You know, I truly believe that you can earn your happy ending in life – but only if you work and grind your ass off for it.  Video games (with multiple endings) drive this point home hard.  If you truly want that happy ending, then you have to go through hell to obtain it.  Doki Doki Literature Club is no expectation.  In order to get the game’s true/golden ending, we gotta go through hell first.  Well, okay we already went through hell once.  Let’s do it again.

‘Paradise starts in hell.’
-Tim Grover

To start, I’m going to tackle Sayori’s route first.  There’s a CG I have yet to obtain (at the time of this writing) from her route.   Plus, her cheerful attitude grown on me.  The too pure cinnamon bun thing, ya know?  Also, gonna name myself after my PC (“OWNER) to see if Monika detects that lol.

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I’m still mad at this bullshit.

Let me say this: Thank god for the skip text option.  Because fuck; I ain’t spending another two hours of my life reading all that bullshit in her route.  For some situations, I did read some of her lines and what others have to say about Sayori.  It’s strange: when you consume media for the first time, you do not pick up on the subtle clues the creator(s) hid within the art.  It’s only when you consume and experience it multiple times is when you start to pick up on the things that were once hidden.  Seeing how Sayori wanted to cheer everyone up to hide her depression and pain not only made sense, it was heartbreaking.

Monika mentioned that it was surprising to read Sayori’s poems on the topic of sadness as it was opposite to her normal cheerful personality.  Saying the obvious (Sayori conceals her depression from the club) is stupid so I won’t go into those details.  It does make you think about the people in your lives who are always happy and want to cheer everyone up.

Are they truly happy, or is their happiness a mask to hide their pain to make people not worry about them?

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“I could sleep forever.” That was the first clue.

Skipping through the dialogue I came across one of the two most important choices I need to make for this route: Would I rather walk back home with Sayori or Yuri.  In my original walkthrough, I selected Yuri (personal bias).  That was one of the catalyze that worsen Sayori’s depression.  In retrospect, I can understand how that fucked with Sayori’s head. I am not a mental health expert or anything, but seeing how Sayori reacted to that, I can only guess that she felt that she was a burden to the MC as well as her feeling worthless.  She probably started to overthink the situation and believed MC was pushing her away to hang out with Yuri (or any other club member).  Again, I do not know if that how depression works.

 

If anyone could be kind enough to correct me let me know.

I went with the “I’d still walk with Sayori” option.  I think I’m doing well.  I hope.  The third round of poem writing seems to get harder. The dark and depressing words seem to relate to Yuri more than Sayori, but I still got reactions from Sayori.  I’m starting to think the game knows I’m save scumming lol.    The day after, the club starts to prep for the festival.  Sayori is sitting alone as normal with her head bury in her desk.

At this point, you can sense that her depression is hitting harder as she once again does her façade of trying to make her crew not worry about her.  Perhaps it is because I am more in tune with my emotional/creative side of my brain, but I can’t help but feel bad about her and think about my friends who are battling depression.  Honestly, that shit breaks my heart and I feel helpless when I can’t help my friends feel better about themselves because of how cruel mental health illnesses are.

Maybe that’s why her character has grown on me on this second playthrough. Ha.

You know you’re dedicated to getting a good end when you panic and freak out thinking you fucked up.  When the MC goes to  Sayori house to check up on her, I started to think “Oh shit I made a mistake this is the suicide scene!”.  Then I remember that scene came a little bit later in the game so I still have time to do my save scum shit.  But nah, the first time MC goes over to Sayori’s house, she reveals that she has lifelong depression.

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This could be fate or just by chance, but I had my hip-hop instrumental playlist playing in the background.  The next song in the cycle was 2pac’s Pain from the movie Above The Rim. Fitting.  Sayori dealt with (mental) pain all her life.  We’re now seeing her tell her best friend about it.  There’s a sample from one of the Star Trek movies that are used in Pain.  I think it goes: “‘I couldn’t help but noticed your pain!’” “’My pain?’” “’It runs deep – share it with me!’”

(If I could get away with it, I would make a music mod of DDLC that uses 90s hip-hop music.  Pain would be perfect for Sayori revealing her depression to MC).

‘Why do we die at an early age?
‘Why there’s so much pain?’
‘Tired of the strain and the pain’

Yea.  Those lines work well with DDLC.

For preparations for the festival, I selected Natsuki to help me out .  I have yet to have any interactions with me from my first run through so I thought it would be best to check her shit out.  But since this is a Sayori-centric path, I’m gonna save my notes/thoughts on Natsuki for her path.  I do like Natsuki’s softer side though and she seems mellower than what she puts out on the surface.   Mellow Natsuki best Natsuki.

(I will like to say that the instrumental of Drake’s “Pound Cake” goes well with the baking scene between MC and Natsuki. Yes. Puns were intended.)

Now, finally, I arrived at the single most important point of this path; Telling Sayori if I love her or if I should put her in the friend zone.  In a normal run-through (without a guide), either decision led to Sayori’s suicide.  In that regard, telling Sayori you love her only to have her kill herself the next day hurts harder than simply telling her that she is your best friend.  Pretty fucked honestly.  In any case, I manage to unlock two CGs I needed for this path for the golden ending so I’m gonna dip out.

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Next: Natsuki.

 

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