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I Wish I Knew How to Draw (Freewrite)

Monika’s desires in Doki Doki Literature Club are clearly rooted in jealousy.  She is merely a (self-aware) spectator who watches her (scripted) friends fall in love and live a normal school life.  Meanwhile, she cannot do anything, as she knows her role as a program.  Despite such a situation, she falls in love with the main character (more so the player) but knows she could never get with them.  Therefore, she plots against her friends – murdering them one by one – in order to trap the hero and force them to love her.

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As I play DDLC and see Monika’s growth as a jealous villain, I’m reminded of another character that was driven by jealousy and love: Kain of Final Fantasy 4.  Like Monika, Kain grew jealous of his friend (Cecil) over the fact that Cecil was in a relationship with the heroine, Rosa. Kain was in (unrequited) love with her.  Kain grew hatred towards Cecil; plotting to kill him to get with Rosa. Kain failed, however (as his emotions were manipulative by the game’s villain).

 

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Kain Simpwind

 

“Monika is like Kain.  Fuck I wish I knew how to draw.”  I told myself as I reached Monika’s villain reveal in DDLC.  As she explains her reasoning behind her action, I started to imagine if I had visual artistic talents how I would draw Monika as Kain.  Have her in Kain’s Draagoon armor and her holding a lance (with the tip coated in green to symbolize her jealous nature).

Monika Highwind.  I think that could work.

For years, I had this wish that I could draw.  I used to be envious of my friends who could draw.  Our friends would surround the artist of the group as they reveal their last work. I played the violin, but you couldn’t just whip out a violin in the middle of class and play it.  So I wasn’t able to showcase my talents.  I tried my hand at drawing and even asking my artistic “friend” for help.  He just laughed and told me I’d never become a great artist.  Sadly,I took that to heart and quit drawing ever since (gotta love toxic friends).

As the years gone by, I regretted not sticking with improving my visual art skills.  Yea, I would have suck back in 2004, but in 2018? Perhaps I could done something fantastic with my skills.  Right now, I’m kicking myself for listening to said “friend”.  For those who don’t know, I’m working on re-hacking a Fire Emblem 4 romhack that uses Touhou characters.

As I’m testing the hack, I’m having visions of the action in-game.  I want to draw these visions.  Visions of Reimu and Sigurd having a friendly chat.  Marisa crying as Alice is struck down dead.  Kaguya and Mokou attempting to kill each other with their respective Holy Weapons.  Plus, it’ll make for great promotion for the romhack.

If there is something you’ve been wishing you could be doing, don’t delay.  Get on that shit today.  Don’t let others discourage you from taking action.  If you ask your talented friend for advice and they just belittle you, end that friendship right then and there.  They mean you no good and they do not wish for your success at all.

Just things I wish I would have known when I was younger.

 

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“It’s the Journey, not the Destination”: A Phase by Losers, for Losers (Freewrite)

Whoever coined the phrase “It’s the journey, not the destination” must have been a loser. Clearly, they never hit their goals. So, rather than push through and try again, they gave up.  They figured “Well, I couldn’t get to where I wanted so I settle for less to make me happy.”  How the hell could you be happy with just the journey?  Sure, you can learn from it, but ultimately, you want to hit your destination – your goals.  The journey is hard, tiresome, and full of trails.  Everyone goes through it when they’re trying to get to their destination, so it’s nothing special.   I rather talk about the destination instead.

We have these losers who hold on to that phrase to heart. These losers want to tell others that it’s okay to give up on the destination just so they can feel good.  Sorry, I don’t feel good when I don’t hit my goals or arrive at my destination.   I hate it.  How can I feel good if I didn’t hit success?  “But you can learn from your failures!”  Sure, you can.  But when you fail so often you want to win.  I think its just better to learn from the victory, analyze how you won, and repeat the methods/steps from your victory to ensure massive success and victories over time.

Let’s compare this to one of my most beloved JRPGs of all time: Final Fantasy 4 (and because I’m listening to the overworld theme as I write this).  His goal in the first act of Final Fantasy 4 was to cleanse his soul from that Dark Knight bullshit.  He felt guilty for his sins and wanted to atone himself.  In order to do so, he had to go on that Heroe’s Journey or whatever.  Cool.  But his ultimate goal was to clear his past sins and atonement.

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If you played Final Fantasy 4, you wanted to get the Paladin class for Cecil.  I bet you were tired of grinding for hours and wanted to push forward.  I know I was.  You wanted to see Cecil better himself and reach that goal.  You wanted, no needed to see him achieve.   That’s how we should be with goals and destination.  There’s a funny line in the game.  When Cecil speak to one of the Mystia elders who had knowledge about the Paladin class, the elder flat out told him the truth.

Cecil asks how many people failed in their quest to become a Paladin.  The Elder starts to laugh and say “Failed? No, they died!”  The failures don’t get to tell their tale of how they almost obtained that paladin class – because they died.   But Cecil was able to tell the tale.  Nobody wants to listen to stories from failures who almost did things or about their journeys.  Everyone has their stories about their journey. Nobody cares about the journey, we wanna hear about the destination.

Anyone can go on a journey.  But few can arrive at the destination. Very few.