Warning: Major Act 1 spoilers.  Major game spoilers below for certain characters.  Don’t read this and then get mad at me because I spoiled shit.

Last week, I decided to download Doki Doki Literature Club (DDLC) after six months of being bombard with memes, spoilers, and discussion across social media about the game.   With my friends filling me in on the game’s meta creepiness and horror, I figured it would be smart for me to buy some alcohol,  hit up my weedman for some loud, and get my mind right before playing DDLC.  In addition, I downloaded some Monika hentai off Danbooru and Rule 34; placing the hentai in the game’s folder. My homeboy told me that she can pull up your internet history. Apparently, she also reveals that she knows that you have porn of her.

If this game gonna fuck with my head,  I’m gonna fuck with its head.

After drinking a 32 ounce of cheap ass Miller Beer, a glass wine, and smoking a blunt,  I booted up DDLC. The game warned me that I may not have a good time playing it. Of course, the game is wrong because I always have fun tearing overhyped shit apart.  Next, I had to give my character a name. First, I went with “RealNigga”; a reflection of me being the realest nigga in the otaku community (a title nobody will ever take from me). However, I changed it to “YourName” just to see if the game picks up on me being a smart ass.  Plus, I wanted to see if Monika said something about that (since she knows your PC name and gets angry with you for not stating your “real” name).

The game begins.  I’m greeted with the generic happy-go-lucky childhood friend Sayori aka “Hangtime” (and I’m not talking about NBA Hangtime for the Nintendo 64).  I decided not to romance her for obvious reasons.  Next, the game proceeds to the literature club where I meet the rest of the cast of the game. First, best shy girl Yuri. Yuri is just Hanako and Lily from Katawa Shoujo (who somehow learned how to do the Fusion Dance from Dragon Ball Z).  Following Yuri, there’s the low-key otaku Natsuki who’s a tsundere. I hate most tsundere characters, but Natsuki gets a pass due to reasons I’ll explore in a future post (maybe). Finally, Just Monika Lewinsky – the club president and game’s true villain or some shit.

Oh yea spoilers my bad.

With the girls presented this was my gameplan: romance Yuri and Monika at the same time. The other girls can go fuck themselves. Yuri has wisdom and knowledge.  I love wisdom and knowledge.  Monika has power and influence – two things I want in life.  Sayori will become ceiling decoration by the end of act 1. Natsuki (although a good character), doesn’t appeal to me just yet.  Moving forward, I did my first poem writing mini-game bullshit thing.  Being the crafty man that I am, I selected the words that I knew would get me to Yuri’s Act 1 route.

Look, I have a storied history of liking shy, quiet, weird people who are secretly interesting, smart, sophisticated, what have you.  I used to be super shy, weird, and quiet so I relate to those characters heavily.

Plus, purple is my favorite color. Yuri has purple hair and eyes.  I am a biased man.

After befriending Yuri I realized that the game must have programmed Sayori to become aware of this relationship. Sayori started saying things like “Would you walk with Yuri back home over me?” and “It won’t be long until you need me anymore, you know.” It worsens when Sayori admitted that she had life-long depression and suicidal thoughts. It was then where I said to myself “Oh fuck…” and realized I made a horrible mistake.

The two glasses of wine, the beer, and the blunt I consumed didn’t help this either.

The next day (in-game), the MC and Yuri did some club project bullshit.  Yuri came over to MC’s house to work on club promotion.  Yuri (clearly trying to get some dick) gave the MC a sample of her aromatherapy talent.  Following that, she shows her knife off to the MC (who winds up cutting himself with it).  With Yuri freaking out she decided to put the dude’s finger in her mouth and lick his wound.  Then MC returned the favor, licking her finger and she started to blush.

Hmm…

So after that, the two decided to end their day.   The MC walked her out of the crib and by pure luck, Sayori catches their asses.  Sayori admits she was going to the house to confirm her fears – which were proven right.  I dunno what’s worse: The main chick catching you with the side chick coming out of your house, or your female childhood best friend – who you know has a crush on your – seeing you with another girl. I myself never been in either situation. All my female childhood friends are probably dead, racist, or have forgotten about me.  And I don’t have the balls to do the main chick/side chick shit. I can’t explain that shit to you.

Either way, pretty sure that worsen Sayori’s depression – which I will learn the hard way.

The next school day, I’m greeted by Monika.  She informs me that Sayori hasn’t shown up to school and states that I kinda left her hanging that morning. Monika, that’s fucking dark. Funny. But dark. But real shit I knew what was happening next.  I drank another glass of wine to prep myself.  Monika gives me Sayori’s final poem to read simply titled Get Out of my Head. I admit the title wasn’t subtle but I was getting scared playing the game. After school, the MC heads over to Sayori’s house.

I’m assuming you’re already hip to the Sayori’s suicide spoilers so fuck the details. If you’re not well you’re goofy for reading this far even with the spoiler warning. Anyway, as the MC was freaking out seeing his homegirl’s hanging body he says something like “This isn’t a game where I can reset and try something different.”

A smirk flashed across my face.  I pointed to my laptop’s screen and simply said “Bet.”  I made a second save file just in case if the game branches off to a new path (if you attempt to quit or escape Sayori’s room). My plan wasn’t to start over per se but to experiment with the different things you can do with the game.  So I saved, quit, and launched the game.

The game starts up, but I’m greeted with glitchy ass music and a gltich image of Monika (replacing Sayori).  I couldn’t access my load files.  In fact, they were all deleted.  “Fuck.  Maybe I was supposed to read that entire scene after all.”

That’s what I get for trying to play the metagame against a game that’s programmed to fuck with you using meta.

AFTERWORD:
Doki Doki Literature Club is amazing.  Go play it.  Just don’t do in under the influence of drugs and alcohol if you’re easily scared.  The music sucks tho. Not sorry. Project M died for this.