what she puts out on the surface.   Mellow Natsuki best Natsuki.

(I will like to say that the instrumental of Drake’s “Pound Cake” goes well with the baking scene between MC and Natsuki. Yes. Puns were intended.)

Now, finally, I arrived at the single most important point of this path; Telling Sayori if I love her or if I should put her in the friend zone.  In a normal run-through (without a guide), either decision led to Sayori’s suicide.  In that regard, telling Sayori you love her only to have her kill herself the next day hurts harder than simply telling her that she is your best friend.  Pretty fucked honestly.  In any case, I manage to unlock two CGs I needed for this path for the golden ending so I’m gonna dip out.

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Next: Natsuki.

 

Doki Doki Literature Club 0

Yuki’s Doki Literature Club Adventures: Act 4 – Bad Ending (Freewrite)

‘This game will not have a happy ending.’
-Bernkastel, Umineko no Naku Koro ni

Major Spoilers: I lied.  Sayori is the final boss.
Warning: You should already know by now I play this game and write about it drunk.

I was warned that DDLC wouldn’t have a happy ending.  I shouldn’t sweat it too much; given I’m a fan of Umineko no Naku Koro ni: A 07th Expansion visual novel that too didn’t end happily.  The first half of my favorite Fire Emblem game, Fire Emblem 4: Genealogy of the Holy War, also didn’t end well.  And my favorite Persona game, Persona 3, had a depressing ending.  (Jesus fuck, maybe I’m secretly sad that’s why I like downer endings) Did I spoil myself on the bad ending for DDLC?  Yes.  But, I think by spoiling it, it drove me to finish the game (to see how sad and depressing the game ending is).  To tell the truth, I love it when consumer media concludes with a downer ending.  The happy ending thing is played out.  Fuck that happier ever happy shit.

Sometimes, you need a reminder of how brutal and unfair life can be.

 

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The movie been out for almost a month.  Don’t bitch about this spoiler.

 

After killing Monika I restarted the game.  It started as normal, expect Monika isn’t on the title screen.  Yay!  The wicked bitch is dead!  The game resume starting with act 1 like nothing happened expect the recently revived Sayori is now the president….Shes’ gonna be self-aware like Monika, isn’t she?

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In any case, MC  — rather, the player – joins the Literature Club.  Given Sayori’s position on the screen, she is the club’s president.  Yuri is on her left, so I’m assuming she retains her vice-president role.  The BGM is the title screen music.  Ya know, with the piano playing the melody.  Didn’t Monika play the piano?  Hold up…

Sayori gets all happy that the MC has joined her club.  You know, it’s kinda depressing:  Sayori is happy  Everyone is acting normal like they didn’t go through the chaos from Monika. Yet, we the players knew what these girls went through.  We know what is to come.  And there’s nothing we can do about it.

Sucks, doesn’t it?

As the girls celebrate the formation of the club, I couldn’t help but notice how more friendly Natsuki and Yuri are towards each other.  In Act 2 they were at each other throats, belittling one another and judging their hobbies.  In Act 4 however, they seem to respect one another, with Yuri wanting to learn more about manga and Natsuki wanting to learn about novel through Yuri.  What did I say in my Act 2 Part 2 writings?  Natsuki and Yuri could get along and become close friends – best friends even.

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(To tell the truth, I’d love to see a mod or a non-h doujin with  Natsuki and Yuri as they form a powerful bond. Natsuki could help Yuri overcome her fears, become more confident with herself, and fight her bullies. Yuri could help Natsuki learning about the arts.)

As MC and Sayori speak about how fun the club will become, Sayori thanks me (not MC), for getting rid of Monika.  I start to freak out as I’m still drunk from writing my Act 3 shit and the music becomes creepy and distorted.  Doesn’t help that  I’m wearing earbuds that are programmed to be bass boasted.

I made a terrible mistake, haven’t I?

I’m prepping myself for any jump scares or freaky shit so I may become sober as we get deep into this post.  Which probably is a catch 22 because Sayori revealed that she knew Monika did all the horrible things she did to the girls and the player.  She talks about how MCI made her the happiest girl in the world…hold up, didn’t Monika said some shit like this as well?  Please don’t tell me I gotta deal with another murderous nutjob girl who trying to get with the MC. I already had enough of that bullshit for one play through.

 

Sigh…do I have to delete another yandere bitch?   To quote a 90s Nickelodeon co-star “Awww here it goes!”

I’m sure the game knows I don’t wanna go through this bullshit again because the first choice of this act is “No.” Thank you game, I appreciate you.  Sayori’s spelling out “FOREVER” was creeping me the fuck out.   Hold up,  the game isn’t saving me…it’s Monika.

 

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Even this game was like “Yea no let’s not go through any more bullshit.”

 

 

Monika starts to hakai Sayori, the club, and the entire game.   After that, she starts to sing the game’s ending theme and the credits roll.  Apparently, I’m missing a few CG shots (given I have yet to tackle the Natsuki route and I didn’t fucking save scum).  Sigh…fuckin’ bad endings.

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Continued in Yuki’s Revenge Against This Fuckin’ Entry Level VN.

 

 

Doki Doki Literature Club 0

Yuki’s Doki Doki Literature Club Adventures Act 3 (Freewrite)

Warning: Major spoilers for the finale of Act 2 and 3. Yuri dies.  Natsuki’s dad uses her as a punching bag. Sayori comes back to life. Monika is the final boss.  Gory imagery of your dead  visual novel waifu decaying below.  Adult themes.  Written under the influence of alcohol.

To my fellow Yuri fans; we got shitted on.  Boy, we got shitted on.  Bad enough she got brainwashed by Monika and was driven to “suicide”  by her  Bad enough we gotta see her bloody body.  But did Dan really have to make us watch her body decay for three days (in game)?  Real nigga shit, for 5-10 minutes we see Yuri body fuckin’ decay while Monika basically taunts us talkin’ about how happy she is to have friends in her club and shit.  I mean, me personally, my fucked up  in the head ass would made Yuri body bloated and do the whole rigor mortis super realistically with the CG art, so I can’t really talk shit. But still, I didn’t wanna see that shit.

…okay I actually didn’t see most of the decaying scene.  I got bored and decided to roll up a blunt cuz that shit was taking too long.

I do have  a few  questions though.  How the fuck did MC survive 2-3 days without food or water while he was trapped in the classroom with Yuri’s body?  How did this nigga not go insane?  He watched his homegirl kill herself and rot in front of his eyes.  I’m sure anyone would had gone crazy seeing that shit. Also why didn’t he call anyone up and tell them what happened?  I understand he was in shock but after a while you would figure he could made a few phone calls.

Eh, it’s video game logic let me not think about it too much.

The weekend came and gone and MC is still trapped in the school with Yuri’s body.  I wonder if he started to eat parts of her body to live.  I mean, when you need to survive and there’s no other source of food… Okay, that’s  fucked up.  Natsuki come up to the club room to prep for the festivial with the reminidng  living  crew.  She spots MC and is surprise that he arrived earlier than her.  A few days earlier but still early.    As Natsuki is about to prep (for the festival) she sees Yuri’s body and starts to freak out.  She also starts to vomit because…yeah, rotting dead body.

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Now, I ain’t a forensic nigga, but wouldn’t you think Natsuki would had smelt Yuri’s body before she got into the classroom?  She goes in the clasrom carefree and doesn’t smell anything until she hits the classroom.  I ain’t gonna look that shit up cuz I don’t want Google to think I’m some serial killer or anything but still, science and everything.   Natsuki starts to run away and Monika enters the classroom.  She wonders why Natsuki was screaming and runnin’, sees Yuri’s body and put two and two together.  Instead of freaking out and/or asking questions Monika simply says “Well, that’s a shame.”

Monika is a fuckin’ psychopath.   Or sociopath.  Whatever. I ain’t a psychologist.

Monika admits that she was screwing around with the game’s script and by doing so, she forgot to let MC escape the room.  Thanks.  Your jealously and murderous intent caused this man to have irrssevial psychological damage. Good job.  As Monika conitutne to brag about her failure she erased Natsuki and the remains of Yuri like she’s a Dragon Ball Super God of Destruction.  You know, I wanna see Monika dressed like a God of Destruction.  She’ll be a perfect fit for Universe 3 given it’s an universe heavily focoued on the advancement of technology (with her being an AI program).

e0c

Monika talks about how it’s the last time she’ll get to fuck around with the script or something and things get weird.  The game glitches out.  The classroom changes to this sinster shit in outer space or something I don’t know I’m too drunk to describe it.  Monika is happy to see me – not the MC – me.  I tried to save the game but Monika doesn’t allow it because she ain’t going anywhere.  Joy.

Is this consider the  end game?  Did I beat the game?  I was hoping so cuz I had to work in a few hours (at the time I played this act) and I didn’t wanna deal with this jealous murderous chick and her trying to get into my personal life.  First, she asked if my name was really “YourName”.  In my head, I’m thinking “no you goofy bitch I was trying to see if the game would pick up on me dicking around and naming myself ‘Your Name” when it asked me to enter your name.  Then she asked if I go by “Owner”.
 

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Chill I ain’t into that kinda shit.

 

Monika, look.  I get you’re in love with the player/me. I get that you may have some kinks like any other normal person. But  I am not into pet play or that owner shit.  If you’re trying to find a someone to entertain your fetishes I ain’t the one cuz that’s some white people shit. I mean it’s cool to like guys older than you. I myself have a thing for older women.  Older women who won’t fuckin’ kill people out of jealously, mind you.

Then I remember that my my laptop is named “Owner”. Whelp!

Monika starts to admit that she made the other girls go crazy in  an attempt to get in the player’s pants.  She brags about making Sayori’s depression worse in order to make the poor girl commit suicide.  Monika didn’t mean to, but shit happens. I understand.  But real shit that’s fucked up.  She also brags aboutt  corrupting Yuri’s obbessive personality.  Therefore, it lead her to kill herself. The girls starts to bitch about how lonely she is (you’re a murderer I can see why nobody wanna be around you) and how much it sucked that the other girls were programmed to fall in love with me while she just sit and watched.

Okay.  Real nigga shit: If you were Monika and you know you were an AI who could  control their fate, wouldn’t you just went ahead and make yourself known in the first place? Make yourself the perfect girl for the player. So perfect that he would have to choose you over the other girls.

Oh wait, Monika’s a fuckin’ idiot nevermind.

 

I almost feel bad for Monika.  Almost.  She didn’t chose to be born a program.  She didn’t choose to live in an artifical world.  Then again, she is also manipulative as fuck so I don’t truly feel sorry for her.  She show me a poem she wrote about an happy ending which would had been sweet and cute but you know: the whole trapped in the room of inifinty thing.   Monika then asks if I know any artists who could draw her in some casual clothes (given she only wear her school clothes).

Well, there are artist out there but they usually draw Monika without any clothes. You can go search for that I ain’t gonna help you out,

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After showing me her poem and her talkin’ she ask that she should look into each other eyes since we have nothing better do to in her world.  That’s really fuckin’ boring.  For real, I ain’t gonna fuckin’ stare at a fuckin’ piece of anime art for horus on end.

Apperently if you wait a while Monika reveals a few things about herself (she loves animals), the girls (such as Yuri sneaking wine into the school through her purse), and  the world she lives in. But like I said, I had money to make and I doubt my boss would be happy that I cameo work late over a fuckin’ video game so I had to delete Monika.

So I did.  I closed the game, deleted Monika and restarted it.  Monika gets all mad and everything like I did something wrong (because erasing her was a worse crime than her murdering three innocent people).  She confessed that she loved me and will always love me.  To show her love, she brought the other girls back to life.  Yay.

Me personally?  I don’t love Monika.  Fuck Monika.

“She said ‘do you love me?’ I tell her ‘only partly’ I only love my bed and my momma, I’m sorry.”

-Drake, God’s Plan

Continued in Act 4.

 

AFTERWORD

Me: “Man, fuck Monika!”
Also me:
supreme_monika.png

books 0

Backside of Our Desires (Freewrite)

Recently I started reading Relentless: From Good, To Great,  To Unstoppable by Tim Grover (athletic trainer for iconic basketball players such as Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant) after months of the book sitting on my dresser.  Skimming through the table of contents I found a chapter that took my attention.  The chapter: “When You’re a Cleaner… …You Have a Dark Side That Refuses to be Good”.  I went straight to that chapter (as I  know I have a dark side and comfortable with that), yearning to understand why it’s okay to have one.

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The chapter opens up with Tim saying this: ‘A cooler tries to fight his dark side and loses.  A closer acknowledges his dark side but isn’t able to control it.  A cleaner harnesses his dark side into raw, controlled power.’  While I simply nodded and smile (a twisted smile at that), I started to laugh a bit. ‘What kinda Persona 2, 4, and 5 type shit is this?’ I asked myself.  I mean, I doubt Tim Grover is a gamer nor does he gives a fuck about video games, but I couldn’t help to think about the Persona series when reading the chapter.  In Persona 2, 4, and 5, you encounter the “Shadow Self” of the heroes.

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Simply put, the Shadow Self is the “corrupted’ version of a character. It is their hidden desires and thoughts they do not want the world to see.  Domination.  Revenge.  Anger.  Jealously. Lust.  Pride. Hatred.  You name it.  It is the character true self. Yukiko (Persona 4) secretly wants to be liberated from her duties as heir of her family’s business.  That’s her true self.  Maya’s (Persona 2) anger towards her childhood friends.  That’s how she actually feels about the situation that happened to her (as a child).  There’s nothing wrong with them.  It’s just their repressed feelings they have yet to deal with.    We felt those dark feelings often and there’s nothing wrong with it. What’s wrong is if we let those feelings control us – not the other way around (or worse, if we try to fight them).

 

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Shadow Maya

 

It is said that if anyone tries to deny their shadow self in the Shadow world, their shadow will become enraged and kill the person.  In short, they’re coolers. Adachi (Persona 4) knew he had a dark side and rather than control it, the darkness in his heart lead to the murders of two innocent women (and it almost caused the destruction of the world).  He’s a closer.   Yukiko however, came to terms to her dark desires and understood those feelings shouldn’t be demonized.   Because Yukiko accepted her dark feelings (rather than denying them) , her shadow manifested into raw, controlled power (her Persona) – which she would use to save the world with her friends.

Yukiko is a cleaner.

 

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Shadow Yukiko and Normal Yukiko

 

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Be real with yourself and don’t bullshit me: You have dark desires that you don’t want the world to know.  It’s oaky.  Those desires do not make you a horrible human being (as long as they’re not unethical, illegal, etc.).  You want power and control?  That’s okay.  So do I and many other people in this world.  You wish to dominate in your niche and be the baddest man or woman in it?  Same here man.  Had wrong doings against you or those you love and you want the people responsible to suffer for it?

Me too.

Since I’m on that topic, let’s take Futaba (Persona 5) for example.  Her Shadow self was rooted in her desire to confirm that her mother was murdered (rather than committing suicide as originally reported).  Futaba lusted for revenge against the people who murdered her mom.  Futaba was going to kill herself (over the grief and stress of losing her mom) until her shadow talked her out of it and  told her that she has friends who love and support her.   How could Futaba get revenge against the people who killed her mom if she had offed herself?  Upon accepting her true feelings of wanting revenge Futaba became a cleaner.

 

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Shadow Futaba and Normal Futaba

 
Now, do you see how there’s nothing wrong with having a dark side? A shadow?  Your shadow self should be used as a positive.

You were used! They forged her suicide note nad laid the blame of her death upon you! They trampled all over your young heart!  Get mad! Don’t forgive those rotten adults!”

-Shadow Futaba

NOTES:
Coolers: Your average guys.  They get job done at a simple, everyman level.  Your 9-to-5ers basically.
Closers: Those who go up and beyond just a little bit.  They may do a little bit extra than the average guy, but won’t go far when face with issues that they can’t handle

Closers: Your top/god tier men and women.  They do not fear pressure, advisesity, or problems.  In fact, they love them.  They are willing and able to dominate in any situation even if the situation is filled with problems without error.

Shadow Yukiko art source:
https://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=3428393

(Three years later I’m still mad Shadow Futaba’s white/Asian/what the fuck her race is ass dressed up like an Egyptian lmfao)