Just imagine: You’re a normal schoolgirl living a normal life in Japan, America, or whatever the fuck you’re from. You do normal schoolgirl things like homework, talk about boys, join clubs, and worrying about if the beta incel loser who think women owes him pussy will finally snap and shoot up the school. You live an average life with you and your friends having fun and thinking about the future after high school.
One day, you have an epiphany: Everything you know about your life was a complete lie.
You’re not a real person – you’re a computer game character trapped in a visual novel made by some computer nerd who used to make mods for a children party game that was ruined by a bunch of sad, loser ass manchildren who turned it into a “fighting” game. Your peers are nothing more but data. The school you love? It’s a simulation. Your friends? Programmed to fall in love with some sad virgin weeaboo jacking off to hentai of said friends after the finished playing the game while you sit on the sidelines questioning your existence. So what you going to do with your new Godlike self-aware powers?
Brainwash and Kill your friends, disrupt the game and force the player to fall in love with you of course!
Monika gets a lot of shit in the DDLC fandom. People claim that she’s a sociopath. People hate on her because she killed their cliche’ waifu. Fans of Monika (like myself) are accused of being morally bankrupt and corrupt. Me personally? I think Monika is a power player and was a G for taking advantage of her situation. If you had absolute power, or seek it, wouldn’t you do anything by any means to get what you want?
Monika was simply playing the game of power to her advantage. She understood that her friends were nothing more but lines of data. She wasn’t killing anyone real. Besides, what would have happened if one of them became self-aware? Surely they would have tried to take out Monika and anyone else in their way. Knowing this, I can’t fault Monika for her actions.
She had to do everything within her power to ensure victory.
What are the goals for dealing with rivals in sports, business, the workplace, what have you? Take out anyone in your way, dominate and intimidate them all. You take them out by sheer force and superior skills. You dominate by being better, maintaining your number spot, and being innovating. Finally, you intimidate through brutal, savage actions – making sure nobody else tries to step up to you and knock you out of first place. Monika did all three. Screwing with the game’s programming was intimidation. She made Sayori hang herself, Natsuki snap her neck, and Yuri stab herself to death: taking out the competition. And finally, she dominated the system. Simple power plays if you ask me.
Don’t hate the player or the game. Be the player and take advantage of the game.
‘This game will not have a happy ending.’ -Bernkastel, Umineko no Naku Koro ni
Major Spoilers: I lied. Sayori is the final boss.
Warning: You should already know by now I play this game and write about it drunk.
I was warned that DDLC wouldn’t have a happy ending. I shouldn’t sweat it too much; given I’m a fan of Umineko no Naku Koro ni: A 07th Expansion visual novel that too didn’t end happily. The first half of my favorite Fire Emblem game, Fire Emblem 4: Genealogy of the Holy War, also didn’t end well. And my favorite Persona game, Persona 3, had a depressing ending. (Jesus fuck, maybe I’m secretly sad that’s why I like downer endings) Did I spoil myself on the bad ending for DDLC? Yes. But, I think by spoiling it, it drove me to finish the game (to see how sad and depressing the game ending is). To tell the truth, I love it when consumer media concludes with a downer ending. The happy ending thing is played out. Fuck that happier ever happy shit.
Sometimes, you need a reminder of how brutal and unfair life can be.
After killing Monika I restarted the game. It started as normal, expect Monika isn’t on the title screen. Yay! The wicked bitch is dead! The game resume starting with act 1 like nothing happened expect the recently revived Sayori is now the president….Shes’ gonna be self-aware like Monika, isn’t she?
In any case, MC — rather, the player – joins the Literature Club. Given Sayori’s position on the screen, she is the club’s president. Yuri is on her left, so I’m assuming she retains her vice-president role. The BGM is the title screen music. Ya know, with the piano playing the melody. Didn’t Monika play the piano? Hold up…
Sayori gets all happy that the MC has joined her club. You know, it’s kinda depressing: Sayori is happy Everyone is acting normal like they didn’t go through the chaos from Monika. Yet, we the players knew what these girls went through. We know what is to come. And there’s nothing we can do about it.
Sucks, doesn’t it?
As the girls celebrate the formation of the club, I couldn’t help but notice how more friendly Natsuki and Yuri are towards each other. In Act 2 they were at each other throats, belittling one another and judging their hobbies. In Act 4 however, they seem to respect one another, with Yuri wanting to learn more about manga and Natsuki wanting to learn about novel through Yuri. What did I say in my Act 2 Part 2 writings? Natsuki and Yuri could get along and become close friends – best friends even.
(To tell the truth, I’d love to see a mod or a non-h doujin with Natsuki and Yuri as they form a powerful bond. Natsuki could help Yuri overcome her fears, become more confident with herself, and fight her bullies. Yuri could help Natsuki learning about the arts.)
As MC and Sayori speak about how fun the club will become, Sayori thanks me (not MC), for getting rid of Monika. I start to freak out as I’m still drunk from writing my Act 3 shit and the music becomes creepy and distorted. Doesn’t help that I’m wearing earbuds that are programmed to be bass boasted.
I made a terrible mistake, haven’t I?
I’m prepping myself for any jump scares or freaky shit so I may become sober as we get deep into this post. Which probably is a catch 22 because Sayori revealed that she knew Monika did all the horrible things she did to the girls and the player. She talks about how MCI made her the happiest girl in the world…hold up, didn’t Monika said some shit like this as well? Please don’t tell me I gotta deal with another murderous nutjob girl who trying to get with the MC. I already had enough of that bullshit for one play through.
Sigh…do I have to delete another yandere bitch? To quote a 90s Nickelodeon co-star “Awww here it goes!”
I’m sure the game knows I don’t wanna go through this bullshit again because the first choice of this act is “No.” Thank you game, I appreciate you. Sayori’s spelling out “FOREVER” was creeping me the fuck out. Hold up, the game isn’t saving me…it’s Monika.
Monika starts to hakai Sayori, the club, and the entire game. After that, she starts to sing the game’s ending theme and the credits roll. Apparently, I’m missing a few CG shots (given I have yet to tackle the Natsuki route and I didn’t fucking save scum). Sigh…fuckin’ bad endings.
Continued in Yuki’s Revenge Against This Fuckin’ Entry Level VN.
Warning: Major spoilers for the finale of Act 2 and 3. Yuri dies. Natsuki’s dad uses her as a punching bag. Sayori comes back to life. Monika is the final boss. Gory imagery of your dead visual novel waifu decaying below. Adult themes. Written under the influence of alcohol.
To my fellow Yuri fans; we got shitted on. Boy, we got shitted on. Bad enough she got brainwashed by Monika and was driven to “suicide” by her Bad enough we gotta see her bloody body. But did Dan really have to make us watch her body decay for three days (in game)? Real nigga shit, for 5-10 minutes we see Yuri body fuckin’ decay while Monika basically taunts us talkin’ about how happy she is to have friends in her club and shit. I mean, me personally, my fucked up in the head ass would made Yuri body bloated and do the whole rigor mortis super realistically with the CG art, so I can’t really talk shit. But still, I didn’t wanna see that shit.
…okay I actually didn’t see most of the decaying scene. I got bored and decided to roll up a blunt cuz that shit was taking too long.
I do have a few questions though. How the fuck did MC survive 2-3 days without food or water while he was trapped in the classroom with Yuri’s body? How did this nigga not go insane? He watched his homegirl kill herself and rot in front of his eyes. I’m sure anyone would had gone crazy seeing that shit. Also why didn’t he call anyone up and tell them what happened? I understand he was in shock but after a while you would figure he could made a few phone calls.
Eh, it’s video game logic let me not think about it too much.
The weekend came and gone and MC is still trapped in the school with Yuri’s body. I wonder if he started to eat parts of her body to live. I mean, when you need to survive and there’s no other source of food… Okay, that’s fucked up. Natsuki come up to the club room to prep for the festivial with the reminidng living crew. She spots MC and is surprise that he arrived earlier than her. A few days earlier but still early. As Natsuki is about to prep (for the festival) she sees Yuri’s body and starts to freak out. She also starts to vomit because…yeah, rotting dead body.
Now, I ain’t a forensic nigga, but wouldn’t you think Natsuki would had smelt Yuri’s body before she got into the classroom? She goes in the clasrom carefree and doesn’t smell anything until she hits the classroom. I ain’t gonna look that shit up cuz I don’t want Google to think I’m some serial killer or anything but still, science and everything. Natsuki starts to run away and Monika enters the classroom. She wonders why Natsuki was screaming and runnin’, sees Yuri’s body and put two and two together. Instead of freaking out and/or asking questions Monika simply says “Well, that’s a shame.”
Monika is a fuckin’ psychopath. Or sociopath. Whatever. I ain’t a psychologist.
Monika admits that she was screwing around with the game’s script and by doing so, she forgot to let MC escape the room. Thanks. Your jealously and murderous intent caused this man to have irrssevial psychological damage. Good job. As Monika conitutne to brag about her failure she erased Natsuki and the remains of Yuri like she’s a Dragon Ball Super God of Destruction. You know, I wanna see Monika dressed like a God of Destruction. She’ll be a perfect fit for Universe 3 given it’s an universe heavily focoued on the advancement of technology (with her being an AI program).
Monika talks about how it’s the last time she’ll get to fuck around with the script or something and things get weird. The game glitches out. The classroom changes to this sinster shit in outer space or something I don’t know I’m too drunk to describe it. Monika is happy to see me – not the MC – me. I tried to save the game but Monika doesn’t allow it because she ain’t going anywhere. Joy.
Is this consider the end game? Did I beat the game? I was hoping so cuz I had to work in a few hours (at the time I played this act) and I didn’t wanna deal with this jealous murderous chick and her trying to get into my personal life. First, she asked if my name was really “YourName”. In my head, I’m thinking “no you goofy bitch I was trying to see if the game would pick up on me dicking around and naming myself ‘Your Name” when it asked me to enter your name. Then she asked if I go by “Owner”.
Monika, look. I get you’re in love with the player/me. I get that you may have some kinks like any other normal person. But I am not into pet play or that owner shit. If you’re trying to find a someone to entertain your fetishes I ain’t the one cuz that’s some white people shit. I mean it’s cool to like guys older than you. I myself have a thing for older women. Older women who won’t fuckin’ kill people out of jealously, mind you.
Then I remember that my my laptop is named “Owner”. Whelp!
Monika starts to admit that she made the other girls go crazy in an attempt to get in the player’s pants. She brags about making Sayori’s depression worse in order to make the poor girl commit suicide. Monika didn’t mean to, but shit happens. I understand. But real shit that’s fucked up. She also brags aboutt corrupting Yuri’s obbessive personality. Therefore, it lead her to kill herself. The girls starts to bitch about how lonely she is (you’re a murderer I can see why nobody wanna be around you) and how much it sucked that the other girls were programmed to fall in love with me while she just sit and watched.
Okay. Real nigga shit: If you were Monika and you know you were an AI who could control their fate, wouldn’t you just went ahead and make yourself known in the first place? Make yourself the perfect girl for the player. So perfect that he would have to choose you over the other girls.
Oh wait, Monika’s a fuckin’ idiot nevermind.
I almost feel bad for Monika. Almost. She didn’t chose to be born a program. She didn’t choose to live in an artifical world. Then again, she is also manipulative as fuck so I don’t truly feel sorry for her. She show me a poem she wrote about an happy ending which would had been sweet and cute but you know: the whole trapped in the room of inifinty thing. Monika then asks if I know any artists who could draw her in some casual clothes (given she only wear her school clothes).
Well, there are artist out there but they usually draw Monika without any clothes. You can go search for that I ain’t gonna help you out,
After showing me her poem and her talkin’ she ask that she should look into each other eyes since we have nothing better do to in her world. That’s really fuckin’ boring. For real, I ain’t gonna fuckin’ stare at a fuckin’ piece of anime art for horus on end.
Apperently if you wait a while Monika reveals a few things about herself (she loves animals), the girls (such as Yuri sneaking wine into the school through her purse), and the world she lives in. But like I said, I had money to make and I doubt my boss would be happy that I cameo work late over a fuckin’ video game so I had to delete Monika.
So I did. I closed the game, deleted Monika and restarted it. Monika gets all mad and everything like I did something wrong (because erasing her was a worse crime than her murdering three innocent people). She confessed that she loved me and will always love me. To show her love, she brought the other girls back to life. Yay.
Me personally? I don’t love Monika. Fuck Monika.
“She said ‘do you love me?’ I tell her ‘only partly’ I only love my bed and my momma, I’m sorry.”
Warning: Major spoilers for Act 2. Gory imagery of your dead, entry-level visual novel waifu below. Adult themes. Written while under the influence of alcohol.
I dunno if I mentioned this yet, but Yuri is my favorite character in DDLC. I can to relate to her issues (overthinking, worrying about what others think about me, etc). I used to find it hard to open myself to others due to my own problems of being bullied for being weird (took me years to overcome this). I can talk about the things I love with strong passion for hours. I get happy when I find people who appreciate me and my work.
Now, with that out of the way, can I say that Yuri is fucking crazy as fuck? Did this bitch forgot to take her meds before coming to school? Why does she need to carry a pocket knife around school for? Why did she felt the need to bring up Natsuki’s abuse; all because she wouldn’t win an argument against her? And if she couldn’t be even lower, she tells Monika to kill herself to reveal her stress.
Bitch got issues.
Today’s Yuki Adventures in DDLC won’t have much substance. Been lackin’ due to work. Therefore, this post is based off my ever fading memories (thanks to alcohol and weed). There won’t be as much excitement as my past DDLC adventure posts.
I left off with Monika telling MC that Yuri likes to cut herself (to deal with her emotions) and that I saw something he shouldn’t see. Now, my thing is this: If Monika knows Yuri cuts herself, why doesn’t she help her friend out? Tell her to seek a therapist or somethin’ fam. Ah well. After that, Monika theorizes that Yuri may be cutting herself for sexual pleasure.
Alright, Yuri is into some things. I remember my homegirl telling me that Yuri is freaky. But I didn’t know she was that freaky. Knifeplay is one thing (since you [usually] have to use a dull knife for such acts – don’t ask how I know I just know). But cutting yourself to get off? Yea, no that’s crazy.
Monika concludes with that I should spend more time with her because she’s sane. Monika, sane people don’t call themselves sane. They especially don’t tell their friends to delete their other friends. Oh yea, Monika wanted me to delete Yuri and that it’ll be a difficult decision. Nah, what’s difficult is dealing with a crazy girl who’s plotting against her friends because she can’t get her crush to fuck her. That, and actually deciding if I wanna delete Yuri just to see if I unlocked a path. Of course, the game has a habit of deleting your saved files (because being annoyed that you lost your files when you need to take notes for your blog is true psychological horror…) so I decided against Monika’s wishes.
Monika rants about how much she cares about the MC/me/whatever I don’t care anymore and how we’re the only real people in the club (lazy foreshadowing). She’s not doing a great job at hiding the fact she’s the villain and wants to kill her digital friends. She may have many talents, but hiding her intentions ain’t one of them.
Yuri pops up and pulls MC to the side to ask him some stupid questions. First, she asks him if he noticed Monika’s recent strange behavior. I wanted to say “Yes, you fucking idiot she’s been plottin’ against all y’all since day 1 she is actin’ strange!” but I doubt she could hear me (despite DDLC’s genius level fourth wall breaking gameplay). But yes Yuri, to answer your question Monika has been acting strangely lately. Next, she asked if she’s not crazy or anything.
Well, Yuri, here some things thing:
1. You did lick and suck the MC’s finger clean of blood (after he cut himself on your knife).
2. You’re into knives. Not only that, you get off to the danger of knives.
3. When you were reading with the MC, you started to breath heavy.
4. You touched yourself to MC’s poem and did things to your own poem that I can’t go into full details because this isn’t an adult WordPress site (more on that later)
5. You made Natsuki cry.
5B. You said that nobody would cry or miss her if Natsuki killed herself.
6. You told Monika to kill herself.
Bitch. You’re fuckin’ crazy.
If I was the MC, I’d tell her she is, but that would run the risk of being stabbed to death by her. Yanderes don’t like being called what they are. As the two talk about how much of a fake, slimy snake Monika is guess who pop up a totally heard MC and Yuri’s conversation (because these two idiots didn’t just go further down the hall away from the club to talk shit)? Monika! Personally, I was hoping Monika would grab Yuri by her hair and start beating the shit outta her (for talking that shit behind her) but I didn’t make the game. Look: if you’re gonna talk shit about somebody, make sure they can’t hear you.
Some shit happen that I don’t remember so let’s pretend something happen between that scene and the next poem review scene. Natsuki comes up to MC with her “poem”. Strange, given she hates the poems I make the MC write (because I’m not a weeaboo like her) but MC accepted anyway. Here, we’re are given a look at Natsuki’s softer side. Instead of a poem, Natsuki gives dude a note about Yuri’s strange behavior. It’s revealed that Natsuki secretly cares for Yuri and it hurts her to see Yuri acting abnormally. She wants to help and befriend Yuri but fears Yuri will snap on her (due to their conflicting history).
I’m not shock by this. Yea, Natsuki is a tsundere and that was tsundere do. However, Natsuki’s concerns for Yuri make sense if you compare the two. They’re relentless about their passions. They’re often misunderstood. They will fight to the bitter end in what they believe in. The two tend to hide their issues from others. They will only reveal their true, softer side to those who they can trust.
I can totally see them being close, if not, best friends.
But they won’t. Because Just Fuckin’ Monika. After Natsuki snitched on herself that she actually cares about people, the game starts glitching madly. The text box is spam with the words “Just Monika” over and over until the game “reset” to the title screen. Then, I’m greeted with more “Just Monika” text.
The game resumed per “normal”. MC gave his poem to Yuri and she reads over. Yuri starts to praise it. She loves it. Loves it so much that she tells MC that she’s gonna take it home and fuck herself while reading it. For real, the fuck is wrong with Yuri? After gushing (probably literally) over MC’s poem, she gives him her poem – which is covered in her blood and what I can only guess is either urine or dried up female ejaculatory fluids. And said poem is endowed it with her scent.
I am pretty sure Yuri may have sexually harassed the MC.
Following that, Monika speaks to MC about spending the weekend with her instead of the other girls. Yuri (obviously) didn’t like that idea and goes off on Monika. Yuri calls the kettle black and accuses Monika of being jealous. Then she asks her if she taking her anger and jealously out on the club because she hates herself and if so, she should kill herself (to benefit her mental health).
Boys and girls, this is why Yuri has no friends.
Once that died down, Natsuki and Monika leave school and Yuri is all alone with the MC. Great. The crazy bitch has the boy she wants all by himself. The yandere with the knife collection is alone with the MC. Again, the crazy ass, nutty ass, yandere ass knife lover is alone with the boy she crushin’ on hardcore. What could go wrong?
Yuri confesses to the MC that she’s in love with him. Clearly. Then she reveals that she stole his pen and fucked herself with it. Okay. That’s creepy, but still ain’t that bad. Next, she was like “You love me too, right? You accept my love?”. I’m presented a choice to tell her if I do or not. I said yes: only because I am a fucking idiot who have a thing for smart, quiet, shy girls. And I also have a thing for anime girls with purple hair. Yuri gets excited. Super excited. So excited that she starts to breathe heavy, laughs, and whips out her knife to stab herself to death.
At was at that moment, I knew, I fucked up. Continued in Act 3.
Monika of Doki Doki Literature Club is one fake ass bitch. First off, she tricked everyone with her smile, charming personality, and warm appearance. She made you think that she’s friendly and cool. Yet, she winds up murdering her friends and kidnapping the main character (MC) out of jealousy. Rather than celebrating her friends for getting with the MC, she manipulated their personalities and had them killed. Kinda like how the fake people in our lives act. They see you winning or making moves and rather than to clap for your victories, they be on some passive aggressive shit. They love to talk ill of your achievements. They love to plot against you over what you have (because you have what they don’t). They run their mouths to others about your flaws and spread rumors to discredit you. Seems bad, right?
Nope. It gets worse.
Some fake friends you dead! They wanna see you die! They might even kill you themselves! You don’t even know it. Just like how Sayori, Natsuki, and Yuri were unaware that their “friend” Monika was planning to kill them, you just might have a friend in your circle who wants you dead. They want to kill you because they can’t stand the fact you have more than them. They can’t stand it that you – somebody who wasn’t supposed to be something – became something.
How do you know if you might have a Monika in your circle? Let’s find out.
In order to detect the Monika, we gotta break down what is and what makes a Monika. In short, a Monika is that friend who’s super jealous, insecure, and angry at everyone winning. They see everyone gaining success and that makes them bitter. Because of that, they come up with schemes to bring you down. You ever did something that’s worthy of praise and everyone clapped and celebrate for you it but one of your friends didn’t? Or they say some slick shit about it without any advice to improve and better yourself?
That’s your Monika.
Monika didn’t celebrate any of her friends for getting close to MC. In fact, what makes her pathetic is that Monika had the nerve to talk shit about her friends behind their back. When the MC catches Yuri cutting herself, Monika takes him back to the classroom and the two have a little talk. Monika mentions that Yuri self-harms as an outlet to express her emotions – in addition to possible sexual reasons. Then, she wanna ask you if that kinda messed up.
Nah, what’s mess up is that this bitch knows her homegirl cuts herself and ran her mouth about her friend’s private mental health issues to another friend. A real friend would have been like “Let’s help our homegirl out. Let’s have her talk to a therapist so she can get the help she needs. We need to be there for her and love her regardless of what’s going on in her life.” A real friend would have confronted their friend about their self-harm habits – not spread that information to others.
See, you gotta be careful about telling your flaws and issues to some friends. You may think they care about your issues, but in reality, they don’t. And they will spread that information to others just to make you look and feel bad. Reflect on a time when you told a “friend” about a situation that was personal and private. You thought you did right in telling that friend such information but they turned around and told others. And you only found out after a 3rd party informed you of such details (who wasn’t supposed to have that information).
That’s that Monika shit.
This brings me to my final point. The fake friend – the Monika – will overexaggerate your flaws around others to make you seem like a horrible person. In DDLC, Monika admitted that she manipulated her friends’ negative traits to extreme levels in hopes that she could trick the MC to fall in love with her instead. Sayori was battling life-long depression. Rather than helping her homegirl out, Monika drove Sayori to suicide. Yuri may have been a little passionate about the things she loves. Monika decided to turn Yuri’s passionate personality into that of an aggressive, obsessive love-struck girl. Monika made Natsuki low-ley said some shit about a possible abusive homelife and use it against Natsuki. All of this, just to make her friends looks bad in the MC’s eyes.
In the real world, fake friends will make your negative flaws and traits seem worse than what they already are. If they want to make a villain or somebody that nobody should associate with, they will do it. Fake people love to use your flaws in order to get ahead in life or reach their goals. A real friend will say something about your flaws and help you improve on them. A fake friend stays quiet about your flaws in order to screw you over.
The Monika in your circle will use your flaws against you.
While Monika is a fictional character in a fake world, the dangers of fake, backstabbing friends are real. They let their insecure nature get to their head: driving them to do horrible things to their “friends”. They do not praise the success of their friends. Rather, they talk ill about such things. They see your flaws and errors as a chance to bring you down. They don’t care about improving their own flaws or helping you with yours. They just want to be on top by any selfish means.
If you have a Monika in your circle cut them off now.
Fake friends: When they done talking to you, they start talking about you.
-Nino Brown (from his audiobook Mackin’ and Stackin’ Vol. 2)
Monika’s desires in Doki Doki Literature Club are clearly rooted in jealousy. She is merely a (self-aware) spectator who watches her (scripted) friends fall in love and live a normal school life. Meanwhile, she cannot do anything, as she knows her role as a program. Despite such a situation, she falls in love with the main character (more so the player) but knows she could never get with them. Therefore, she plots against her friends – murdering them one by one – in order to trap the hero and force them to love her.
As I play DDLC and see Monika’s growth as a jealous villain, I’m reminded of another character that was driven by jealousy and love: Kain of Final Fantasy 4. Like Monika, Kain grew jealous of his friend (Cecil) over the fact that Cecil was in a relationship with the heroine, Rosa. Kain was in (unrequited) love with her. Kain grew hatred towards Cecil; plotting to kill him to get with Rosa. Kain failed, however (as his emotions were manipulative by the game’s villain).
“Monika is like Kain. Fuck I wish I knew how to draw.” I told myself as I reached Monika’s villain reveal in DDLC. As she explains her reasoning behind her action, I started to imagine if I had visual artistic talents how I would draw Monika as Kain. Have her in Kain’s Draagoon armor and her holding a lance (with the tip coated in green to symbolize her jealous nature).
Monika Highwind. I think that could work.
For years, I had this wish that I could draw. I used to be envious of my friends who could draw. Our friends would surround the artist of the group as they reveal their last work. I played the violin, but you couldn’t just whip out a violin in the middle of class and play it. So I wasn’t able to showcase my talents. I tried my hand at drawing and even asking my artistic “friend” for help. He just laughed and told me I’d never become a great artist. Sadly,I took that to heart and quit drawing ever since (gotta love toxic friends).
As the years gone by, I regretted not sticking with improving my visual art skills. Yea, I would have suck back in 2004, but in 2018? Perhaps I could done something fantastic with my skills. Right now, I’m kicking myself for listening to said “friend”. For those who don’t know, I’m working on re-hacking a Fire Emblem 4 romhack that uses Touhou characters.
As I’m testing the hack, I’m having visions of the action in-game. I want to draw these visions. Visions of Reimu and Sigurd having a friendly chat. Marisa crying as Alice is struck down dead. Kaguya and Mokou attempting to kill each other with their respective Holy Weapons. Plus, it’ll make for great promotion for the romhack.
If there is something you’ve been wishing you could be doing, don’t delay. Get on that shit today. Don’t let others discourage you from taking action. If you ask your talented friend for advice and they just belittle you, end that friendship right then and there. They mean you no good and they do not wish for your success at all.
Just things I wish I would have known when I was younger.
Warning: Minor and major spoilers for Act 2. If you read this and get mad at me for spoiling things you ’re stupid. This may or may not had been written under the influence of alcohol.
First off, rest in peace Sayori you was a real one. I’ll save you or download a mod where you don’t die after I’ve completed my first run through.
Actually nah, not really. You can stay dead.
After a crazy day at work I decided to go to the liquor store near my house for another large can of Miller Beer (and some Jim Beam shot bottles), head to a park near my crib, rolled up a blunt, and smoke it while drinking (the beer) to get my mind right for Act 2. After that, I headed home and opened up my DDLC folder. Upon opening it I’m greeted with a file: “hxppy thxughts.png”. For a second, I thought I had downloaded while drunk/high (given I like to download weird fanart and hentai when I’m high/drunk), and place the image in the DDLC folder out of pure laziness. Then I remember that as you process in the game you unlock secret shit.
I booted up a new game. The MC made a wisecrack about some genki girl running down the street with bread in her mouth (replacing Sayori). I kinda laughed since this game does make fun of tired anime and visual novel tropes. However, I did stop laughing once the girl’s sprite started glitching. I was more annoyed than shocked through.
The game continued per normal as Act 1; expect Hanako 2.0 is the Vice President. Monika and Moe Fang Tsundere Otaku Girl (forgot her name) reprised their roles. Actually, I lied. The game doesn’t truly continue as normal. Natsuki started doing that Za Warudo shit off Jojo while Yuri’s sprite and the background went into a Dutch Angle; making me think I was playing one of my early 2000s ero-games. Yuri said something like how it’s amazing a writer can take advantage of your lack of imagination and throw you out of a loop.
Thanks Yuri. I thought it was the weed and beer that made me thought I was seeing things and not the game fucking with my head.
Following that, Yuri said something like how the world is full of evil people and how we all worthless at the end. Cool. After the first round of Poem Writing in act 2, I managed to romance Yuri. I was informed earlier that Yuri is a yandere and that she does some crazy shit with knives. Not something like tying up a little girl to a cross and stabbing her to death crazy shit, but somewhere close.
For some reason (for my notes possibly) I took a screenshot of the game from my FRAPS – or so I thought. I pressed “S” on my keyboard thinking I mapped the screenshot hotkey there. My game froze up for a bit and a message popped up: “Screenshot saved to blah blah blah folder”.
“Hold up, does the game know I’m recording and taking screenshots now?” I started to freak out. Yea, the Sayori suicide thing was a bit fucked up. The glitches and jump scare got me a little bit. But the game knowing I’m taking screenshots? That’s too much man. Then I remember: This game was made with that Ren’py engine. The screenshot key is automatically mapped to S.
This game isn’t fucking with me I’m just drunk.
Anyways, I resumed gameplay as normal. Everyone starts to read their poems. Natsuki and Yuri start to form a beautiful friendship/rivalry/a future yuri hentai scene over their poems by cussing each other out and starting a fight. Natsuki hurls some insults towards Yuri; calling her an edgy bitch and a cutter. Yuri claps back, telling Natsuki that she needs to stop acting cute. Me personally, I’m just waiting for Monika to pull out her phone, start recording, and yelling “World Staaaaarrrrrr!”.
Shit if I was the MC, I would instigate the fight further and egg both girls on until one of them snaps and beat the other girl’s ass.
And it looks like I could actually make them fight. The game made me choose between the Yuri and Natsuki. I went for Yuri of course. But the game was like “Nah”. Then I was like “Fuck you I’m picking best girl Yuri.” Despite my wish to do so, the camera kept zooming in towards the Natsuki choice. I tried a few more times until Monika popped up and was like “Nigga you gonna pick Natsuki.”
Monika steps in between the player and the girls and things chilled out. And by chill out, I guess Yuri made a crack about Natsuki’s dad abusing her – causing Natsuki to burst out in tears and leaving the school. Yuri, you should be proud of yourself for making fun of Natsuki’s suffering. I’m kinda glad you did kill yourself.
Yea, Hanako 2.0 winds up stabbing herself to death at the end of Act 2. I’ll come back to that later though. I wanna talk about on how the fuck Yuri found Dagger of Time from The Prince of Persia. Because I think she’s cutting herself with it.
After the fight scene, Yuri decides to make tea for her and the MC. Lovely. Tea is great. I love tea. I’m always down for some tea. Yuri runs off for some water or some shit. I wasn’t paying attention. The MC notices Yuri hasn’t come back and decides to go after her out of concern.
Yea, I don’t blame dude. Yuri’s both a cutter and a yandere. I’ve seen enough shit tier anime featuring yanderes to know that you shouldn’t trust them with food products. Yuri could have been cutting her wrists to put blood in the tea. But yea, dude catches her cutting herself with her knife. As dude tries to talk to her, the screen gets distorted and time’s reversed. Rather than being spooked, I started laughin’ again.
“Yuri has the Dagger of Time and she cuts herself with it!” I said to myself. Not really, it was just Monika fucking around. She explains how when she gets overly excited she starts cutting herself – and how she may do it for sexual reasons.
Yuri’s fucking weird. This game is fucking weird. Monika is the fucking villain and the game doesn’t hide it well. More in part 2.
(Warning: Major spoilers for Fire Emblem 4: Genealogy of the Holy War and Doki Doki Literature Club. I’m not dealin’ with ya weebaboos and ya hurt feelings.)
I can fondly remember when my homeboy (at the time) “spoiled” the fact that Hotaru was Sailor Saturn (Sailor Moon S) in grade school. I had just finished watching my first episode of Sailor Moon (episode 117: Higher, Stronger! Cheers by Usagi) the previous day and was hooked. I expressed my love for the Hotaru character and her awesomeness. Unlike Usagi and Chibi-Usa (who had to transform in order to gain their powers), Hotaru didn’t need to transform for her powers. My dude smiled and said “You know Hotaru is actually a Sailor Scout, right? She’s Sailor Saturn. That’s why she has powers. In fact, not only is she a Sailor Saturn, she’s being controlled by somebody else.”
“Ahh!” I replied. “No wonder she could do those things like blasting a monster across a track field.” The spoilers about Hotaru’s truth identify didn’t ruin her character for me. In fact, it made me more excited to watch more Sailor Moon S. I wanted to see Hotaru’s journey as a sickly, lonely girl to the Soldier of Destruction (who ironically, would save the world from destruction).
Spoilers don’t mean shit. Being spoiled about an event in the media we consume never ruin the emotional experience. In fact, it makes it better. Some may say “But spoiling something will make you disappointed or change your mind about a character.” Okay, so what? Your views of a character are going to change regardless of you got spoiled on their actions or not. Why try to avoid the inevitable when it’s going to hit you sooner or later?
Let me change your mind about spoilers. I know I can.
Spoilers neither ruins nor replace the emotional experience that you’d otherwise witness. Spoilers are just words. They don’t provide the gut hitting visuals of seeing your favorite character die. Spoilers don’t give you the sense of anger of seeing a “trustworthy” ally betraying his best friend on screen. “But Ben! What about twists and surprises!?” Oh well. Once you consumed media for nearly 25 years you tend to get bored with surprises and twists.
Recently, I’ve been playing the popular Western visual novel, Doki Doki Literature Club/DDLC (not to be confused with the obscure PC98 visual novel Doki Doki Vacation). Through my adventures (of playing the game), people were trying (failing) to convince me not to read spoilers. They told me that it’s better to experience the game blind so I could “truly appreciate” the game for what it is.
First off, I had to laugh at those who believed I should play DDLC by their standards. Second, telling me to avoid spoilers won’t work – it’ll just make me read them. Through reading spoilers, I discovered that Monika was the true villain of DDLC. Monika was a manipulative, angry, jealous, and lonely girl who wanted someone to love her and grant her freedom (from her digital prison and self-awareness powers). Did those spoilers impacted and change my views on Monika? Of course, but in turn, it made more interested in her character (given that I enjoy manipulative/Machiavellian-type characters).
Here’s where I still felt the emotional impact of Monika’s cruel deeds despite being “spoiled”.
As Monika brags about killing Natsuki, Yuri, and Sayori, your character is forced to sit across from her in the Literature Club (now the Room of Eternity). The distorted music, dark orange tint filling the room, and Monika staring at your eye gave me a sense of unease. I felt anger as Monika casually – yet coldly – discussed how she murdered her friends. Now, do you see how spoilers don’t replace those emotions? Again, they don’t give you that visual treat.
Reading those spoilers didn’t provide me with those emotions – but playing the game did. The spoilers just enhanced my journey, which brings me to my next point.
Around 2005, I started playing Fire Emblem 4: Genealogy of the Holy War. I “foolishly” spoiled the game’s ultimate plow twist – Arvis murdering the main character, Sigurd. Furthermore, Arvis manipulated the nobles of Grandbell to wage war against a few nations: just so he could have the nobles kill each other. Arvis’s schemes prove successful.
Rather than being mad at myself (for “ruining” the plot), I became curious about Arvis’s “terrible” deeds and did research. I discovered the game development notes of Shouzou Kaga (creator of Fire Emblem); gaining information on Arvis (that changed my mind about him). Arvis was angry at the nobles of Grandbell who abused their power – subjecting their citizens to levels of extreme poverty (while the nobles spent their riches on themselves).
Arvis – in his head – thought himself as a liberating hero for the common man.
The spoilers didn’t ruin the plot for me. In reality, not only did it made me want to play the game, it made me respect Kaga’s complex writing of Arvis’s character. Kaga’s notes help me understood the tragic (anti) villain archetype of media. It was the kick that I needed to see the game all the way to the end – to see how the events unfold through Kaga’s craftsmanship.
See how spoilers can work in your favor?
Spoilers do not mean shit. This was a fact that I discovered back in my childhood with Hotaru/Sailor Saturn, one of my favorite characters of all time. Being spoilers on certain characters might change my views on them. That’s okay: it was going to change either way. Reading spoilers helped me understand why villains such as Arvis and Monika had to do the things they did – and I still got emotional when I reached their villain reveals in their respected games. The spoilers got me in the head of the creator and made me felt what they felt. To me, that’s the ultimate sign of respect for a creator: understanding their works.
But real shit is Monika Machiavellian? She did use power and fear to control the game. She also tricked Sayori and Yuri to kill themselves just so she can get closer to the main character. In addition, she used fear to get her way by fucking with the player’s head AND deleting Sayori before Sayori became self-aware. What ya think?
Warning: Major Act 1 spoilers. Major game spoilers below for certain characters. Don’t read this and then get mad at me because I spoiled shit.
Last week, I decided to download Doki Doki Literature Club (DDLC) after six months of being bombard with memes, spoilers, and discussion across social media about the game. With my friends filling me in on the game’s meta creepiness and horror, I figured it would be smart for me to buy some alcohol, hit up my weedman for some loud, and get my mind right before playing DDLC. In addition, I downloaded some Monika hentai off Danbooru and Rule 34; placing the hentai in the game’s folder. My homeboy told me that she can pull up your internet history. Apparently, she also reveals that she knows that you have porn of her.
If this game gonna fuck with my head, I’m gonna fuck with its head.
After drinking a 32 ounce of cheap ass Miller Beer, a glass wine, and smoking a blunt, I booted up DDLC. The game warned me that I may not have a good time playing it. Of course, the game is wrong because I always have fun tearing overhyped shit apart. Next, I had to give my character a name. First, I went with “RealNigga”; a reflection of me being the realest nigga in the otaku community (a title nobody will ever take from me). However, I changed it to “YourName” just to see if the game picks up on me being a smart ass. Plus, I wanted to see if Monika said something about that (since she knows your PC name and gets angry with you for not stating your “real” name).
The game begins. I’m greeted with the generic happy-go-lucky childhood friend Sayori aka “Hangtime” (and I’m not talking about NBA Hangtime for the Nintendo 64). I decided not to romance her for obvious reasons. Next, the game proceeds to the literature club where I meet the rest of the cast of the game. First, best shy girl Yuri. Yuri is just Hanako and Lily from Katawa Shoujo (who somehow learned how to do the Fusion Dance from Dragon Ball Z). Following Yuri, there’s the low-key otaku Natsuki who’s a tsundere. I hate most tsundere characters, but Natsuki gets a pass due to reasons I’ll explore in a future post (maybe). Finally, Just Monika Lewinsky – the club president and game’s true villain or some shit.
Oh yea spoilers my bad.
With the girls presented this was my gameplan: romance Yuri and Monika at the same time. The other girls can go fuck themselves. Yuri has wisdom and knowledge. I love wisdom and knowledge. Monika has power and influence – two things I want in life. Sayori will become ceiling decoration by the end of act 1. Natsuki (although a good character), doesn’t appeal to me just yet. Moving forward, I did my first poem writing mini-game bullshit thing. Being the crafty man that I am, I selected the words that I knew would get me to Yuri’s Act 1 route.
Look, I have a storied history of liking shy, quiet, weird people who are secretly interesting, smart, sophisticated, what have you. I used to be super shy, weird, and quiet so I relate to those characters heavily.
Plus, purple is my favorite color. Yuri has purple hair and eyes. I am a biased man.
After befriending Yuri I realized that the game must have programmed Sayori to become aware of this relationship. Sayori started saying things like “Would you walk with Yuri back home over me?” and “It won’t be long until you need me anymore, you know.” It worsens when Sayori admitted that she had life-long depression and suicidal thoughts. It was then where I said to myself “Oh fuck…” and realized I made a horrible mistake.
The two glasses of wine, the beer, and the blunt I consumed didn’t help this either.
The next day (in-game), the MC and Yuri did some club project bullshit. Yuri came over to MC’s house to work on club promotion. Yuri (clearly trying to get some dick) gave the MC a sample of her aromatherapy talent. Following that, she shows her knife off to the MC (who winds up cutting himself with it). With Yuri freaking out she decided to put the dude’s finger in her mouth and lick his wound. Then MC returned the favor, licking her finger and she started to blush.
So after that, the two decided to end their day. The MC walked her out of the crib and by pure luck, Sayori catches their asses. Sayori admits she was going to the house to confirm her fears – which were proven right. I dunno what’s worse: The main chick catching you with the side chick coming out of your house, or your female childhood best friend – who you know has a crush on your – seeing you with another girl. I myself never been in either situation. All my female childhood friends are probably dead, racist, or have forgotten about me. And I don’t have the balls to do the main chick/side chick shit. I can’t explain that shit to you.
Either way, pretty sure that worsen Sayori’s depression – which I will learn the hard way.
The next school day, I’m greeted by Monika. She informs me that Sayori hasn’t shown up to school and states that I kinda left her hanging that morning. Monika, that’s fucking dark. Funny. But dark. But real shit I knew what was happening next. I drank another glass of wine to prep myself. Monika gives me Sayori’s final poem to read simply titled Get Out of my Head. I admit the title wasn’t subtle but I was getting scared playing the game. After school, the MC heads over to Sayori’s house.
I’m assuming you’re already hip to the Sayori’s suicide spoilers so fuck the details. If you’re not well you’re goofy for reading this far even with the spoiler warning. Anyway, as the MC was freaking out seeing his homegirl’s hanging body he says something like “This isn’t a game where I can reset and try something different.”
A smirk flashed across my face. I pointed to my laptop’s screen and simply said “Bet.” I made a second save file just in case if the game branches off to a new path (if you attempt to quit or escape Sayori’s room). My plan wasn’t to start over per se but to experiment with the different things you can do with the game. So I saved, quit, and launched the game.
The game starts up, but I’m greeted with glitchy ass music and a gltich image of Monika (replacing Sayori). I couldn’t access my load files. In fact, they were all deleted. “Fuck. Maybe I was supposed to read that entire scene after all.”
That’s what I get for trying to play the metagame against a game that’s programmed to fuck with you using meta.
Doki Doki Literature Club is amazing. Go play it. Just don’t do in under the influence of drugs and alcohol if you’re easily scared. The music sucks tho. Not sorry. Project M died for this.