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Category: Raw and Unedited

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Closing My Eyes Until I’m 29 (Freewrite)

(WARNING: The following post contains my raw, unedited thoughts.  Therefore, you may encounter spelling and grammar errors.  Plus,  I don’t feel like editing a free foam writing post).

The past month or so has been chaotic for my creative pride.  With being active in writing, getting my side hustle off the ground, and planning out content for my YouTube channel, my ego has gone into overdrive.  I’ve grown arrogant, snapping on people who judge my passion on different Facebook group. When I see people judge my shit, my thoughts go ‘I don’t see you putting your works out for the public to see’  and ‘When was the last time you created something?’.  I’m finding myself upset that some people (who are my friends) won’t support me, but they support a stranger (in our niche).  I normally turn to a business and branding group I’m a member of for support, but despite their helpful posts, it doesn’t help for long.

In short, I’m feeling impatience about my journey (and a bit of jealousy towards others who’re doing better than me, sadly).

I turned to YouTube to see if I can find any branding influencer I follow for help.  I came across Gary Vaynerchuk’s channel in my subscription.  He has awesome materials for dealing with impatience, so I started to scroll through his channel until I saw a certain video:

(If you don’t have time to watch the video above, here are some quick notes:

1. Drown out the noise around you and just focus on you until you hit 29 (or 39, 49, etc.).
2. Impatience kills creativity.
3. Everyone who’s in their 20s with “success” hasn’t’ truly hit success in the grand scheme of things.)

I needed this.  I needed somebody to tell me that the feeling of impatience and wanting success badly are normal feelings.  Ever since I started to study about the moves I need to make, self-education, and working on me (for a better future), I have just been impatient and angry.  Impatient because I feel that I’m pouring my heart into my passion and not getting the results I want.  Angry because I wish I would have the materials and tools (that I’ve discovered at age 27-28) when I was still in high school.   If I had those tools back then, perhaps I would be in a better place right now.

Then again, there’s a saying: Better late than never.  Am I mad at myself that I started out late?  Yes.  Am I happy I started at 28?  Yes.  I’ve accepted the fact that I’m a late bloomer and everything lmfao. In any case, I need to close my eyes until I’m 29 (three weeks from now).  I figure if I limit my time on social media (only using it for networking and brand building), my mental state will improve.  I won’t be as impatient, and I stop comparing myself to others.  Drown out the noise as Gary Vee suggested in the video.

It won’t happen overnight (like success), but it’s a start.  So I’m closing my eyes until I’m 29.

 

AFTERWORD:

Sorry for the whinny ass post lmfao.  I just needed to get this off my chest do something productive with how I feeling rather than holding it in.  I promise I’ll post the weeaboo shit soon.

Art source:
https://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=8390979

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The Law of Attraction Works, But…(Freewrite)

There’s a peculiar law that many believe in. Earl Nightingale, the late motivation speaker, considers this law to be the strangest secret known to man. It is said by believing in this law you’ll attract the things you desire. That if you think about it all day long, it will happen. What you put into the universe is what you get out  — good or bad.  This law is none other than the Law of Attraction.

Sounds awesome, right?

What if I told you that simply believing that things will happen isn’t enough?  The Law of Attraction works (about 10% of the time), but you have to put in the work to obtain the things you want in life.  Any ol’ fuck can just look in the mirror and say “I will be successful.  Today will be a good day.  I will become a millionaire.” But few put in the work to achieve their goals. Let’s be honest: people just say things so they can feel good about their about their current situation without doing anything.

They’re not willing to put in the work.

While the majority is comfortable with wishful thinking, there’s a minority that not only speak positivity into their lives, they make moves to ensure it.  Saying some silly mantra over and over again do not and will never make them happy.  They need to to go out and get it.  Do you think Son Goku stood in front of a mirror and told himself “I’m going to meet powerful warriors, train with masters, and better myself.”?  No.  He went out to the world and did it.  He took action in order to grow.  Goku traveled to hone his skill s and learn new things.  He wasn’t content and happy with staying in one place.

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People who do the law of attraction thing must act in the same manner.  You don’t just say silly shit and think you’re gonna magically get shit.  This is why I hate most self-help books and gurus who say you only have to say you’ll get what you desire.  They’re full of shit.  The ones who show you how to get it and warn you it’s not going to be easy – I respect them.  They want more than just money from some book.

The law of attractions works.  It’s a wonderful law that I follow and have faith in.  But I understand that I must put in the action to get what I want in life.  Simply lounging around and operating on a hope and a wish that I will become successful is not only stupid, it’s pathetic.  I do not want to be one of many who does that shit without applying me.  That’s boring.

 

Talking shit is easy.  Doing shit is hard.

 

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“It’s the Journey, not the Destination”: A Phase by Losers, for Losers (Freewrite)

Whoever coined the phrase “It’s the journey, not the destination” must have been a loser. Clearly, they never hit their goals. So, rather than push through and try again, they gave up.  They figured “Well, I couldn’t get to where I wanted so I settle for less to make me happy.”  How the hell could you be happy with just the journey?  Sure, you can learn from it, but ultimately, you want to hit your destination – your goals.  The journey is hard, tiresome, and full of trails.  Everyone goes through it when they’re trying to get to their destination, so it’s nothing special.   I rather talk about the destination instead.

We have these losers who hold on to that phrase to heart. These losers want to tell others that it’s okay to give up on the destination just so they can feel good.  Sorry, I don’t feel good when I don’t hit my goals or arrive at my destination.   I hate it.  How can I feel good if I didn’t hit success?  “But you can learn from your failures!”  Sure, you can.  But when you fail so often you want to win.  I think its just better to learn from the victory, analyze how you won, and repeat the methods/steps from your victory to ensure massive success and victories over time.

Let’s compare this to one of my most beloved JRPGs of all time: Final Fantasy 4 (and because I’m listening to the overworld theme as I write this).  His goal in the first act of Final Fantasy 4 was to cleanse his soul from that Dark Knight bullshit.  He felt guilty for his sins and wanted to atone himself.  In order to do so, he had to go on that Heroe’s Journey or whatever.  Cool.  But his ultimate goal was to clear his past sins and atonement.

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If you played Final Fantasy 4, you wanted to get the Paladin class for Cecil.  I bet you were tired of grinding for hours and wanted to push forward.  I know I was.  You wanted to see Cecil better himself and reach that goal.  You wanted, no needed to see him achieve.   That’s how we should be with goals and destination.  There’s a funny line in the game.  When Cecil speak to one of the Mystia elders who had knowledge about the Paladin class, the elder flat out told him the truth.

Cecil asks how many people failed in their quest to become a Paladin.  The Elder starts to laugh and say “Failed? No, they died!”  The failures don’t get to tell their tale of how they almost obtained that paladin class – because they died.   But Cecil was able to tell the tale.  Nobody wants to listen to stories from failures who almost did things or about their journeys.  Everyone has their stories about their journey. Nobody cares about the journey, we wanna hear about the destination.

Anyone can go on a journey.  But few can arrive at the destination. Very few.

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Kino no Tabi: Just Because You Can, Doesn’t Mean You Should. (VIDEO)

In the first episode of Kino Journey’s – The Beautiful World-, Kino encounters a man who desires to live in an infamous country where murder is not frowned upon. However, this man learns a life-ending lesson on action and reaction when he attempted to rob and murder Kino. Just because you can do something doesn’t necessary means you should go out and do it. It can cost you greatly — even your life.

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Higurashi no Naku Koro ni – Raw Thoughts Pt. 1

August 10th, 2017 marks the 15th anniversary of the hit visual novel series “Higurashi no Naku Koro ni”.  Higurashi no Naku Koro ni was adapted into  a successful animated series by Studio Deen in 2006 – setting the standard for horror anime which many series have tried and failed to emulate since.  In reflection and celebration of the series 15th  anniversary, I will be providing my raw, unedited thoughts of the anime throughout the month of August.  I hope you’ll enjoy! 

It was about ten years ago during my senior year of high school.  I was at my computer in business class, browsing Google for  anime wallpapers. While aimlessly browsing the images, I came across a wallpaper that stood out to me.  The wallpaper featured a young  teenager with a baseball bat, blood splatter, and film frames with the young boy  the frames  At the bottom there was layered text that  read “Please uncover the truth.  This is my only wish.”

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I didn’t think much of who was the character, what anime he was from, or the text in the image.  I just saw this wallpaper as a cool and edgy anime background for my computer.  Yet, there was something about this it that made me drawn to it.  Overtime, I became curious about the character on my screen and the meaning of his words.

“Please uncover the truth.  This is my only wish.”

“What does that mean, ‘uncover the truth’?”  I questioned.  Beyond that, I thought of nothing else.  My dumbass wasn’t smart enough to google that line at the time, so that mystery wasn’t going to be solved , at least during high school that is.

Little did I know back then that the image would mark the prelude of  one of my most beloved series of all time: Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni (lit. When The Cicadas Cry).  So, when and how did I discovered the series?  Well, let’s fast forward to  my sophomore year of college in Fall 2009.  A friend recommended that I watch Elfen Lied so I could learn the OP “Lilium” on the violin after class. Once I was completed with classes for the day, I hurried  home, pull up the YouTube app on my Wii, looked up Elfen Lied, found the first episode and enjoy it.  Upon completion of the first episode, another anime appeared on the suggestion playlist.

 

“Higurashi no Naku Koro ni?  What is this?” I asked myself.  Curious, I clicked the thumbnail and laid back on my couch.

“This better be as good as that crazy ass Elfen Lied anime.”

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The video starts to play.  The show opens  with a young teen boy violently smashing the bodies of two lifeless, bloodied girls with a metal baseball bat.   Immediately, my eyes widen as I continued watching this dude beat these two girls to death.  The young boy dropped his bat as the camera focused on his carnage.  Finally, the focus was on the kid’s face as he panted, his eyes widened and blood on his face.

“Holy shit. ” I said to my self quietly.     “What is this show?”
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I’ve never been much of a horror media guy. I find them boring and cheesy (due to American films) and thoughtless gore fest.  Most of them are just the bad guy slicing and dicing up their stupid victims, lacking focus on true fear – psychological fear . But the first 30 seconds of Higurashi felt different.   This feeling was solidly in the OP animation and music.

The distance, distorted haunting vocals, the fast-paced arpeggio bass-line, the visual contrast of of a bloodied Rena walking on glass barefoot, Satoko alone in a flower fields crying, and Shion surrounded in red with her face twisted in rage. Each character’s expression and the color usage of their introduction told me that this anime was not like any horror media I’ve seen prior.   Just off the OP, I could understand their feeling of sadness, confusion, rage, etc. Emotion plays a huge role in the show I assumed; based off the OP.

This sold me to watching Higurashi.

So, I watched.  I watched in confusion at Keiichi waking up in the morning and chilling with Rena and Mion – the two girls he had killed earlier.  Was that a dream? A vision he had? I did not know but I stay glued to my seat, wanting answers.  Yet, the more I watched, the more questions I started asking.

“What’s with this Himizawa muders and are those girls behind it? “ and “Are they pretending to be happy and carefree to lure Keiichi into a trap?”

As I progressed the first few episodes,  I started to figure things out about Higurashi , how the time-loop work, how each arc featured a character just one misstep away from snapping and killing everyone or themselves.  And it wasn’t just for say edginess like Elfen Lied, these characters legit have psychological reasons behind their actions.

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Rena was bullied and almost raped by two male peers.  She (justifying) snapped and beat the two boys with a baseball bat.  Keep in mind this:  she was already  emotionally wrecked by her mom cheating on her dad and splitting the family up, so the bullies attacking her was her breaking point.   Shion was treated as a black sheep by her family, and was further disowned by them when she fell in love with Satoshi (a boy who is hated by her family).  Satoko (Satoshi’s sister) is a completely wreck mentality due to her the murders of her parents,  the disappearance of Satoshi, and her uncle physically abusing her.  Rika’s parents were murdered as well and suffers from hopelessness from living thorugh 100 of years of timeloops ending in the same result – death.

Hell, even the series final villain Miyo had issues that lead her into becoming the bad guy;  She was left orphaned after the death of her parents.  She was taken in by a government run orphanage which was abusing and torturing the children in it.  She was no exception to the abuse.  Thankfully, she was taken in by her dad’s mentor who treated and loved her like his own granddaughter, but the damage  done to her by her abusers at the orphanage took it toll.  Stack that with her witnessing her “grandfather” being belittled by his peers for his research, fueling her revenge against everyone that did him (and her) wrong and you got Miyo’s desires to become a God – desires that resulted in the massacred of 2,000+ innocent people a couple of  years later.

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You just feel so sorry for these characters and understood why they’re behave the way they did throughout the series, ya know?

Anyway I’m going to end this raw freewrite thoughts here but don’t fret!  To celebrate the 15th anniversary of the Higurashi VN, I will be dropping more raw freewrites on my love for the series and possibly an analysis article .

Stay tune!

Also sorry for the bad grammar I have to get to my gig ASAP

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FREEWRITE: How to Get Over Somebody and Get Your Revenge

The best way to get over somebody is to keep working on you, improving yourself  daily. The best way you get revenge on somebody who’ve screwed you over is to become massively successful; making them regret what they did to you.  Breaking up sucks, trust me.  Cutting ties with somebody  who wronged you hurts, I know this.  You want to – no – you need to do whatever it takes to get your payback.  You need to get back at them for their wrongdoing. You need to make them feel the same way, if not worse, than how  they made you felt.  That’s okay.  It’s okay to feel angry and bitter, Emotions are natural. We’re human after all.

The best way to get back at them is to become more successful than them.  Become better, smarter, wiser, richer.  Do not do anything to harm your target physically, emotionally, or mentally.  That’ll only get you in some shit you don’t wanna be in.

 

I’m saying all this because the other day while I was browsing on Facebook there was word of a revenge porn thread on another website poppin’ up on an convention group I’m a part of.  Somebody was requesting nudes to be leaked of female csoaplyers from one of the region (perhaps some creep got mad some cosplaying chick rejected them and wanted to get back at them).  Unfortunately, some girls’ nudes were leaked by most likely their bitter ex-boyfriends. Ex-boyfriends  still mad about the breakup and seeking revenge by ruining their life through their nudes.

Imma say this real shit: If you so mad at a chick breaking up with you that it inspires you to post their nudes to the public – you’re an insecure little bitch.  Same to you ladies out there reading this.  if you leak your ex dude’s nudes  as  well, you’re an insecure little bitch . How low and petty do you have to be to violate a person’s privacy and trust?  How much anger, rage, and hatred do you have towards an ex that you wanna  ruin their life by posting their most imitate and private pictures that they entrusted you to not sparead aroud, all because you’re mad at them?  You’re not a real man or woman.  You’re a real sad bitch
Just  broken up with somebody? Feeling anger towards them? You need to get over that shit quick. If somebody did you wrong and your enraged? Get over it quick.  It’s okay to be angry at them.  What you do with that anger may not be okay. Do not let that anger blind and consume you.  What do you need to do when you’re mad and angry?

Use that anger as motivation.

In my introduction or  whatever, I stated that you should become better and more successful than whomever screwed you.  How do you do that you may ask?  Well, focus on whatever you love to do and work hard on that.  Are you a writer?  Then write!  Improve your writing skills and direct your attention to any writing projects you have in mind.  Hell, write about the person that hurt you if it makes you feel better.  Create a story based off the break up!  You may help somebody get over their anger!

You’re a hustler and a grinder? Keep on your grind.  Keep working on your business and make that money and stack.  .  Work your ass off so hard and so much on the hustle that you become something due to how much hard work you put in your hustle.  It’ll make those who wronged you regert that they did that!

That’s the revenge you want! Their regrets and your success!  Posting a person’s nudes ain’t goana make them respect you! That’s only gonna make you catch a revenge porn case.  That’ll be 4-7 years of your life gone cuz you’re out here trying to ruin a person’s life.  Busting a person’s car window or slashing their tires ain’t gonna make it better.  It’ll only gonna force you to lawyer up and pay them along with court fees. It ain’t worth your freedom to get revenge by being petty.  It’s worth your time to become more  successful and greater than those who screwed you over by working on you, improving day-by-day until you reach your biggest goal, whatever they may be.

In conclusion, the best revenge is massive success.  The greatest way to get over  somebody is to improve yourself and focusing on yourself.   By doing somebody physical or mental harm a payback will only end with your downfall and imprisonment.  You must disdain from that person by any means necessary.  Ignoring them is revenge.  WIninng at life is revenge.

 

With that said I hope you enjoy this freewrite and I hope I have helped anyone with their problems or a break up or getting back at anyone.  I shall be returning to my anime focused writings soon enough ya’ll!

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FREEWRITE: ZUN, and the Passion of the Craft

The other day,  I was browsing through a Touhou fangroup  on Facebook when I came across an topic: ZUN’s networth, and how much money he makes off his games and other products.  We threw in our (not so educated) guesses out, ranging from being completely broke due to his alcoholism love for beer, really broke from snorting cocaine off the asses  of  Sanae  cosplayers at Comiket, to being incredibly well off from the games, his day job (network programmer), and having some passive income (apparently he invested in  a brewery in Japan [yay sin investments] and SONY is giving him passive income for the PS4 Touhou games,  but neither statement  has not yet been confirmed).

Somebody brought up an article with statements from ZUN . Zun states that even  if he wasn’t making money off to make Touhou games, he would still make them regardless, as he is passionate about game design.

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To ZUN, that’s a shot glass.

(ZUN reminds me of another doujinshi game designer and writer, Ryukishi07 [When They Cry series creator], another dude who loves making games just for the joy for it, but that’s for another freewrite)

ZUN  spreads the lore of Gensokyo (the fictional land of Touhou), not for the love of money, but for the love of his fans and  his passion of storytelling.  ZUN finds fulfillment from his craft, his art.  Naturally, everyone in the topic started to respect him more than ever (ZUN seems like a very cool and chill guy). This got me thinking a bit; am I doing this writing  thing for fame  and money, or am I doing this because I love writing and I want to share my views to the world?

Or to go a little deeper; is there a greater sense of fulfillment by working on my passion so I can spread my words to the world?  Do I want to influence others and have them think about anime and otaku culture on a deeepr level?  Or am I doing this for my own pride and ego?

Maybe one day I’ll find the answer.  Maybe one day I’ll become just like ZUN and keep pushing out my writings because I find it fun and I want others to be happy and find joy from it.  Thanks ZUN, not only for your hard work, but also inspiring me to work on my passion for the joy of it!

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Online Con Season Drama – This Goofy Shit (Freewrite) (Rant)

With the spring/summer con season rolling, there’s something goofy I’ve noticed within the community recently: online con season drama. I know online con drama is a long running thing.  It’s nothing new but I feel like this season, it gotten out of hand. People are getting way too bold with their beefs and shit talking.

This morning, a Facebook friend did a live video on how there’s so much silly ass drama prior to the con.  One topic she touched upon was  that on how niggas love to talk that good shit on convention groups; talking about meeting up to fight con and cause conflict.

Yet, they’re super quiet and scared to do to their target. At most, they’ll just give the person they don’t like a dirty look, or come up to them with that fake friendly (as if they weren’t on any childish shit prior).  I just simply told her that I agreed, given I’ve noticed this trend for a while.

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 Uranus cosplayer confronting a Saturn cosplayer  who was talking shit about her on an anime convention group.

Like, folks plan all year to go to an event for 3-4 days to chill, network/do business, showcase their cosplay,  party, etc.  Nobody (sane) wants to meet up at a con just to fight and cause conflict over something pitiful.  People invested way too much money, energy, and time  into goin to a con, just to fight. Just to start drama. I don’t know how or why this trend got started but I just find it goofy.

I mean, I have a theory: ever since nerd culture and social media got popular and blew up, folks egos grew with it.  I’ve also noticed for about the last five of the seven years I’ve been in the cosplay and convention community, people love to talk that good shit online about meeting up.

It’s kinda sad because back when I was younger, if you were caught talking shit online or in person to start drama, you got your ass beat and/or blacklisted.  Simple as that.   Or folks will make fun of you, and tell you that they’re not your personal army if you were trying to rally against somebody for no reason.  Nowadays  people support this sorta thing in the nerd community.  Supporting physical fights and clowning on somebody over something minor or silly they said online.

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How I deal with folks who want to fight me over my trolling and blunt words at conventions.

That’s my little rant for today.  Just something I wanna get off my chest.  Ya need to chill out this con season.

 

Homura “Hi Hater Bye Hater” art source:

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Was Zamasu Right (Barely Edited Freewrite)

[Please note: This was a free write that was writte during the middle of the night.  As such, there are some grammar and spelling issues.  You have been warned]

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With Lord Zeno’s plan of erasing Universes with low morality such as Universe 7 and 9, I wonder if Zamasu on to something.   I mean, Zamasu was pissed that the gods weren’t doing their jobs taking care of the shitty mortals so he took matters into his own hands.

Granted, he wasn’t allowed to do that as a Kaioshin (God of Creation) but he felt that he needed to, for the sake of justice.

It is weird though.  If Zeno wanted to take out those universes then Zamasu could had just chill and let Zeno do the dirty work.  Both had the same idea.   Take out the horrible universes with the horrible mortals.

Granted I mean Zamasu would had die as he would had gotten wipe out along with Universe 7 but  Zamasu being erased would kept the rest of the universes safe.

Hell, Zamasu may have been one of the factors of Zeno wanting to erase Universe 7.  That nigga was pretty crazy, wanting to wipe out all humanity because of a few bad mortals.  Hell, Universe 9 has a scum bag Kaioshin as well.

 

 

But maybe Zamasu was right.  Maybe he was on to something.