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Category: Freewriting

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Playing The Long Game As A Nerd (Freewrite)

 

“You still watching Dragon Ball Z, nigga?  Grow up!”
“Stop acting white! You’re too old to watch cartoons!”
“Go get some pussy and stop playing video games!”

Growing up as a (black) nerd in a backward ass Midwestern city was rough (in the early 2000s). Throughout middle and high school if you had nerdy interests, you were deemed a loser amongst your peers.   Nobody (outside your fellow outcasted nerds) wanted to fuck with you.  You were bullied, teased, and taunted for your nerdy passion.  I too dealt with my fair share of bullshit from normies who didn’t have the balls to step out of their comfort zone; unlike us nerds who didn’t fuck with that fitting in shit.

I still remember how my normie peers would tell me how being a nerd was uncool and that I need to grow up.  They claimed that video games and anime would never get me pussy, popularity, or money.  Of course, they were wrong.  Hell, even with my near grandiose levels of ego, I knew they were wrong. Mainly because  I spent my free-time shit posting and trolling gaming and anime forums communicating with older nerds who went through the same shit I was going through back then.   Many of them had wives, families, money, and status at their jobs.  Some even talked about how they hooked up with an equally nerdy chick or a dude at comic and anime conventions.

I mean shit, I looked up to Bill Gates when I in middle and high school.  Here was a nigga that  was a total nerd in his school days.  Was bullied for being a nerd, spent his weekends working on computers for 40 hours while everyone else was partying and doing stupid, unproductive shit. He played the long game with his brand and within a few decades, he became the richest men in the world.

So much for nerds being losers.

Reading about Bill Gates’s success (as well as the success of older nerds online) made me realize this at a young age:  If I’m going to dedicate my life to being a nerd and building something for myself off it,  then I better play the long game. I just knew deep down that nerd culture was going to be popular.  I just had this gut feeling that nerds and geeks in America will stop being bullied.  That we were going to be trendsetters. Game changers.  The dominant culture in entertainment (The Big Bang Theory doesn’t fuckin’ count).

At the turn of this decade (the 2010s),  my vision was coming true (for the nerd community). Blockbuster superhero movies were the norm.  Video games were treated as a respectful, valued form of entertainment.  Anime (and otaku culture) was accepted.  Anime and video game clubs were poppin’ up in high schools across America.  While nerds were still being bullied, it was happening far less often then decades past.  Kids were free to wear their favorite anime or superhero shirt without fear of being teased or mock.  Conventions were getting mainstream attention.  Being a nerd was now consider cool.

Playing my first long game paid off.

Playing the long game with your passion isn’t easy.  Do not think you won’t face difficulties as a player of the long game.  You are fuckin’ stupid and clueless if you think there no errors or hardships with the long game.  You will have people talk to out of your passion (as they do not see nor understand your vision).   You will get called weird, mad, goofy, insane, whatever your hopeless, average, bottom feeders peers will throw up in your face.  As a player of the long game, you need to block those people out.  Cut them out of your lives even.   Link up with other people who share your passion and understand that success takes years to achieve instead.

How do you play the long game as a nerd?  Simple: Pick something you’re passionate about.  You love vlogging about the latest episodes of mainstream anime?  Good.  Stick with it for a few years. Do you find joy in making others happy when you play video game music on your violin?  Perfect.  Keep it up for years and years on end.  Don’t expect success to come overnight.  If you do, quit right now.  You ain’t cut out for the long game.

To those still bitter about the past and how nerd culture is now popular: Good.  Stay mad.  I need bitter ass suckers like you so I don’t have to worry about fighting other nerds to get that number one spot and dominate and intimidate everyone in the culture one day. Keep being miserable.

For the normies who made fun of nerds and are only on the nerd train cuz it’s popular: Thanks for being suckers!  I look forward to making money and build my brand off yall niggas.

For the rest of us nerds who are taking advantage of this trend: Play hard.  Work hard.  Success is ours for the taking.

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Backside of Our Desires (Freewrite)

Recently I started reading Relentless: From Good, To Great,  To Unstoppable by Tim Grover (athletic trainer for iconic basketball players such as Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant) after months of the book sitting on my dresser.  Skimming through the table of contents I found a chapter that took my attention.  The chapter: “When You’re a Cleaner… …You Have a Dark Side That Refuses to be Good”.  I went straight to that chapter (as I  know I have a dark side and comfortable with that), yearning to understand why it’s okay to have one.

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The chapter opens up with Tim saying this: ‘A cooler tries to fight his dark side and loses.  A closer acknowledges his dark side but isn’t able to control it.  A cleaner harnesses his dark side into raw, controlled power.’  While I simply nodded and smile (a twisted smile at that), I started to laugh a bit. ‘What kinda Persona 2, 4, and 5 type shit is this?’ I asked myself.  I mean, I doubt Tim Grover is a gamer nor does he gives a fuck about video games, but I couldn’t help to think about the Persona series when reading the chapter.  In Persona 2, 4, and 5, you encounter the “Shadow Self” of the heroes.

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Simply put, the Shadow Self is the “corrupted’ version of a character. It is their hidden desires and thoughts they do not want the world to see.  Domination.  Revenge.  Anger.  Jealously. Lust.  Pride. Hatred.  You name it.  It is the character true self. Yukiko (Persona 4) secretly wants to be liberated from her duties as heir of her family’s business.  That’s her true self.  Maya’s (Persona 2) anger towards her childhood friends.  That’s how she actually feels about the situation that happened to her (as a child).  There’s nothing wrong with them.  It’s just their repressed feelings they have yet to deal with.    We felt those dark feelings often and there’s nothing wrong with it. What’s wrong is if we let those feelings control us – not the other way around (or worse, if we try to fight them).

 

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Shadow Maya

 

It is said that if anyone tries to deny their shadow self in the Shadow world, their shadow will become enraged and kill the person.  In short, they’re coolers. Adachi (Persona 4) knew he had a dark side and rather than control it, the darkness in his heart lead to the murders of two innocent women (and it almost caused the destruction of the world).  He’s a closer.   Yukiko however, came to terms to her dark desires and understood those feelings shouldn’t be demonized.   Because Yukiko accepted her dark feelings (rather than denying them) , her shadow manifested into raw, controlled power (her Persona) – which she would use to save the world with her friends.

Yukiko is a cleaner.

 

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Shadow Yukiko and Normal Yukiko

 

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Be real with yourself and don’t bullshit me: You have dark desires that you don’t want the world to know.  It’s oaky.  Those desires do not make you a horrible human being (as long as they’re not unethical, illegal, etc.).  You want power and control?  That’s okay.  So do I and many other people in this world.  You wish to dominate in your niche and be the baddest man or woman in it?  Same here man.  Had wrong doings against you or those you love and you want the people responsible to suffer for it?

Me too.

Since I’m on that topic, let’s take Futaba (Persona 5) for example.  Her Shadow self was rooted in her desire to confirm that her mother was murdered (rather than committing suicide as originally reported).  Futaba lusted for revenge against the people who murdered her mom.  Futaba was going to kill herself (over the grief and stress of losing her mom) until her shadow talked her out of it and  told her that she has friends who love and support her.   How could Futaba get revenge against the people who killed her mom if she had offed herself?  Upon accepting her true feelings of wanting revenge Futaba became a cleaner.

 

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Shadow Futaba and Normal Futaba

 
Now, do you see how there’s nothing wrong with having a dark side? A shadow?  Your shadow self should be used as a positive.

You were used! They forged her suicide note nad laid the blame of her death upon you! They trampled all over your young heart!  Get mad! Don’t forgive those rotten adults!”

-Shadow Futaba

NOTES:
Coolers: Your average guys.  They get job done at a simple, everyman level.  Your 9-to-5ers basically.
Closers: Those who go up and beyond just a little bit.  They may do a little bit extra than the average guy, but won’t go far when face with issues that they can’t handle

Closers: Your top/god tier men and women.  They do not fear pressure, advisesity, or problems.  In fact, they love them.  They are willing and able to dominate in any situation even if the situation is filled with problems without error.

Shadow Yukiko art source:
https://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=3428393

(Three years later I’m still mad Shadow Futaba’s white/Asian/what the fuck her race is ass dressed up like an Egyptian lmfao)

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Playing the Long Game (Freewrite)

Recently, my friend came back to town for the Easter holiday weekend.  I haven’t seen him in over a year, so naturally, I had to hit my boy up and see how he’s doing.  After work decided to pay him a visit to see how he was doing.  As I arrived at his parents’ house (where he was staying), I saw playing chess against our homegirl.  I’ve always been interested in playing chess, but I was unaware of anyone (in my circle) who played it (until recently).  Wanting to feed my curiosity on the game, I ask to play the winner (our homegirl).

My homegirl, knowing that I’m new to the game, gave me the rundown on it. She described how each piece has their own movements, attacks,  and the best way to make moves with the pieces. Finally, she ended with the most important detail of chess: planning ahead for the long game. In short, she taught me how chess is about making strategies in your head often; being aware of the risks and rewards that lie beyond.

During her explanation, I realized how chess is like planning my next moves (in terms of brand building, vlogging, blogging, etc.) and looking beyond the moment.   You don’t simply move without logic.  You must not only plan all the way to the end but adapt to changes as well.

Chess is a game of patience and long-term planning – similar to brand building.

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When building your brand, business, etc., you need to plan things out.  If you don’t, you will be overwhelmed with stress and problems.  Planning for the long game takes time, thoughts, energy, and effort.  You must craft a plan for each project – for each move.  There are no excuses.

Say my first move is to write a review on Kokkou.  My plan is to make time to watch 12, 23 minutes of the series (6 hours or so) once without taking notes.  My second move will be to watch it again while writing notes on character devolvement, scriptwriting, animation, etc. Following that, I’ll take out the details in my writing that aren’t important, logically, etc. Once those are tackled, I start writing the first three drafts of my review until I hit my final draft.  During this time, I make a schedule for this writing project with a deadline.  This way, my review for the anime comes out in time while it’s still fresh in the fans mind.

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My long game plan on writing anime reviews or analysis also includes my regular 9-to-5 schedule/plans.  Let’s say I have to go in to work at 11.  The night before, I take about one hour (10PM-11PM) to add content to my review before I go to sleep for about 6 hours (11PM-5AM).  From 5AM-7AM, I just continue to write from where  I left off the night before. From 7AM-7:45AM, I prep and eat a protein heavy breakfast.  After that, I take a shower and once I’m done with that, it’s back to writing until I have to leave to work (I’m in my work clothes by then so there’s no delay or making myself late for work as I’m working on a project).

Repeat until success.

To conclude, you gotta plan for the long game with your projects.  It will help you out.  You need to set up your plan with logic, and not be ruled by your heart.  Attacking a project without a plan will destroy you.  It is foolish not to plan things you.

(Note: I have yet to watch Kokkou.  Do not wait for me for a review for it.)

 

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The Law of Attraction Works, But…(Freewrite)

There’s a peculiar law that many believe in. Earl Nightingale, the late motivation speaker, considers this law to be the strangest secret known to man. It is said by believing in this law you’ll attract the things you desire. That if you think about it all day long, it will happen. What you put into the universe is what you get out  — good or bad.  This law is none other than the Law of Attraction.

Sounds awesome, right?

What if I told you that simply believing that things will happen isn’t enough?  The Law of Attraction works (about 10% of the time), but you have to put in the work to obtain the things you want in life.  Any ol’ fuck can just look in the mirror and say “I will be successful.  Today will be a good day.  I will become a millionaire.” But few put in the work to achieve their goals. Let’s be honest: people just say things so they can feel good about their about their current situation without doing anything.

They’re not willing to put in the work.

While the majority is comfortable with wishful thinking, there’s a minority that not only speak positivity into their lives, they make moves to ensure it.  Saying some silly mantra over and over again do not and will never make them happy.  They need to to go out and get it.  Do you think Son Goku stood in front of a mirror and told himself “I’m going to meet powerful warriors, train with masters, and better myself.”?  No.  He went out to the world and did it.  He took action in order to grow.  Goku traveled to hone his skill s and learn new things.  He wasn’t content and happy with staying in one place.

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People who do the law of attraction thing must act in the same manner.  You don’t just say silly shit and think you’re gonna magically get shit.  This is why I hate most self-help books and gurus who say you only have to say you’ll get what you desire.  They’re full of shit.  The ones who show you how to get it and warn you it’s not going to be easy – I respect them.  They want more than just money from some book.

The law of attractions works.  It’s a wonderful law that I follow and have faith in.  But I understand that I must put in the action to get what I want in life.  Simply lounging around and operating on a hope and a wish that I will become successful is not only stupid, it’s pathetic.  I do not want to be one of many who does that shit without applying me.  That’s boring.

 

Talking shit is easy.  Doing shit is hard.

 

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Higurashi no Naku Koro ni – Raw Thoughts Pt. 1

August 10th, 2017 marks the 15th anniversary of the hit visual novel series “Higurashi no Naku Koro ni”.  Higurashi no Naku Koro ni was adapted into  a successful animated series by Studio Deen in 2006 – setting the standard for horror anime which many series have tried and failed to emulate since.  In reflection and celebration of the series 15th  anniversary, I will be providing my raw, unedited thoughts of the anime throughout the month of August.  I hope you’ll enjoy! 

It was about ten years ago during my senior year of high school.  I was at my computer in business class, browsing Google for  anime wallpapers. While aimlessly browsing the images, I came across a wallpaper that stood out to me.  The wallpaper featured a young  teenager with a baseball bat, blood splatter, and film frames with the young boy  the frames  At the bottom there was layered text that  read “Please uncover the truth.  This is my only wish.”

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I didn’t think much of who was the character, what anime he was from, or the text in the image.  I just saw this wallpaper as a cool and edgy anime background for my computer.  Yet, there was something about this it that made me drawn to it.  Overtime, I became curious about the character on my screen and the meaning of his words.

“Please uncover the truth.  This is my only wish.”

“What does that mean, ‘uncover the truth’?”  I questioned.  Beyond that, I thought of nothing else.  My dumbass wasn’t smart enough to google that line at the time, so that mystery wasn’t going to be solved , at least during high school that is.

Little did I know back then that the image would mark the prelude of  one of my most beloved series of all time: Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni (lit. When The Cicadas Cry).  So, when and how did I discovered the series?  Well, let’s fast forward to  my sophomore year of college in Fall 2009.  A friend recommended that I watch Elfen Lied so I could learn the OP “Lilium” on the violin after class. Once I was completed with classes for the day, I hurried  home, pull up the YouTube app on my Wii, looked up Elfen Lied, found the first episode and enjoy it.  Upon completion of the first episode, another anime appeared on the suggestion playlist.

 

“Higurashi no Naku Koro ni?  What is this?” I asked myself.  Curious, I clicked the thumbnail and laid back on my couch.

“This better be as good as that crazy ass Elfen Lied anime.”

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The video starts to play.  The show opens  with a young teen boy violently smashing the bodies of two lifeless, bloodied girls with a metal baseball bat.   Immediately, my eyes widen as I continued watching this dude beat these two girls to death.  The young boy dropped his bat as the camera focused on his carnage.  Finally, the focus was on the kid’s face as he panted, his eyes widened and blood on his face.

“Holy shit. ” I said to my self quietly.     “What is this show?”
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I’ve never been much of a horror media guy. I find them boring and cheesy (due to American films) and thoughtless gore fest.  Most of them are just the bad guy slicing and dicing up their stupid victims, lacking focus on true fear – psychological fear . But the first 30 seconds of Higurashi felt different.   This feeling was solidly in the OP animation and music.

The distance, distorted haunting vocals, the fast-paced arpeggio bass-line, the visual contrast of of a bloodied Rena walking on glass barefoot, Satoko alone in a flower fields crying, and Shion surrounded in red with her face twisted in rage. Each character’s expression and the color usage of their introduction told me that this anime was not like any horror media I’ve seen prior.   Just off the OP, I could understand their feeling of sadness, confusion, rage, etc. Emotion plays a huge role in the show I assumed; based off the OP.

This sold me to watching Higurashi.

So, I watched.  I watched in confusion at Keiichi waking up in the morning and chilling with Rena and Mion – the two girls he had killed earlier.  Was that a dream? A vision he had? I did not know but I stay glued to my seat, wanting answers.  Yet, the more I watched, the more questions I started asking.

“What’s with this Himizawa muders and are those girls behind it? “ and “Are they pretending to be happy and carefree to lure Keiichi into a trap?”

As I progressed the first few episodes,  I started to figure things out about Higurashi , how the time-loop work, how each arc featured a character just one misstep away from snapping and killing everyone or themselves.  And it wasn’t just for say edginess like Elfen Lied, these characters legit have psychological reasons behind their actions.

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Rena was bullied and almost raped by two male peers.  She (justifying) snapped and beat the two boys with a baseball bat.  Keep in mind this:  she was already  emotionally wrecked by her mom cheating on her dad and splitting the family up, so the bullies attacking her was her breaking point.   Shion was treated as a black sheep by her family, and was further disowned by them when she fell in love with Satoshi (a boy who is hated by her family).  Satoko (Satoshi’s sister) is a completely wreck mentality due to her the murders of her parents,  the disappearance of Satoshi, and her uncle physically abusing her.  Rika’s parents were murdered as well and suffers from hopelessness from living thorugh 100 of years of timeloops ending in the same result – death.

Hell, even the series final villain Miyo had issues that lead her into becoming the bad guy;  She was left orphaned after the death of her parents.  She was taken in by a government run orphanage which was abusing and torturing the children in it.  She was no exception to the abuse.  Thankfully, she was taken in by her dad’s mentor who treated and loved her like his own granddaughter, but the damage  done to her by her abusers at the orphanage took it toll.  Stack that with her witnessing her “grandfather” being belittled by his peers for his research, fueling her revenge against everyone that did him (and her) wrong and you got Miyo’s desires to become a God – desires that resulted in the massacred of 2,000+ innocent people a couple of  years later.

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You just feel so sorry for these characters and understood why they’re behave the way they did throughout the series, ya know?

Anyway I’m going to end this raw freewrite thoughts here but don’t fret!  To celebrate the 15th anniversary of the Higurashi VN, I will be dropping more raw freewrites on my love for the series and possibly an analysis article .

Stay tune!

Also sorry for the bad grammar I have to get to my gig ASAP

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Higurashi: The Only “Power of Friendship” Anime I Respect. (Raw and Unedited)

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Higurashi in the only power of friendship anime I respect.

In life, we experience  pain.  Betrayal.  Abuse.   Hopelessness.  Lost. Suffering.  Depression.  Anxiety.  Whatever. The point being is this: life is brutal.    However – the support of (true) family and friends can helps ebb our pain. With their help, we can push forward and grow better day-by-day.

07th Expansion and Studio Deen’s Higurashi no Naku Koro ni show us how the power of friendship  can pull  us up through our darkest Moments.  Moments that make us believe we’re hopeless. Movements  that makes feel that there’s nobody who can understand what we are going through.

This is where the beauty of Higurashi comes in.

 

The main cast (Rena, Shion, Mion, Satoko, Rika, and Keiichi) are suffering from various degrees of pain.  Rena suffered from trauma of bullying and her mother cheating on her father.  Shion is the Sonozaki family’s blacksheep, thus straining her relationship with her love ones.  Satoko…poor Satoko.  Keiichi suffers from the guilt of his past sins.  And Rika with despair and hopelessness.  They all believe that nobody understand htier pain and suffering, until they reached out to their friends at one point in the series.
Example: Keiichi reaches out to Rena whom was suffering from paranoia.  She believed that nobody understood her pain and took it out on her friends.  Keiichi opened his heart to her, allowing her to express her pain to him.   Keep in mind that in a different world of Higurashi (long story), Keiichi murdered Rena – whom he believed was trying to kill him.  Rena in reality was literally reaching out to him, knowing that he was going through the same paranoia that she experienced years prior.

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“Believe…in me.”

“The Power of Friendship” of anime  is so cheesy and Higurashi is one only anime that I’ve personally experienced the troope executed right with realistic themes such as child abuse and mental health.  Higurashi teaches us that we have a support system and that we must never allow ourselves to think that we are suffering alone and that people do not understand what wer’re going through.

 

With that said, I hope you enjoy this very raw, unedited, poor grammar freewrite.   Tell me in the ocmments if you too are a fan of Higurashi and appericate its usage of the power of friendship as a narrative.

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In Another World With My Smartphone is Disappointing (Mini-Freewrite)

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In Another World With My Smartphone is disappointing.   I’m talking “shut-in otaku, black sheep in the family who watches anime all day, and doesn’t play sports like your father wanted you to, thus he disowns you” disappointing (kinda like some of you weebs out there).  I had so much hope for this anime when I  first heard about  it. The  idea of  the main character using modern day technology in a fantasy world, and said technology is powered through magic. That’s sound amazing!  It’s something I’ve never seen in anime before (or in any type of media), and I was curious on how that will play out in the series.

Sadly, my hopes were crushed when I realized within the first two or three minutes of the episode that this anime was, yet another , cookie cutter otaku fantasy harem series.  You know, we’ve seen time-after-time before; Thanks due the popularity of Sword Art Online.   Plus, I should had know this show would had been garbage from the jump given it’s a light novel series cratered to lonely otaku who yearn to live out some weird harem fantasy that they know deep down will never happen.

I mean they can’t talk to a single women, let another collect multiple women to add into an harem.

Stay tune in the future for my more in-depth review on episode one of In Another Generic Otaku Harem Fantasy World in the near future.

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FREEWRITE: How to Get Over Somebody and Get Your Revenge

The best way to get over somebody is to keep working on you, improving yourself  daily. The best way you get revenge on somebody who’ve screwed you over is to become massively successful; making them regret what they did to you.  Breaking up sucks, trust me.  Cutting ties with somebody  who wronged you hurts, I know this.  You want to – no – you need to do whatever it takes to get your payback.  You need to get back at them for their wrongdoing. You need to make them feel the same way, if not worse, than how  they made you felt.  That’s okay.  It’s okay to feel angry and bitter, Emotions are natural. We’re human after all.

The best way to get back at them is to become more successful than them.  Become better, smarter, wiser, richer.  Do not do anything to harm your target physically, emotionally, or mentally.  That’ll only get you in some shit you don’t wanna be in.

 

I’m saying all this because the other day while I was browsing on Facebook there was word of a revenge porn thread on another website poppin’ up on an convention group I’m a part of.  Somebody was requesting nudes to be leaked of female csoaplyers from one of the region (perhaps some creep got mad some cosplaying chick rejected them and wanted to get back at them).  Unfortunately, some girls’ nudes were leaked by most likely their bitter ex-boyfriends. Ex-boyfriends  still mad about the breakup and seeking revenge by ruining their life through their nudes.

Imma say this real shit: If you so mad at a chick breaking up with you that it inspires you to post their nudes to the public – you’re an insecure little bitch.  Same to you ladies out there reading this.  if you leak your ex dude’s nudes  as  well, you’re an insecure little bitch . How low and petty do you have to be to violate a person’s privacy and trust?  How much anger, rage, and hatred do you have towards an ex that you wanna  ruin their life by posting their most imitate and private pictures that they entrusted you to not sparead aroud, all because you’re mad at them?  You’re not a real man or woman.  You’re a real sad bitch
Just  broken up with somebody? Feeling anger towards them? You need to get over that shit quick. If somebody did you wrong and your enraged? Get over it quick.  It’s okay to be angry at them.  What you do with that anger may not be okay. Do not let that anger blind and consume you.  What do you need to do when you’re mad and angry?

Use that anger as motivation.

In my introduction or  whatever, I stated that you should become better and more successful than whomever screwed you.  How do you do that you may ask?  Well, focus on whatever you love to do and work hard on that.  Are you a writer?  Then write!  Improve your writing skills and direct your attention to any writing projects you have in mind.  Hell, write about the person that hurt you if it makes you feel better.  Create a story based off the break up!  You may help somebody get over their anger!

You’re a hustler and a grinder? Keep on your grind.  Keep working on your business and make that money and stack.  .  Work your ass off so hard and so much on the hustle that you become something due to how much hard work you put in your hustle.  It’ll make those who wronged you regert that they did that!

That’s the revenge you want! Their regrets and your success!  Posting a person’s nudes ain’t goana make them respect you! That’s only gonna make you catch a revenge porn case.  That’ll be 4-7 years of your life gone cuz you’re out here trying to ruin a person’s life.  Busting a person’s car window or slashing their tires ain’t gonna make it better.  It’ll only gonna force you to lawyer up and pay them along with court fees. It ain’t worth your freedom to get revenge by being petty.  It’s worth your time to become more  successful and greater than those who screwed you over by working on you, improving day-by-day until you reach your biggest goal, whatever they may be.

In conclusion, the best revenge is massive success.  The greatest way to get over  somebody is to improve yourself and focusing on yourself.   By doing somebody physical or mental harm a payback will only end with your downfall and imprisonment.  You must disdain from that person by any means necessary.  Ignoring them is revenge.  WIninng at life is revenge.

 

With that said I hope you enjoy this freewrite and I hope I have helped anyone with their problems or a break up or getting back at anyone.  I shall be returning to my anime focused writings soon enough ya’ll!

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FREEWRITE: Bosses and Fearing Nothing

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“Rock’s here!  You miss it earlier, he was on a rampage nitpicking every little thing. ” My coworker informs me on our regional manager “Rock” was on  going off on everyone (sans me given I just arrived).

Oh.

“Damn, that bad huh?”  I replied nonchalantly.  I wasn’t concern about “Rock” (name changed cuz I’m not trying to get fired yet), or fearing  his arrival.  I was warned about his visit earlier in the week.  The prior warning gave me time to do my mental training and  job preparations.  Furthermore, I’ve been working both harder and smarter to improve my section and my work ethics (although admittedly I’ve been slacking in some areas).

As fucked up as this sounds, I’m laughing at everyone’s fears (in the inside, of course I would get fired if I did  that externally). At this point, we ‘re informed about Rock’s expectations.  Yea, it’s annoying that dude is in town, but that we expected it.  Adapt or die.

In my time researching (and now owning an actual copy of) the 48 Laws of Power, analyzing the mindset of superiors, being interested on how business are run, and my own desires of being a boss, I figured this out: The only reason why we were trippin’ off Rock’s arrival is because he’s a boss.  Bosses make their worker’s “fear” them. It’s how power works (at times).

Yet, given I’m evolving my own mindset of becoming a boss, and knowing that Rock has to answer to  ahis own bosses despite being a boss, what is there to fear from him?

As long as we’re doing our shit on the daily, and feeling confident in towards our work ethics,  we shouldn’t  worried about this dude.  And on the flip side, he shouldn’t worried if we’re doing what he expect us to do when he come through.  It’s that sense of security; we can put each other’s minds at ease if we perform to our expectations, and beyond.

Hell, I’ve been had this mindset since my second job (working at the Missouri Botanical Garden’s restaurant).  When news of the CEO’s arrival, everyone sans a few cooks and I were in fear.  We both knew what the CEO expected from us, and given that we respected his position of power, I made sure when dude came to our kitchen, and I had it as clean and neat for him.

Plus, my former bosses informed the GMs on my hard work, so my on the line (guard ya rep no matter what ya’ll).  If the CEO would have seen a kitchen a mess, it would not only look bad on me, but my bosses and GMs who told him about my work.  I don’t wanna make people look like liars off my bullshit.

 

I’m not fearful of Rock, but rather respectful of him and his position. As a boss he has to make sure we’re doing our work so he can feel secure about his position.  Because trust me, if he let our bullshit slid, that would be on his head with bosses and that wouldn’ be great on our end.  Plus I interactived with the dude a few times in the past, he seems like he’s chill if he’s not on boss mode, so there’s that.

 

I guess I think differently from my fellow coworkers and the average worker.

 

(I know this is different from my usually writings but I haven’t wrote anything in a while due to my own laziness, and this idea was in my head all day.  Plus, I need to sharpen my writing skills).

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“I Wanna Be Like Dr. Tomoe When I Grow Up!”

Yesterday  during my lunch break at work, I was listening to Grant Cardone’s (American author and CEO)  interview on his 2016 book “Be Obsessed or Be Average” (great book I  highly recommend if you have giant dreams).  During it, he brought up a childhood dream (an obsession even) of on becoming like fictional  movie spy James Bond when he grew up (having the hot women, flashy cars, infinite cash flow, etc.).  Cardone’s reflection of his childhood dreams and goals reminded myself of my own innocent dream of becoming like Dr. Tomoe; villain of Sailor Moon S.

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Yes, that Dr. Tomoe. The crazed cracklin’, evil science experimenting, nutjob ass dude with the clichéd evil badguy laugh.  That is the Dr. Tomoe I’m talking about.  As a child,  I wanted to be like him as a kid (I was a weird kid).    Why?  Well, here some reasons why!

Going back to  a previous post, my very first episode of Sailor Moon had the infamous fake orgasms  Twister game with Mimete and the reminding Witches 5. We see Professor Tomoe enjoying (albeit creepily) his all-female staff playing Twister in short shirts, lab coats, and high heels.  Tomoe enters the room and the women welcome him warmly.  After debriefing Minmete on her next mission, Tomoe continue the game of Twister with the other women, taking pleasure in being surrounded by smart and sexy science lady nerds .

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“I wanna be like Dr. Tomoe when I grow up!” I declared!  What ten-year-old male doesn’t wanna grow up to have a secret lab filled with sexy science nerds, man?

“He has women in high heels and lab coats playing Twister with him. I want that in life. Also I wonder if he’s fucking all of them behind their backs.  I would do that too if I was him.”

Oh ten-year-old me was full of hopes and dreams.  Oh Ben.  You were so innocent back then!  But really, that one definite scene  inspired me to work and learn hard, so that one day I could be like that creepy blackface paint like science man on the new anime.

To have the beautiful women working for me and  my business. Ten-year-old wanted that.  Today? I still want that.  Create humanoid  monsters from alien eggs to take over the world. Ten year old wanted that shit. Me today? I would get locked up for unethical science experiments and terrorism.

As ten-year-old me continued to watch Sailor Moon S, I was impress by Profressor Tomoe and what he had.   I was quickly inspired by the man, with him becoming one of my favorite characters in the series. The business. The school he founded.  The money and giant house.  And the women.

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Kaorinite.  Tomoe’s  beautiful (and incredibly crazy) lab assistance.  I mean, no wonder he hand selected her to be his personal assistance.  I mean she’s straight up beautiful, smart as fuck, has big ol nice ass cow tits, and probably has a S-rank  blowjob game in bed (hey I’m just saying).

For her character arc in the beginning of the S, to  her first death, and finally her second death at the hands of Mistress 9, Kaorinite was by Tomoe side.  My dude Tomoe had a fine ass chick by him at nearly all times.  She must had been that special because he brought her back to life after her first death at the hands of the Sailor Scouts.

I want a Kaorinite in my life (sans all the crazy homicidal shit and her abusiveness towards children [poor Hotaru]) Like,  a fine ass sexy woman by my side when I become a successful person.  Introduce her to at a party  or an event and everyone starts looking at her.  Have  their breath taken away from not only her beauty and grace, but her presence and wisdom.  Have people hate on me because I have her and she doesn’t not.

Finally, the last factor that made me go “I Wanna Be Like Dr. Tomoe” was his powerful  relationship with his daughter, Hotaru.

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Despite being incredibly busy with his personal work, Tomoe made time to spend time with Hotaru.  It’s clear that they’re close as Hotaru happily introduced Chibi-Usa to him (but that’s for another post).  At the final few episodes of the S arc, Professor Tomoe is risking his life to save and protect Hotaru (after she transformed into Mistress 9 See, that’s a real ass father.  Taking time off  time to take care of daughter. Then we have his willingness to protect her at all costs, by any means.

Granted, personally I don’t want kids anytime soon (or ever), but if I ever had a kid, I would done the same he did with his kid.  Take the time from my own shit to be around them. To protect them at all cost.

As a kid I had this innocent, but wild dream to be like a fictional cartoon anime character.  I want what he had: beautiful women (the Witches 5 and Kaorinite), the money and own business,  the nice mansion, and family.  Am I working on that childish dream today as an adult?  Yes.  It might be taking slower than I want but I know I can get it if I push myself.

Thanks Professor Tomoe! your crazy ass inspired me to become a man like ya.

 

(Fuck Crystal/Manga Professor Tomoe tho.  That nigga’s a piece of shit.  Don’t be like him.)

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FREEWRITE: Haruhi Suzumiya and Law 6 of the 48 Laws of Power

‘Law 6: Court Attention at All Cost’

-Robert Greene, author of the 48 Laws of Power

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To say that Haruhi Suzumiya (The Melachonholy of Haruhi Suzumiya) is a bit of an attention whore is a grave understatement.  Haruhi lusts for attention.  She demands notability.  She wants all eyes on her like Tupac.  To Haruhi, the world should  and must revolve around only on her. (of course, she’s God after all, so she’s not. She’s not wrong to think that [despite unaware of her godly reality wrapping powers]). Every day, she makes an effort to be noticed, to have people know her name, and who she is.  She doesn’t care if people speak of her in a negative light; it keeps her name circulating. She loves it.

Haruhi  doesn’t want to fade in the background.  She does not want be average, or one of faceless many in the world. Haruhi’s drive is to become extraordinary and different from the rest of the world.  To understand this drive, we must look at her flashback scene from episode 13 of season 1.

‘So I figure I would change myself in middle school. Let the world know that I wasn’t a girl content with sitting around and waiting.’
-Haruhi Suzumiya

As they’re walking home from school, Haruhi tells Kyon the story of her family going a baseball game as a child. Haruhi was amazed at the sight of the overflowing, sold out stadium. She believed that the entire population of   Japan came together at the venue to watch baseball.  When she asked her dad about the number of people in attendance, he told her around 200,000 people. These people, including herself, only made up very small fraction Japan’s population (around 128 million during the show’s original run in 2006).  After returning home from the game,  she did the math, breaking down the attendance , compared it to the entire population of Japan, and discovered that it only made one two-thousandth of the population of Japan.

Haruhi was just one of many. A  drop in the massive and everlasting ocean.

Realizing this, she no longer felt special.  Haruhi was just like everyone else; doing the same shit (brushing her teeth, eating breakfast, going to school, etc.).  Life became boring. What’s life when you’re just like everyone else? Maybe in the world, there was somebody amazing, unique, and extraordinary And yet, it wasn’t her.

At this  revelation,  Haruhi  had to  stand out from the rest of the world. She to get up and demand change by her own will. To  not become content with being average.  She had to make her mark in the world by any means. To court attention at all cost.

 

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Be obsessed or be average.’

-Grant Cardone, American CEO, Author, and motivation speaker

 

Later, Haruhi set out to achieve her dream of being noticed and not average. On her first day of high school, she proudly introduces herself and states that she isn’t interested normal humans.  Rather, she wants to meet with time travelers, aliens, and espers. This caused a stir in her homeroom, making people think just who the fuck is this childish girl, and why does she still believe in such things at the age of 15?

Throughout the series, Haruhi attempts (and mostly succeed at) various actions to be noticed.  She devolved a system to change her hairdo by style (she even went as far to wear a different hair ribbion each day).  She stripped down from her school uniform into her gym clothes, not caring if her male peers were watching. She attempted to join every school club, only to dip out from each and forming her own club: The SOS Brigade. She stole the show at her school festival, filling in for a sick guitarist ( revealing that she’s an amazing musician in her own right). All in the name of courting attention.   She places herself at the center of it all, regardless of what others may think.

It’s her world.  She just want all the attention.

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‘A normal life’s boring’

-Eminem, American Rapper

Haruhi’s World art source:
http://photobucket.com/gallery/http://s634.photobucket.com/user/MawsCM

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FREEWRITE: ZUN, and the Passion of the Craft

The other day,  I was browsing through a Touhou fangroup  on Facebook when I came across an topic: ZUN’s networth, and how much money he makes off his games and other products.  We threw in our (not so educated) guesses out, ranging from being completely broke due to his alcoholism love for beer, really broke from snorting cocaine off the asses  of  Sanae  cosplayers at Comiket, to being incredibly well off from the games, his day job (network programmer), and having some passive income (apparently he invested in  a brewery in Japan [yay sin investments] and SONY is giving him passive income for the PS4 Touhou games,  but neither statement  has not yet been confirmed).

Somebody brought up an article with statements from ZUN . Zun states that even  if he wasn’t making money off to make Touhou games, he would still make them regardless, as he is passionate about game design.

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To ZUN, that’s a shot glass.

(ZUN reminds me of another doujinshi game designer and writer, Ryukishi07 [When They Cry series creator], another dude who loves making games just for the joy for it, but that’s for another freewrite)

ZUN  spreads the lore of Gensokyo (the fictional land of Touhou), not for the love of money, but for the love of his fans and  his passion of storytelling.  ZUN finds fulfillment from his craft, his art.  Naturally, everyone in the topic started to respect him more than ever (ZUN seems like a very cool and chill guy). This got me thinking a bit; am I doing this writing  thing for fame  and money, or am I doing this because I love writing and I want to share my views to the world?

Or to go a little deeper; is there a greater sense of fulfillment by working on my passion so I can spread my words to the world?  Do I want to influence others and have them think about anime and otaku culture on a deeepr level?  Or am I doing this for my own pride and ego?

Maybe one day I’ll find the answer.  Maybe one day I’ll become just like ZUN and keep pushing out my writings because I find it fun and I want others to be happy and find joy from it.  Thanks ZUN, not only for your hard work, but also inspiring me to work on my passion for the joy of it!

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Chibi-Usa: The Real Ass Friend (Drunken Freewrite)

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Chibi-Usa is a real ass friend.  Even when Hotaru was revealed as Sailor Saturn (AKA Purple Sailor Moon), the solider of destruction,  Chibi-Usa stuck by her side.   The kid even put herself the way of a combined World Shaking-Deep Submerge-Dead Scream, an attack that would had certainly kill her,  just to protect her friend (Saturn!Hotaru would had tanked it but still) Most of ya fake ass niggas out there wouldn’t help your friend if they jumped by some weak ass bitches.

When Chibi-Usa had her Pure Heart snatched from her body (or her crystal thing stolen in the manga by Mistress 9 idunno what’s it called) by Hotaru (under the influence of Mistress 9), she was happy that her friend was “safe”, putting Hotaru’s well-being first, and hers last.

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Personally, I would question my selection of friends after this, but that’s just me.

Next, there’s the opening scene in episode 31 of S where Chibi-Usa goes off on Pluto (somebody who is like a second mother to her), telling the Senshi of Time that Hotaru is her best friend, and that she does not deserve to be harmed    Following that, in her fury, Chibi-Usa tells Pluto that she hates her, thinking that Pluto and the two lesbian incestuous cousins Outer Sailor Scouts took  Hotaru away or something.

Chibi-Usa is truly a real ass friend.

‘Friends ‎– how many of us have them?
Friends ‎– ones we can depend on
Friends ‎– how many of us have them?
Friends ‎– before we go any further, let’s be
Friends’

-Whodini: Friends (1984 hip-hop single)

With Hotaru’s character arc in Infinity came Chibi-Usa’s character evolution (which I’m too drunk to actually analyze how their friendship caused this).  The start of Chibi-Usa’s new development can be pinpointed to when they first meet on that faithful day at some park.  Chibi-Usa’s cheap looking hat is swept away off her head by the wind. The wind carries her hat near a frail looking goth kid, around 12 years of age or so, reading  a book or whatever the fuck gothic lookin’ Japanese kids like her do in spare time at the park.

The girl notices the hat heading to the river for and rushes towards it to save it. Perhaps the girl thought if she could save Chibi-Usa’s hat, she can finally have a friend for once in her sad life and not be completely miserable in her loneliness. For her selfless hat saving duties  of the day, the Good Samaritan is rewarded with a seizure.  Good job Chibi-Usa you almost killed a girl.

Kids, this is why you don’t do shit for people you don’t know.

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That aside, Chibi-Usa thanks her newest bestest friend in the whole wide world, Hotaru Tomoe (mostly due to the writing of their newfound friendship felling forced, but that’s for another alcohol fuled night).  Chibi-Usa finally made a new friend despite having friends prior to meeting the weird ass lonely girl in the park, but something felt special about this meeting.  That or Chibi-Usa sensed Hotaru had no friends and she wanted to be nice cuz Hotaru looks like a bullied white kid that would shoot up a school, hang herself in her closet, or both.

(Don’t get me started on manga Hotaru holy fuck she was ready to die I’m not talking about that Biggie Smalls album)

After the monster-of-the-week (or a primitive Daimon if you’re going by the manga or the Crystal anime) gets bodied by Sailor Moon (but not before beating Chibi-Usa’s ass) , we learn that Hotaru has a secret that made her lonely in the first place: entry level healing factor powers.  Like, she can only heal minor scratches and cuts.  Not  like Wolverine level healing factor where he  can restore his entire body from their just their his damn skeleton in a matters of seconds.

Hotaru can just heal minor shit, that’s it.  No wonder your peers bullied you growing up*, your healing powers suck.  Even your new best friend Chibi-Usa wasn’t impressed by yours powers.  She’s a fuckin’ time traveling magical girl from the future, and her mom is like some goddess version of  Classic Doctor Strange on steroids (as if Classic Doctor Strange wasn’t on magical steroids already)  with reality wrapping powers and bullshit hax.  You tried Hotaru.  You tried.

*(Hotaru also got bullied cuz she had violent mood swings from being possessed  by an evil  space alien bitch and viciously attacked a classmate but that’s’ not important)

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My drunken inner asshole aside, Chibi-Usa was impressed by Hotaru’s powers.   Finally, there was somebody her age who had powers as well.  Hell in fact, Chibi didn’t find Hotaru’s powers weird or creepy at all.  She found it cool.  Hotaru finally felt accepted, even if it just by one person.  Baby steps kid.  Baby steps.

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Homura and Madoka: A1s since Day 1.

Over the course of S, 90s Homura and Madoka grew closer. Chibi-Usa gets Hotaru out of the house more often to  go to fun cool places, hang out with Usagi’s crew and other shit to help Hotaru not feel like she has a worthless, sad life.

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Chibi-Usa also introduce Hotaru to weed as well cuz Hotaru needs to smoke.  And she also needs to  go see a mental health counselor jesus fucking chirst. 

 

Anyways, the alcohol is taking it’s toll on me, and I gotta work in the morning.  I hope you enjoy my drunken freewrite as much as my liver enjoyed taking punishment from alcoholic drinks just because I thought it would be great to write about fictional anime girls while drunks!

 

Where I stole the screencaps:
https://prettysoldierproject.com/

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“Real Niggas Do What They Wanna Do. Bitch Niggas Do What They Can Do.” (Freewrite)

I’m a 90s hip-hop fan, with the late Tupac Shakur as one of my favorite rappers from the era.   “Staring Through My Rare View” (which the title of this freewrite is from),  is my favorite work by the legend, as to me, can describes one own desires of achieving their dreams , goals, and how one yearn to reach  their personal level of success by any means.

As stated from an earlier post about my pride and ego, for most my childhood and teen life, I was told I’d never be successful with having a learning disability and being in special education.  Overtime I managed to prove the doubters wrong . However, with recent unwanted interactions from a toxic person ()whom I had cut off a year ago) who decided to remind me of my past struggles, my pride and ego has been working overtime to prove yet another doubter wrong to say the least.

This is where the line “Real niggas do what they wanna do” comes to play.

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I do not know what’s going on in my head (in combination with my desires), but I have this drive to do whatever the fuck I please in order to reach what I want in life, or at the very least, achieve  my own personal short or long terms goals  then move forward to the next one.   Even with things not going how I want it right now, me starting on this anime blogging (and now “vlogging”) journey at an late age compare to most others, and working full time, I still gonna do whatever I want to gain higher success.

Massive success even.

There’s more from life I want then just doing the same shit everyone else is doing.  I wanna new shit rather than doing the same old bullshit from last year.  Maybe this what Haruhi Suzumiya probably felt when she realized she can do whatever she pleased  on that fateful day of realization watching baseball with her dad (gotta keep this somehow anime related).

So, I’m just going to keep doing me. Do whatever I wanna do in life, and for my passion.

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On My Pride, My Ego, My Ambitions, and Helping Others (Freewrite)

The other day on Facebook, I created a status about haters. I stated if you have them, you’re making moves.  My homegirl, who’s incredibly infamous in her field, and have a lot of haters, replied with “YES I DO LOL!”.  I asked “How can I get more haters fam!” given she’s the expert of gaining them.

 

She followed up with some real shit.

“Do you want my honest opinion?  Your ambition isn’t that high.  You have form, but no clear refinement, or clear purpose, or agenda.  Set the path up for yourself to contribute something worthy of recognition towards society and the haters will come and drove.   Stop practicing your trolling skills online doing nothing.  Instead of trolling to seek hateres, use your social skills to improve people’s lives, and make a positive impact for both their lives, and your own.”

(The last sentence is a paraphrase, but whatever.  The message is still there)

This made me think hard about myself, and my life goals hardcore.

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Ever since I got back from Anime Central, my ego, arrogance levels, and pride, were growing larger.  I managed to  successfully run a room party with my friend (bartending the party), made new contacts, expanded my network, and managed to promote my blog and brand.

My ego was on an all-time high.  I felt unstoppable, and needed to reach higher and yield more results, but just for myself, Nobody else.

Years of being the underdog, belittled, bullied, and people calling you a failure at life because you were in special education for academics weaknesses does that to your ego; make it larger after success.  Sans a handful of people, who I guess saw I had more potential than what I gave myself credit for (growing up with low self-esteem issues is a bitch),  people counted me out, telling me I’ll never be successful.

For years, I just let that shit bottled up inside me, trying to ignore it subconsciously.  However, it manifested itself into pride, and a sort of “revenge mission” against the haters, doubters, and niggas who belittled me.
The breaking point of this was when my brother, who I haven’t talked to a year (due to his own petty bullshit) decided to randomly text me, calling me a failure, a retard, and a loser who’ll never do anything with my life. He went on to compared me to our uncle, who (in my brother words “a fucking failure”) . That shit made me berserk, and made my focus to produce more work.

I wasn’t working to make others enjoy my work.  I was working to feed my ego, and stunt on this family member. I’m gonna admit something; My Sailor Moon S’s analysis  and my analysis on Hitagi’s mental state  were results from my anger towards this family member who was doubting my success (the last two themes  of my Sailor Moon S analysis was rushed just so I could prove a point and prove this man wrong, not because I was passionate)
‘I WILL be successful and I make every last one of ya who counted me out or made me felt bad about myself regret saying all that shit.’

-Benjamin’s Pride.

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My current cover pic on Facebook.  Updated out of pure pride.

When my friend (and another one whom I spoke to in private) to me I could do so much more by helping others with my skills, rather than using them  just feed my ego, and increase haters, it awoken something in me: The drive to help others.

I’ve known and befriended many people over the last seven years of my life.  I can easily help them, and more.

Saw a friend  who was upset with their family fuckin’ with them (not going into details, as that’s their busssiness), and I figure “Well, guess I better put whatever fucking skills I have to good use and help this friend out.”

Besides, I’m so used to dealing with an insecure family member’s petty bullshit.  Let me use my experience with them to help my friend feel better and have a space to get out their anger.  If I can make my friend feel better, and push themselves to prove their family members wrong, then I guess I’m on the right path.

Another friend was having problems letting go the past, being insecure, and confidence issues.  Three fields I’m an expert in! Not going into details (because again, I don’t wanna put their business out there), but I told my friend she need to focus on herself first and foremost.  Find something that she’s proud of that she done, and build confidence off that.  In addition, taught her that it’s normal to have insecurities, but to also work and improve them, so she can be more secure and happy with herself.

When she told me that she was glad she was able to speak to me about those topics, that legit made me happy.  Another friend is feeling better about themselves, because I helped them out.

May I say, happy others really feel good?  Perhaps I really should focus on that skill, and build up my ambitions through helping.

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Rika to Bernkastel (Freewrite)

NOTE: This freewrite is based off memories of my experience with the  When They Cry series (Higurashi and Umineko)  I am too lazy to check if what I said are correct .  I may have some information wrong.

I’ve always enjoy characters that started out as heroes, but grew into villains.  It’s interesting to see what  events have such an impact on them that they decided to say “fuck it”,  evolving into a villain.  Some become villains due to an incident.  Others as a result of losing their hope and giving up on their goals.

I feel like Rika Furude from Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni (When The Cicadas Cry)  is such a heroine-turn-villain by the factors previously mentioned.  Tragic factors that caused the young child to become the sadistic witch, Bernkastel.

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Oh innocent Rika. So full of hope and optimism despite a fucked up life.

Rika had a pretty fucked up life despite being so young.  She’s theorized to be the queen carrier of the Hinamizawa Syndrone (a virus that cause victims to go into a psychiatric rage, increase anxiety, and commit violent homicidal and suicidal acts), her parents are dead, she can’t escape a timeloop that ends with her death,  is an alcoholic at the age of 9, and she also tried to stab Santa Clause to death.

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Seriously she really did try to murder Santa Claus. 

Initially, Rika started out as an optimistic and happy child, She  believed she could prevent the endless June 1983 tragic events.  She wouldn’t give up, no matter how bleak each situation felt.  Even when Hanyuu (her ancestor ghost or  whatever the fuck she is) flat out told her in the Massacre Arc that she and her friends will die, she just simply brush her aside, stating that she will defeat fate.

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Rika in her alcoholic rage.

Of course, Rika failed and Hanyuu was once again right.  Her friends got gun down by Miyo (the series’s true villain, who also had a fucked up childhood) and Rika got gutted by the crazed nurse-turned-terrorist.  Rika was proven wrong once again.  Don’t have hope children or you’ll end up like Rika.

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Keep thinkin’ that kiddo.

After a few oh let’s say hundred years’ worth of  losing and watching her  friends and love ones die , Rika’s mind and views changed. Once a girl full of hope was slowly becoming hopeless. Overtime, she stop caring about fighting against fate and saving her friends.   She became numb and cold.  Emotionless even.

She became Bernkastel, the witch of Miracles; A collection of hopeless Rikas from different worlds and timelines fused into one sadistic being.

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‘Lord, I don’t cry no more
Don’t look to the sky no more
Have mercy on me
Have mercy on my soul
Somewhere my heart turned cold’

“Many Men” by 50 Cent (American rapper)

Bernkastel is one of the main villains of Umineko no Naku Koro ni (When The Seagulls Cry), the spiritual successor to Higurashi (which I’m not gonna go into in-depth details with both series about their relation.  It’s fucking crazy). Simply put, Bernkastel is a piece of shit. She loves fucking with people, playing mind games with them.  She use people for her personal gain.  She’ll act like she’s your friend and ally, only to fuck you over at the end.   Ange Ushiromiya (a girl with her own tragic past and pain) had to learn that shit the hard way.

Boy did she learn the hard way.

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Best Umineko girl

Simply put, Bern doesn’t give a fuck about you.  Only herself.  Maybe her lover Lambdadelta and her teacher Featherine. But that’s it.  Bernkastel is the type of person who has clearly been through some shit. Horrible shit that changed her.  The way she deals with that shit is by passing her own pain upon others to make her feel better about herself.  She wants others to experience the pain she went through from her past.  A past she really hates.

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To conclude this unorganized freewrite, horrible events creates horrible people who started out nice and heroic. Rika was an innocent carefree girl, and yet due to being a victim one too many time, became a horrible corrupted being who had her point of view destroyed.

higurashinonakukoronirei_04-00

 

 

ART SOURCES:

Shut the Fuck Up Hanyu:
http://kyousgayart.tumblr.com/post/89109835477/serious-higurashi-fanart

 

Rika and Bernkastel

https://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=28677576

 

Feature image:
https://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=207464