I’m a 90s hip-hop fan, with the late Tupac Shakur as one of my favorite rappers from the era. “Staring Through My Rare View” (which the title of this freewrite is from), is my favorite work by the legend, as to me, can describes one own desires of achieving their dreams , goals, and how one yearn to reach their personal level of success by any means.
As stated from an earlier post about my pride and ego, for most my childhood and teen life, I was told I’d never be successful with having a learning disability and being in special education. Overtime I managed to prove the doubters wrong . However, with recent unwanted interactions from a toxic person ()whom I had cut off a year ago) who decided to remind me of my past struggles, my pride and ego has been working overtime to prove yet another doubter wrong to say the least.
This is where the line “Real niggas do what they wanna do” comes to play.
I do not know what’s going on in my head (in combination with my desires), but I have this drive to do whatever the fuck I please in order to reach what I want in life, or at the very least, achieve my own personal short or long terms goals then move forward to the next one. Even with things not going how I want it right now, me starting on this anime blogging (and now “vlogging”) journey at an late age compare to most others, and working full time, I still gonna do whatever I want to gain higher success.
Massive success even.
There’s more from life I want then just doing the same shit everyone else is doing. I wanna new shit rather than doing the same old bullshit from last year. Maybe this what Haruhi Suzumiya probably felt when she realized she can do whatever she pleased on that fateful day of realization watching baseball with her dad (gotta keep this somehow anime related).
So, I’m just going to keep doing me. Do whatever I wanna do in life, and for my passion.
The other day on Facebook, I created a status about haters. I stated if you have them, you’re making moves. My homegirl, who’s incredibly infamous in her field, and have a lot of haters, replied with “YES I DO LOL!”. I asked “How can I get more haters fam!” given she’s the expert of gaining them.
She followed up with some real shit.
“Do you want my honest opinion? Your ambition isn’t that high. You have form, but no clear refinement, or clear purpose, or agenda. Set the path up for yourself to contribute something worthy of recognition towards society and the haters will come and drove. Stop practicing your trolling skills online doing nothing. Instead of trolling to seek hateres, use your social skills to improve people’s lives, and make a positive impact for both their lives, and your own.”
(The last sentence is a paraphrase, but whatever. The message is still there)
This made me think hard about myself, and my life goals hardcore.
Ever since I got back from Anime Central, my ego, arrogance levels, and pride, were growing larger. I managed to successfully run a room party with my friend (bartending the party), made new contacts, expanded my network, and managed to promote my blog and brand.
My ego was on an all-time high. I felt unstoppable, and needed to reach higher and yield more results, but just for myself, Nobody else.
Years of being the underdog, belittled, bullied, and people calling you a failure at life because you were in special education for academics weaknesses does that to your ego; make it larger after success. Sans a handful of people, who I guess saw I had more potential than what I gave myself credit for (growing up with low self-esteem issues is a bitch), people counted me out, telling me I’ll never be successful.
For years, I just let that shit bottled up inside me, trying to ignore it subconsciously. However, it manifested itself into pride, and a sort of “revenge mission” against the haters, doubters, and niggas who belittled me.
The breaking point of this was when my brother, who I haven’t talked to a year (due to his own petty bullshit) decided to randomly text me, calling me a failure, a retard, and a loser who’ll never do anything with my life. He went on to compared me to our uncle, who (in my brother words “a fucking failure”) . That shit made me berserk, and made my focus to produce more work.
I wasn’t working to make others enjoy my work. I was working to feed my ego, and stunt on this family member. I’m gonna admit something; My Sailor Moon S’s analysis and my analysis on Hitagi’s mental state were results from my anger towards this family member who was doubting my success (the last two themes of my Sailor Moon S analysis was rushed just so I could prove a point and prove this man wrong, not because I was passionate) ‘I WILL be successful and I make every last one of ya who counted me out or made me felt bad about myself regret saying all that shit.’
-Benjamin’s Pride.
My current cover pic on Facebook. Updated out of pure pride.
When my friend (and another one whom I spoke to in private) to me I could do so much more by helping others with my skills, rather than using them just feed my ego, and increase haters, it awoken something in me: The drive to help others.
I’ve known and befriended many people over the last seven years of my life. I can easily help them, and more.
Saw a friend who was upset with their family fuckin’ with them (not going into details, as that’s their busssiness), and I figure “Well, guess I better put whatever fucking skills I have to good use and help this friend out.”
Besides, I’m so used to dealing with an insecure family member’s petty bullshit. Let me use my experience with them to help my friend feel better and have a space to get out their anger. If I can make my friend feel better, and push themselves to prove their family members wrong, then I guess I’m on the right path.
Another friend was having problems letting go the past, being insecure, and confidence issues. Three fields I’m an expert in! Not going into details (because again, I don’t wanna put their business out there), but I told my friend she need to focus on herself first and foremost. Find something that she’s proud of that she done, and build confidence off that. In addition, taught her that it’s normal to have insecurities, but to also work and improve them, so she can be more secure and happy with herself.
When she told me that she was glad she was able to speak to me about those topics, that legit made me happy. Another friend is feeling better about themselves, because I helped them out.
May I say, happy others really feel good? Perhaps I really should focus on that skill, and build up my ambitions through helping.
I wonder, how Queen Beryl could let her love for King Endymion consumed her so much, that she allowed herself to be control by Metalia, and murdered an entire kingdom. Did she felt entitled to his love or something? I understand love can make you do many a crazy things, and boy did this woman did some crazy ass shit.
Beryl caused a young girl to commit suicide after murdering her family and friends. Not just muderer that girl’s love ones, but she also slaughtered an entire kingdom. All because she couldn’t get some dick from the dude she was crushing on.
Maybe Endymion and Beryl had a small chat one day and my dude knew she was crazy as fuck, and was like “Nah.”
This woman was a low-level sage who overtime, became corrupted by power and love. Unrequited love mind you. She legit thought she could let a king fall in love with her commoner ass.
Girl who the fuck you think you are? Stay in your place.
But forreal, how did her seemly innocent crush evolved into pure jealously and hatred towards Princess Serenity? Why was she driven to the point of mass murder over love?
“What you won’t do for love” doesn’t mean slaughter an entire population, Beryl. I’m sure Bobby Caldwell wasn’t on that shit when he wrote that song.
These are the things I think about on my off day, when I make no plans to kick it with the homeboys, and I have nothing better to do but to overthink about fictional Japanese cartoon and comic characters while listening to vaporwave.
Taking the first step is scary. You get nervous, have doubts, lose confidence, and fears hold you back. Once you knock those negative feelings aside, you must take a plunge. You must take that first step. Nothing will ever happen to you if you don’t move forward. You won’t get anywhere in life that way.
‘You never gone make it if you never rolled a dice
Take the first step, that was Doctor King’s advice’
Things will get easier as you take that step and move forward. The other day, I took the first steps to forward and invest into my dreams. I decided to run two ads on my Facebook page for two recent projects I’m proud of. The first is my analysis on the Sailor Moon S narrative themes, and my analysis on Bakemonogatari’s Hitagi’s mental health. Yea, instant success and engagement won’t happen overnight, it’s a long process. A process I must stick with long term if I want long term success.
It’s a risky thing to do; investing money into a Facebook ad in hopes that people will read my writings and spread it around. But what’s life without taking risks? What’s life without taking that first step? If you do not take that risk, that gamble, you’ll never move forward in life. You’ll never be successful.
Recently, I came across my new phase; “Work While They Sleep, Grind While They Party”. To break it down to even simpler terms, take advantage of your rivals and competition’s partying and sleeping ways. Work your ass off while these sleep and party. Get a head start of the game before the others.
A couple of my posts (such as my Sailor Moon Infinity analysis and my recent analysis of Hitagi Sengahara’s mental health analysis), were done at night, for about 2-5 hours a night. Other were done at night and the next morning, with me taking a 6-7 hour sleep form between those time, and before I head to work.
I like this phase. It’s a movation tool to work harder to reach my goals. Moviation for me to work on my passion so I donot have to work for anyone else in my life.
Yea it sucks to sacrifice nights of partying, and hours of sleep, but I rather spend the nights working on my blog, posts, and learning about the anime industry I want to make a name out myself. A legacy even. .
Don’t get me wrong: partying with yout friends every once-in-a-awhile is cool. You shouldn’t isolate yourself from the crew. Sometimes, you need a night to relax and enjoy yourself. Just don’t makie it an hobby.
Work while they grind. Learn while they sleep. It’ll be worth it for your futre.
Being in the creative field (and my ever-growing internet popularity), gaining and encountering hate is a natural (but fun) thing. It’s the order of life , something that will only end when humanity ends. As somebody who doesn’t get mad, jealous, or hateful towards successful people, I never got the joy of hating off somebody else’s success or passion. I find inspiration in those who are doing better than I am. It just means I need to keep pushing to reach their level.
A grown ass woman in her 30s with a 6-digit salary career about to hate on a 12-year-old kid. That’s fucking sad.
Recently, I’ve been gaining some hate from both internet niggas, and a member of my own blood family. Although I’m not (completely) mad at these haters, I find their hate funny. These fools that are hating on me are doing way better in their lives compared to my own life. They have careers, wives/girlfriends, their own cars and houses while I’m struggling.
And yet, they take the time out of their own apparently “successful” and “happy” lives to talk down on me. The family member hater has a newfound hobby of reminding me of my past failures and is belittling me about my current situation. Funny thing, this dude won’t offer me advice or support to get out of this situation (granted this dude had an arrest warrant out for him last year, and he screwed over his roommates rent money the year before, so take that how you want to)
Guess it’s easier to put down others than to lift them up (a depressing issue in the Black community).
Their hate got me wondering though: I must be doing something right with my passion and drive to better myself. The haters don’t like that. They rather see me be stuck forever, than me to make progress in life. They fear the fact that one day, I’ll prove their bullshit wrong.
Fear and paranoid is a bitch ha ha ha. But real shit, haters are goofy.
‘I’m just enjoying my mother fuckin’ life that’s all. I advise you to do the same.’
I never got the “There Episodes Rule” of the anime community. The “logic” behind this rule is that you should give a series three episodes to see if it gets good, or worthy enough to continue.
I personally believe that a show should be good and make a great impression on the first episode. The first episode should at least have a few things in it that should match your taste so you don’t have to wait for a show to get good.
If I don’t think a show is good on the first episode, I ain’t gonna waste my time on the series. I have way too many shows on my backlog to get through to worry about shows I’m gonna dropped of the first episode.
Pic related: Attack on Titan, a show I wasted nine episodes on waiting for it to get good lol.
Sailor Moon S holds a special place in my heart. I do not know if it because of the characters, the sci-fi elements of the villains, the story, the art style, or the music. There was just something about those things that drew me into the series. I just deeply love S.
As a kid, I thought Sailor Moon was a show marketed for young girls. I doubted that it was for guys but hey, I was 11 at the time. My mind changed once I gave the show a shot. Man, I not only was I proven wrong, I was blown away.
This scene also got me into Sailor Moon as a kid but that’s best saved for another post.
The first thing I noticed about S was the sci-fi aesthetics of the Death Busters. I did not expect an element seen in more male oriented cartoons and shows in Shoujo anime. I loved that Professor Tomoe used science and technology to combat against the Sailor Scouts’ magical powers. Hell I still love it to this day. Science vs. Magic is a very common ass theme in fictional but when done right, it’s great. And S did it greatly.
Another thing I drew me into S was the depressing theme of the destruction of the world. That was a play out of left field for younger me. Shows I have watched prior dealt with villains wanting to simply take over the world. There weren’t any talk about awakening an evil Messiah wiping out all humanity or killing a 12 year old girl because she was assumed to be that evil Messiah.
Totally not a spoiler. Trust me: I’m a dolphin.
Finally, what made S great was the the amazing soundtrack. Honestly this is best reversed for a more in-depth analysis post but whatever (pus, I need to freewrtie for a bit lol). This is completely biased because I am a violinist, but holy shit the orchestra and violin tracks were perfect. Like forreal the orchestra tracks they used for the Mistress 9/Pharaoh 90 battles made me felt like I was watching an animated movie than just a simple series.
I cannot simply forget the awesomeness that is that of the Outer Senshi theme
Or the utterly depressing piano/violin duet of Hotaru’s theme: (“Hotaru’s Sorrow ” is a fuckin’ fitting title for that girl’s theme. Her life was incredibly fucked up)
So yea, these are just short, rather shallow reasons why I love Sailor Moon S and how it got me into the series as a whole. I may go more in depth with these things in the near future but for right now, I just needed to clear my thoughts (and have something for the 25th Anniversary week ha ha ha)
[Please note: This was a free write that was writte during the middle of the night. As such, there are some grammar and spelling issues. You have been warned]
With Lord Zeno’s plan of erasing Universes with low morality such as Universe 7 and 9, I wonder if Zamasu on to something. I mean, Zamasu was pissed that the gods weren’t doing their jobs taking care of the shitty mortals so he took matters into his own hands.
Granted, he wasn’t allowed to do that as a Kaioshin (God of Creation) but he felt that he needed to, for the sake of justice.
It is weird though. If Zeno wanted to take out those universes then Zamasu could had just chill and let Zeno do the dirty work. Both had the same idea. Take out the horrible universes with the horrible mortals.
Granted I mean Zamasu would had die as he would had gotten wipe out along with Universe 7 but Zamasu being erased would kept the rest of the universes safe.
Hell, Zamasu may have been one of the factors of Zeno wanting to erase Universe 7. That nigga was pretty crazy, wanting to wipe out all humanity because of a few bad mortals. Hell, Universe 9 has a scum bag Kaioshin as well.
But maybe Zamasu was right. Maybe he was on to something.
Dragon Ball Super manga artist Toyotaro. Former fan artist turned professional comic artist.
As an artist, musician, or writer, you often hear people tell you that you should always promote your craft. Always work on skills. Always improve on your work because you never know who may be checking you out.
Having the right person enjoying your craft could lead your passion and hobby into a career or even working along side with your idol.
Dragon Ball Super manga artist Toyotaro is a prime example of this. Toyotaro started out as a Dragon Ball manga artist. As a doujin artist he is best known for his Dragon Ball AF doujin manga; a fan project that landed him a job with JUMP Magazine working along side with series creator Akira Toriyama.
A fan working with a series creator man. That’s perhaps one of the greatest honor you can have that nobody can ever take away from you.
Think about it: Toyotaro had a hobby of making Dragon Ball manga. He probably never imagined in his life that his passion and love would lead him to working with famed manga artist Akira Toriyama. He gets paid to create art of his favorite series with the creator.
If you’re a producer keep making beats. A musician? Keep playing. A writer? Keep writing. An artist? Keep drawing. Keep promoting yourself and putting you works out for the world.
You really never know who may be enjoying your work.
Imagine this: Your homeboy gets you caught up in his bullshit. You had no involvement to his actions prior but this doesn’t mean anything. Your careless ass friend managed to drag you into their mess. If you do not get involved, the dire consequences will impact not only him but you as well. And it ain’t gonna be pretty.
In the recent episode 78 of Dragon Ball Super, Goku is that careless friend. Goku manged to drag his associates, friends, and family into his bullshit. Goku defiantly went against Beerus’ prior warning to not to remind Lord Zeno (Zen-Oh-Sama) of the Tournament of Power.
The Tournament of Power (a.k.a the Omni King All Universe Survival Tournament) the all universe tournament hosted by Lord Zeno, king of all. There are no rewards in this tournament sans your universe not being wiped out of existence if you’re declared victor in addition to using the Super Dragon Balls. There’s at least that. Yay!
So, because Goku wants to fight so badly he endangered not only endanger his friends, family, and planet, this man put the existence of his universe at risk of being wiped out.
Goku, for the very first time in his life, has to take responsibility for his actions. Beerus had to threaten him to do it of course. Thank god for you Beerus. Thank god for you.
Goku enlists his son Gohan and friend, Majin Buu to fight in this tournament and explains If they lose, goodbye to their universe existence. Mr. Satan tags along but he ain’t doing shit. They ain’t too please about Goku getting them all caught up.
They ain’t the only ones you know. You already know word got spread quick about this tournament. You already know you got niggas from all 12 universes who want to come after Goku. They have to fight not just for surivivial, but for their existence because Goku needed a good challenge.
Yuki The Snowman 